Myth Busters - Part 2

Further to my post the other day there are more things that kept running through my head and I was like 'Moron!  Why didn't you include that in your post?!'

Myth:  When your baby starts eating food, he will sleep better.
Fact:  When your baby starts eating food you will have heaps of mess to clean up and there will be food stuck in unimaginable places.  They probably won't sleep better.  Not to mention the extra washing.  Which was already at a ridiculous level.

Myth:  When your baby starts crawling/being more active, they will sleep better.
Fact:  Your baby will just start stuffing around in the cot, roll around like mad and hit his head and cry.  Or he will stand up and won't be able to get down and cry.  Or he will be flailing around like a mad thing and get his arm/leg stuck and cry.  He will not sleep better.

Myth:  Breastfeeding becomes easier over time.
Fact:  Your baby will find new and interesting ways to torture your nipples by biting, scratching, pulling and generally acting like a homicidal maniac whilst at the breast.

Myth:  Once you get into a routine, everything will fall into place.
Fact: I'm yet to see the fruit from this little gem.

Myth:  If breastfeeding your period won't return for ages.
Fact:  I'm not going to go into gory details but if ages is 2 months, then that happened.

Myth:  What worked for your baby will inherently work for all babies.
Fact:  Obviously this is bullshit.  Your baby is an individual, just like you.

Myth:  You can never take too many photos.
Fact:  You can.  I have over 2500 photos from the last 9 months.  Two and half THOUSAND.

I have 2499 others just like this!

I think I'm done with the whole mythbusters thing now... NEXT!

Mythbusters

There are a few things that you genuinely believe are true about motherhood until you actually become a mother, then they're busted.  As in the Mythbusters, myth busted.

And I hate the Mythbusters by the way as one of them, can't remember which one, Jamie or Adam, but one of them looks like an ex beau of mine and that reminds me of a time in my life that I'm not particularly proud of.  Not because of the ex, but the way I saw myself and the treatment that I put up with.  Not like violent treatment, just not very nice or loving or appreciative and sadly I thought that I couldn't do any better so kept returning to that particular person WAAYYY longer than I should have.  

And they're annoying as hell.  The Mythbusters.  The ex beau is also annoying, but I was mostly talking about the Mythbusters.  And I really dislike that guy Tory on the show.  I mean, Tory is not really a boy's name is it?  Not that I care that his name is Tory, that has nothing to do with him being super annoying, just that it's weird, no?  And that chick Kari!  She's super annoying too!

Hmm as per usual neurotic personality type took over and I've spent this whole post talking about how I  really don't like the Mythbusters instead of talking about motherhood myths that have been busted for me!

Myth:  Breastfeeding will help you lose weight/baby weight.
Fact:  This may be the case for some women but I'm yet to see a real, actual, woman that I know lose weight through breastfeeding.

Myth:  Your love for your child will make up for the lack of sleep/sex/alone time.
Fact:  Whilst not strictly untrue, you do feel really tired all day long and long for the time before you were stupid enough to fall pregnant.

Myth:  Babies make couples closer.
Fact:  Ok. No-one actually believes that anyway but just thought I'd make sure that y'all know that that shit is a damn lie!

Myth:  Cloth nappies are hard.
Fact:  Doing the washing is hard period.  That's as hard as it has to be.

Myth:  You will love your child instantly.
Fact:  I didn't.  It took a few days and then that whole weird maternal, motherly thing kicked in.  I'm not sure if that's because of the cesarean or I'm just a stone cold bitch.  Probably the latter.
(ok this isn't strictly a fact but it is relevant to me, and this is my blog, about me and my life, so there!)

Myth:  It's easy to be a stay at home mum.
Fact:  Nothing is fucking easy about being a stay at home mum.

Myth:  You will stick by your principals and never co-sleep/use a dummy/have ABC kids on/pooh with the door open/wipe snot off your childs face with your fingers.
Fact:  Obviously you do all of the above and more awful, disgusting, ridiculous things because you're a Mother now and as if any childless person would understand!

Myth:  Your life does not have to change just because you've had a baby.
Fact:  You're an idiot.

"You're crazy Ma!  Mythbusters is a REALLY GOOD SHOW!"