Week Eighteen

It's May!  May!  WTF

I feel like I repeat myself which this shit weekly, but guys, it's fucking May!  It's week 4 of term 2 already, and we're hurtling towards mid year... What in the world?!

Things I achieved this week:

• Washing Queen
• See amazing portrait paintings for Percival Prize
• Car research
• Sheets washed and changed
• Juffin application writing
• Sister chats
• Hill walking
• Fit into dress haven't been able to wear for 3 years
• Floors
• Flash child free dinner
• Quality family time
• Not die after alcohol consumption

Mushroom is still carrying on for school drop off and citing various reasons for his bullshit behaviour. Have had a few chats with his teacher who's all over it so crossing fingers this is yet another phase and school will improve again.  This morning was more to do with being jealous because Molly and Mum were staying home and he wanted to as well so he could play lego and watch TV.  Don't blame you there mate.  We had a good chat about it, school being his job now etc and obviously life means doing things that may be hard but you'll get to your goal in the end.  And his current goal is become a Scientist, "so I can do 'speriments' all the time".  Brilliant.  Not so brilliant is his behaviour at school because basically he thinks it's fucking social hour over there and talks to anyone who will listen, like will not stop talking.  To anyone.  Teacher included.  And, I'll be really sexist here, like a typical man, cannot seem to multitask and work at the same time so is not getting any work done as a result.  None. 

Ugh.

I know that you all think that this is hilarious given my particular fondness for chit chat.  Talk about chip off the old block! Seriously though, if he doesn't start focusing soon, I will lose my shit.  Juffin and I had a chat tonight and we've decided to limit the TV time to the weekend.  We're both guilty of putting it on when we need some down time and that's a bullshit cop out so we're both going to work on being more present, spending time outside and actually playing.  I will need to hit Kmart for some crafting supplies and we'll set up a little activity corner for them so they can go nuts.  Yes, the cleaning up will suck but maybe they'll have longer attention spans as a result.  One can only try these things but something has to change.  My boy is clever, he just needs to stop talking and focus.... god that feels like karma at work right there!  Haha!

My folks came to visit for the weekend and it was so lovely having them here.  I'm blessed with parents and parents in law that actually want to spend time with their grandchildren.  They happily babysit, even during the week, and luckily we've had a few sleepovers as well.  I know that they've already raised their kids, but they're only too happy to help out when we need.  Some are not so lucky and it's just really sad.  Working full time is exhausting, I get that, but helping out your kids by taking care of your grandkids for a day or two over the school holidays, picking them up from school or daycare, taking them for a night over the weekend so they can get some sleep, that's not too much to ask is it?  Apparently for some it is.  And that fucking sucks.

Art

Best of a bad bunch! Kids did not participate well in photo taking

Exercise has been non-existent after a few late nights trying to get applications done (Juffin), hens party planning, dress shopping, flight booking, finance sorting, washing... it never ends.  We're looking at getting a newer car soon and had to get all our ducks in a row, so fingers crossed we'll find what we're looking for shortly.  To be perfectly honest, my piece of shit car may not survive that long, and it's pretty embarrassing clunking around town in it.  On the positive side, I've yet to be carjacked and can leave it unlocked anywhere I go and no-one even attempts to take anything.  Probably jinxed myself now... 

I did get the hill done with the rents over the weekend, but haven't done an actual work out in almost a week.  I really do just need to get out of bed earlier but my constant late night's lately hasn't helped me there. I've also been plagued by headaches and I think it's directly related to my lax attitude to sugar, namely lollies, and carbs in the last few days.  I almost attempted hill walk with Molly today but couldn't bear to listen to the whingeing.. which really is redundant as listen to her whingeing all day every damn day... ahh 2 year olds, aren't they the best?

Worth the slog up there for this view!

Week Seventeen

I remember when I was a teenager, I went on a ski trip to NZ with my school mates.  I think I was in grade 9 or 10.  Anyway, I bought all my family presents, except my Mum.  I literally didn't even think about getting her something until we were in the airport on the way home, so I got her some shitty soap and some other crap.

My Mum was so upset.  She'd paid for my school trip, organised my bags, dropped me off at the bus, yada yada yada, and I was the ungrateful arsehole who didn't even THINK about buying her a present until we we almost at home, let alone, appreciate all the things that my Mother had sacrificed to send me on that damn trip. I mean, I bought myself Docs on that damn trip.  What an arsehole.

It always makes me super sad and I think about it a lot. Especially because obviously I loved my Mum, but I guess I didn't like her very much.  I was a teenager, she was kind of a hard arse and I felt so misunderstood.  I thought I knew everything and she knew nothing.  Clearly that is totally wrong.  My Mum is amazing, hilarious, smart and strong, and so generous.  Not only do I love her now, I like her heaps.  She's the first person I call if I need someone.  I was just 14 and I thought I knew it all and she couldn't possibly understand what life was like for me.  The fact that I didn't even think about her is clearly the most devastating piece of info above.  Obviously I was a totally selfish bitch.  To be forgotten, not thought of at all, that's the most hurtful thing about it I think.

"My want Daddy"

So why am I writing about this now?  Because my kids don't like me very much.  They prefer their Dad.  I'm the mean Mum who makes them clean up, who yells all day because they won't listen, who makes their food and makes them eat it.  I wash their clothes and make them put them away, I say no when they want to watch TV or a movie, I say no when they want to eat junk, I say get down, when they're using the couch as a launching station...  Obviously Juffin says no too, but I think they just hear me saying it all day every day and that makes me the bad guy. And I'm fucking sick of it and my kids are only little, so I have years and years and YEARS of them hating on me and I feel emotionally scarred already.

Tonight I sat on one side of the table as the kids fought over who sat next to Juffin.  He ended up sitting in the middle whilst they sat on either side.

Yesterday I got home from being out and there was no-one waiting to greet me at the door but whenever Juffin returns from anywhere there is DADDY!  DADDY'S HOME!  DADDDDDYYYYY!  And hysterical jumping and loving.  Me returning home, Hi everyone!  Silence.

Bastards.

Spoilt

I was doing sight words with Mushroom tonight and the word 'Dad' came up.  He goes "Dad's the best and Mum's the poopest" and then laughs hysterically.

I wanted to smack him in his laughing face.

I know that this is all normal.  I know that there has to the favourite and the other one, and I know that my kids love me, but damn, it doesn't feel good to be the other one.  It doesn't feel good at all.

I'm sorry Mum.  I wish I could take back that crappy soap and whatever other stupid thing I gave you.  14 year old Jess needs a smack in the chops.

It's been a hard week culminating in a beer induced migraine last night and I'm feeling just a wee bit flat.  I missed my workout yesterday, I didn't do the hill this morning, I ran out of time to bake and I'm now a day behind with my washing.  Molly has been getting progressively harder to handle and Mushroom's behaviour has not improved.  I can't help but feel like I'm a crappy Mother and when they prefer their father over me, it feels like that's just proving the point.  Especially when you are the one who organises their entire lives. 

What's the solution?  Suck it up Jess. Get over it and get used to it.  Which I will. But I've come here to vent about it in the meantime.  Being a Mum is fucking hard.  Bring on Monday and a fresh outlook.  This week was crap.


 

Week Sixteen

My kids are driving me batshit crazy.  They feed off of each other and the oldest one is so defiant. Won't listen, talks back, yells, riles his sister up, runs amok... I'm ready to pack in the towel.  I just walk around with the wooden spoon in my hand wielding it atop my head,  ready to strike at a moment's notice. 

Fuck. My. Life.

Several days ago, Tuesday, Wednesday, they're all the same, I threatened, on a whim, to remove everything from my son's room except his bed.  Toys, books. lego, puzzles.. you name it, the whole lot.  Now I think I'll actually have to follow through and there's so much stuff in his fucking room that the whole thing was a bullshit idea and I really am the worse Mum ever. I should never have said it in the first place but I can't take it back.

Why is it when our kids are misbehaving, that we feel like we're the worst parents in the world?  I thought I was an okay Mum but lately, not so much.  One must soldier on...

"GO WAY MAX!"

School went back this week, can I get an AMEN?!  I totally didn't know about the pupil free day on Monday until the last week of holidays so had to do some begging to the MIL.  I think she was relieved to only have one.

Mushroom seems to have settled back into school quite well but doesn't seem keen on his fave friend from last term anymore.  He won't tell me what happened, just that they're not friends anymore.  The boy in question still says hello every morning and seems keen to talk to Mushroom, but he's being stone cold.  It really does break your heart when you see/hear this shit but obviously it's just life. I've explained to him that you can have lots of different friends and even if you don't play every day, you can still be mates.  I mean, they're 5.  He doesn't seem short on friends so far, so hopefully he'll muddle his way through.

He had his Fun Run this week, it was postponed due to rain from last term.  Of course I was there in my giant sun hat, and no-one else in stupid Nth Qld was wearing one.  What's wrong with people?!  Anyway, they had to run 650m and watching their tiny little legs run that distance was exhausting.  Mushroom didn't come close to winning but I think he ran most of the way, and he was pretty stoked with his ice block afterwards.  His house did actually win on the day so he was telling everyone he won which wasn't a blatant lie.... my son the storyteller.  No idea where he gets that from?!

Molly has taken to removing her nappy after sleep time and then defecating on her bed.  Yes.  She shits on her bed.  It's happened twice now in 3 days and it's a veritable shit show.

Why is she doing this?  Why now?  We're almost bloody toilet trained FFS

She's killing me.

At least Juffin was home to deal with the aftermath today.  And she doesn't play in it.  Just squats and poops.  Good God.

We went to the park on Tuesday so I could wear her out, and I managed to get her off the swing for 3 minutes in total.

Any other Mum's just spend all their time pushing the damn swing?

I've been doing well with my exercise again this week but food has been hit and miss. Need to tighten the reigns, so to speak, and start being strict again.  I'm nowhere near where I should be after all this time due to bad food choices.  At least I seem to have gotten into a groove with the exercise thing, small mercies!

Hooray for fitting into smaller pants! 

My new salties arrived, along with my much needed new work shoes, but I still have to buy some decent walking shoes.  Who likes buying practical things?!

I discovered how to use Insta stories and have spammed all my friends and followers ceaselessly over the weekend.

I would apologise but I'll probably keep doing it.  I love the socials.  Total social whore.

Aside from attending a million birthday parties, and watching my kids ingest an abhorrent amount of sugar, the shoe thing, and starting a new book, I don't have much else to report. We're busy trying to get a few ducks in a row here, hoping to make a big purchase soon, so fingers crossed that all works out and goes smoothly.

Now that I've talked about it, you know it won't.

Ugh.

And on that note, I'll end with this astounding fact, my rents celebrated their 39th wedding anniversary yesterday.  39 years!  They also really like each other and hang out and do stuff together all the time.  It's a bit cute and sickening.  Happy Anniversary Muzz and Colls.  Love you!