28 Feb 2017


Mushroom slipped over tonight.

On a piece of flat lego.

He howled for at least half an hour and I laughed silently for at least half of that time.  Until I realised that his howling would probably wake his baby sister and then I started hissing at him to stop carrying and be quiet.

Can you say Mother of the Year?

Also, can someone please explain why a four year old boy is moodier and has more attitude than a 14 year old girl?  Always with the dramatics!  He literally threw himself on the floor in a flurry of tears and howled.

I'm in serious trouble.

Unrelated, I hosted a Tupperware Party the other day and if I ever attempt to do that again, please tell me not to.  Stress on a whole other level.

I had so many baking fails. Like three fails, in three hours.  That's unheard of Jessica's kitchen.  So this is my note to self, don't host parties where you do all the food, including making pastry and don't apply for MKR 2018 cos I clearly can't cope with the pressure.

Just don't do it future Jess.

Please share with me your Mother of the Year moments.  I am still laughing as it was so comical watching him slide across the floor and do the splits.  I felt bad for a second but I was shuddering I was trying not to laugh so much.

Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Hey!  I'm super dramatic and insane!
Disclaimer:  The above photo was taken in the carpark at the pool.  I was not driving and taking selfies.

I only do that when the kids aren't in the car.

Just kidding.  I don't selfie in the car.  That's dumb. Don't do it.

13 Feb 2017

Keyboard Warriors

Last week I was privy to another Jess go through some major bullshit online after a media outlet picked up a story about her very young son getting hurt at the playground.

For those who didn't see this on various 'news' pages and the like, you can read one of them here.

Long story short, Jess' poor little boy burnt his feet on the black rubber matting at a local playground, she posted about it to warn other parents of the dangers of said playground and in the interest of helping out other parents.


Yes, children should wear shoes.  We fucking get it.  It's hot, needles, dirt, germs, snakes, cuts... blah blah blah!  Have you got small children?  Do you know how hard it is to get them to keep their bloody shoes on?!  I could NEVER get the Mushroom to keep his shoes on.  Ever!  He would pull them off in the car, as soon as we got to the park, walking around barefoot looking like an urchin all the damn time!

Hot tip, as much as we want them to keep their shoes on, kids will take them off at every damn opportunity.  That's not really the point of this post at all.

Hey Jess!  Thanks for info love, hope your little man is okay.

That is literally all that should have been said.

Instead, Jess bore the brunt of some pretty hateful comments via some 'keyboard warriors' who's children have never hurt themselves ever and have the most perfect spawn in existence.


If you feel like it's ok to get on a public page, and vilify another parent, when all they've done is share a warning, then you're not a good parent and you're a pretty shitty human being.

It's all well and good to scroll through your facebook page and roll your eyes, gasp, shake your head at someone's post, BUT it's quite another to stop, phrase a comment, type that comment and hit post to page.  And that's just your friends posts!  I rarely post on a public page, and even then, it's generally to share knowledge or love, not berate a total stranger and tell them what a shit parent they are. What a crappy thing to do!  If you do that shit, stop now!  Shame on you!  There are real people behind those stories and they're probably feeling shit enough as a parent without you piling on and making it worse.

I don't know Jess personally.  She is a friend of a friend.  She's also a shit-hot Mum and has an amazing facebook and insta feed that she shares with her sister Kellie.  You can find them on facebook here https://www.facebook.com/omgimthatmum/ and instagram here https://www.instagram.com/omgimthatmum/?hl=en  Go and give them some love!

Mum's, parents, we need to keep it real.  We have it hard enough, and we need to stop hating on each other and just accept that we are all in this together.  Thank people for the warnings, lend support, give constructive advice.  Don't judge, don't hate, and if you wouldn't say something to someone's face, don't say it online!!

Totally unrelated, here's a pic of my son as the Mona Lisa because lols...

6 Feb 2017

Working Mum

It's amazing how you just fall back into the swing of things.

Work, kids, housework... I'll give you one guess which of those three is lagging behind?  It's not work or kids.

I'm actually feeling pretty proud of myself.  I haven't been late to work once, I've gotten dinner on the table by 6.30 every night, I'm not buying coffee everyday. It's been ok so far, but I tell you what, the level of organisation is making me feel a bit nutso.

I hate being organised.  I'm a bit of a chaotic person.  I'm messy.  Cluttered.  Not dirty, just beautiful disarray.  Being a mother has forced me to pull my shit together.  I am up at 6 most mornings, breastfeeding a baby, showering and getting ready for work, then putting food in the slow cooker for dinner that night.  If the kids aren't awake by 7, Juffin wakes them up and gets them sorted with breakfast while I put my make-up on.  I can't go to work without make-up on. I literally can't.

I pack two lunchboxes the night before.  Lunchbox fillers include oat biscuits, banana bread or muffins, leftover pizza, sausage rolls, cheese, yoghurt, corn cobs, beetroot, olives, ham and cheese sandwiches, vegemite crackers, rice snacks, hummus, and fruit.  Most of the above is homemade.

I then organise Molly's milk.  She doesn't drink much during the day, thank goodness, so I can get away with sending 300mls of breast milk separated into 3 bottles.  I send a spare just in case,  I pump at work and in the evening just before bed.  Last week I donated 2 litres of breast milk to a lady who's baby has ties and won't feed properly.  I couldn't fit anymore in my freezer.

I take meat out for dinner the next day tidy up the lunchbox filling mess.  I also get some snacks together for myself to take to work.

I fold and snap nappies together and make sure I have enough for the day at daycare.  I pack a minimum of 10 nappies, even though they will probably only use 4 or 5.  You never know with babies. I check that she has enough wipes and bum cream and put an extra wetbag in just case.

I check Mushroom's bag and make sure he has his hat, sunscreen and shoes.

I wash and fill all the kids drink bottles, 7489 and counting, and put them in the fridge.

I then sit down to watch TV whilst I fold the washing.

Before bed, around 10.30, I pump and chat to my friends on facebook.  I finish pumping and wash up the rest of the dishes and put powder in the dishwasher.  I find Juffin in his study and say goodnight.

In bed I chat to my friends on messenger until I realise it's nearly 11 and my eyes are falling out of my head.  I turn the light off and settle down to sleep.

Just as I'm drifting off Molly starts squawking and Juffin goes in to try and settle her.  I always lay awake waiting for her to be quiet before I can go to sleep.  Sometimes it doesn't happen.  Like last night, I was up with her until after 1.  She wasn't having a bar of Daddy at all.

When I finally crawl back into bed I am exhausted.  Juffin tries to cuddle me but I'm too tired to move.

5 hours later I get up and do it all over again...  and I only work 2.5 days.

I salute you working Mums.  You are all fucking awesome and you deserve a pat on the back.

I'll also give a shout out to my Juffin, a man who walks in the door after a long, hot day, and is often greeted by an angry Mum who's had enough.  Thank you for working hard, thank you for trying, and thank you for never uttering a word of complaint.

Such a goodlooking bunch!