Sleepover

On Friday the Mushroom spent his first night away from his Mum and Dad. 

I was nervous, the Juffin was nervous, the MIL was nervous... Mushroom wasn't nervous cos he had no idea what was going on. 

Breastfeeding has proved overnight stays away from the Mushroom a little difficult up until now.  I stopped night feeds about six weeks ago when I realized that it was more habitual rather than actual hunger.  It took a few days but he's mostly sleeping through til about 5am now at which time I do feed him because settling at 5am is not up on my list of fun things to do.

Despite this little win, the last month or so has been pretty bad as teething has caused the little one an insurmountable amount of drama.  Men. 

All of this lead up is just my way of justifying having a night off.  It was the Juffin's birthday, I had managed to stockpile a little milk and we had booked the movie and bought some drinks.  It was happening.  A night off.  I don't know what I was more excited about, the movie, the drinks or the prospect of an uninterrupted night's sleep!

During the movie and all the way home, I didn't think too much about the Mushroom.  I mean we'd been out for dinner and a movie before, so that was nothing new.  It wasn't until we got home and I went into his little room that it hit me that he wasn't there!  It was such a strange feeling, like wanting him there and needing to rush off and pick him up but also thanking my lucky stars that he WASN'T there so we could have some much needed quality time (read sleep).  You feel guilty that you are loving your alone time but sort of wish you did this more often, then feel even guiltier!  You know what I mean?  Anyway, I managed to shake off the weird feeling and get on with it.  It helped that the Juffin received a text message from the MIL advising Mushy went to bed no worries, sleeping well now... hmmm. 

You can guess what happened next, a youngish couple, first night off in months, bourbons in hand, one thing led to another and... yep, you guessed it, nothing at all.  That's right.  Nothing.  I mean we had some dinner, talked a bit, had a few cuddles on the couch.  I had two drinks, total and was feeling awesome until I fell asleep on the couch and had to be dragged off to bed by an equally tired Juffin. 

Ahh, bed, sleeepppp.  Uninterrupted sleeepppppppp.  God I love sleep... Hang on, what the hell is this?  Why am I being shaken awake, what time is it, what the hell is going on?  Is Max ok?  It's still bloody dark outside.  I'm met with a douchebag, sorry, man, towering over me asking me where the headache tablets are.  Are you fucking serious?  Do I take headache tablets?  Did you not have some last week?  Where the hell did you leave them after you took them?  It is FOUR AM!  FOUR!  My first night off in 11 months and you wake me up because you have a headache and you can't find the headache tablets that you are the sole consumer of? There is no emergency with our son, just douchebaggery at it's finest. 

After that I toss and turn for three hours silently fuming and regretting my choice of life mate.  At 7ish I finally admit defeat and get up to watch the news.  I'm actually just biding time so I can go and pick up my less annoying, younger male family member.  It's strange not seeing his little face first thing and I'm really missing him now.  Especially considering I got no bloody sleep anyway so he could have just been here! 

When I get to MIL's.  Alone.  I'm to discover that my shitty sleeper is not so shitty after all. Lo and behold, the boy slept just fine at his grandparent's house.  He woke up once (!) or twice (!!) but settled straight away with a cuddle and back into bed.  When I do that he just starts screaming again when I put him down...  I then had to listen to a barrage of how awesome he is from MIL and basically that I must be overreacting or doing something wrong re the sleeping.... I won't get into it here but it was long, and annoying and I was annoyed and tired.  And in no mood to deal with it.  Especially considering that everyone in that room has had more sleep than me! 

As my MIL is talking Mushroom is climbing all over me and babbling away with a big cheesy grin on his face, so happy to see me.  I can imagine the inner monologue, "I'm so glad you're back Mum, I like your chest where the milk comes out, why don't you break those out?  Come on, break them out, break them out, break them out, whoa, what's that noise?  Look!  I have a finger!  Look!  I can stick my whole fist in your mouth Mum! Guess what Mum? I can't wait to keep you up tonight as I'm so well rested from sleeping over at Meme's house"  Yeah I bet you can't you little turd...  I'm thinking maybe my little boy is a bit of a douchebag too?! 

Mini douchebag?!

Horrendous

Holidays from hell.  Christmas, New Year, a Juffin that's home for two weeks and a Mushroom that won't sleep again.  Welcome to my nightmare.

I'd like to reiterate that I love the Juffin.  He is an amazing man, wonderful lover, awesome friend and fabulous housemate.  He cooks sometimes, he cleans most of the time, he does the bathroom as he know's I hate it.  He does 99% of the washing up and mostly remembers to put his dirty clothes in the basket.  I love him so very much but far out.  This parent thing is hard and I seem to be taking it all out on him!  I can't seem to stop myself.  I'm turning into a heinous bitch!

When baby's get tired, they display tired signs, like whinging, clenching their fists, shoving their fists in their mouths, and kicking their legs etc.  General unhappiness and some yawning are pretty much a dead giveaway.  Adults are like that for crying out loud.  I'm cranky when I'm tired, I yawn a lot, it's not rocket science. The Juffin doesn't know this however, as he is usually at work all day and has so far, missed out on Mad Max's no sleeping BS.  Until now.

Everything had settled into a semi routine around the 8 week mark.  We were getting a good 3 hr sleep in the morning, around 2 hours in the middle of the day and another 45 mins in the late afternoon, gearing up for dinner/bedtime.  The Mushroom was sleeping through til about 3/4am and I was thinking of introducing a dream feed to see if we could push that waking time back to 6/7am.  Then, because the universe likes f-king with me, all hell broke loose, and it's been shite ever since.

We've gone from reasonable naps, to non-existent ones, a clingy whingey baby who cries every time I try to put him down.  A baby who wants to be nursed around the clock.  A baby who is doing my head in.  At first Juffin just thought that he wasn't tired, because, hey, if you're tired, you'll go to sleep, makes sense right?  Unfortunately baby's aren't wired that way.  They need our help to go to sleep.  And they can quickly become overtired, making it harder to get them to sleep.  And then they have mega meltdowns and scream a lot.  Yay... not.

I was so looking forward to Juffin being home from work so we could spend some time together as a family. Our first Christmas as parents, Max being cute and having play time with Daddy during the day, Mum getting some time off to go and do some shopping and get a pedicure or something.  Alas not to be.  I have no idea what is going on.  The Mushroom will not nap and I'm getting more and more stressed out and blaming my man.....

I started this post a few days ago and didn't post it in the hope that things would get better.  Whilst the catnapping has continued, I think I'm a little calmer about the whole situation.  Last night the Juffin and I even went out.  Without the Mushroom!  Juffin's Mum came over and babysat whilst we went out for Thai and a movie.  I put on a dress.  I was nice to my Juffin.  We ate, we talked (about something other than Mushroom!) we held hands, and we watched a great movie.  It was fantastic.  Admittedly I kept checking my phone and wondering if the Mushroom was ok, and we bolted as soon as the credits started rolling but we went out and the sky didn't fall in.

The last couple of weeks have been horrendous for everyone in our little family and but I know now that I should just go with the flow and enjoy this baby stage because he won't need me soon.  I don't know why I get so worked up about things, feeling like I'm doing things the 'wrong' way.  I've always been pretty confident but this baby business is shaking that confidence.  I guess it's the thought that if you stuff up completely now, it might scar him for life.  But I'm not sure that I believe that and I guess I just have to have some faith in myself!

So my New Year's Resolution is that despite reading into things too much, trawling internet forums and talking to other Mum's, I've decided to go with my instincts and stop worrying what everyone else is saying.  I will pick up my baby if he cries.  I will feed him if he wants food, even if it's only been 1.5hrs since his last feed.  I will feed my baby to sleep if that's what he needs.  I will play with him and I will carry him if he doesn't want me to put him down.  If my house looks like a bomb site as a result then so be it.  He's not going to be a baby forever and maybe he just needs me right now.  The awesome little man didn't wake up last night for a feed until 4.45am.  With no 'sleep training' at all, he is nearly sleeping through.  He's happy, putting on weight, smiling lots and this week he's starting to roll over!  At the end of the day my little boy is doing just fine, and if he doesn't want to sleep for very long, then I just have to deal with it!

Snoozing on Dad!  

 

Next time: Speaking the Mushroom's language!