Phonecall

Apologies in advance, this blog is quickly turning into a bit of a downer!  Yesterday I got a call from kindy telling me that the Mushroom had high temps so should probably go and get him. It was 2pm.

Because I'm a bad mother my first thought was fuck, I haven't done the floors yet.

Yep, I'm a bad mother.  My son is sick and I'm worried about the floors.  Let me just explain, I wait to do the floors when  Mushroom is at daycare or the MIL's so they at least stay clean for a couple of hours.  Have you seen what kids do to your house?  Your floors?  It's a trail of destruction.  There's food, toys, objects that cannot be identified... I usually do them first thing in the morning but I was fighting with my daughter to get her to go to sleep and it just didn't happen.

Remember my daughter? The one who used to sleep really well.  Ugh, you know the story, babies like to keep you on your toes.

I call Juffin and tell him I have to pick up the little one due to high temps.  We're both baffled as he seemed fine in the morning.  I'm still thinking about my floors when I get to the kindy 10 minutes later.  And there he is, my first born, curled up on the mat in the foetal position.

My heart.

His little face is tear stained and he's clearly very unhappy.  When I reach down to cuddle him, he's so hot to touch that I gasp.  And he just wants me to pick him up.  But I can't because I'm holding my daughter.

My heart.

I decide to put my daughter on the ground and I cuddle my son.  We get his bag and he wraps himself around my legs and we limp out of there.

At home he cries.  A lot.  I administer paracetamol and a lemonade iceblock.  He curls up on the couch and shudders.  He won't drink, he won't get in the shower.  His temp doesn't move.  I make him drink some hydrolite by telling him it's juice.  He'll always drink juice.  I attempt to pu the baby down for a sleep but she laughs in my face, sleep!  Who needs it?!  I tell Mushroom it's ok if he does want to have a sleep but he says he feels too sick.

The boy wants constant cuddles, the baby wants boob.  I'm dealing with a clingy sick preschooler and an overtired maniac of a baby.

Thankfully Juffin gets home relatively early and right on cue there is spew.  I can't deal with spew.

He puts Mushroom in the shower to rinse off and I clean up.  Please God, I pray, please let there be no more spew.

I put the TV on and we have cuddles on the couch.  Juffin has an optical appointment.  I am mad but try not to show it.  Of all nights, honestly.  I try to feed Molly and cuddle Mushroom but it's not working.  I jump in the shower with Molly and start the process of putting her to bed.  Max is in his pjs and he's ready but wants to wait for Dad. We administer more drugs to try and bring his temp down as he's still burning up.  He says his head hurts inside his noggin.

I am worried.  His temperature doesn't seem to be moving and I don't know what to do.  I'm bracing for an emergency room dash and keep thinking we're in for a big night.  For once, luck is on our side, and we get off relatively scott free.  Mushroom woke around 3.30am with temperatures still soaring but on wake up this morning he is fine!  He's eating, he's laughing, his temperature is fine.... Seriously, WTF?  What's with kids and their mysterious illnesses that just appear and then disappear just as quickly?!

Last night it took 2 hours to get my daughter to sleep.  She had had 20 minutes sleep from 2pm to 8pm.  Seriously.  That's fucked. This morning she's had 20 minutes from 7.30 to 12.30.  Again. Fucked.  At least she's not crying.

She thinks she can crawl already which is probably why she can't sleep.  Too many things going on in her little brain.

Slow down baby girl.

And just because it's been a week since I finished my antibiotics, left boob is sore again.  So you know, time for another Doctor's visit.

I promise the next post will be more positive.  Hopefully I'll find a million dollars in a shoebox buried in the backyard and all my problems will be solved!

/All smiles this morning

Sleep

I feel so much better about parenting and my crappy no-sleeping baby after devouring the articles on this site:
http://www.troublesometots.com/ (Thanks to the lady on babycenter who recommended it!)

You're all familiar with my Mushroom's sleep issues.  Well it looks like we were going through a bit of a sleep regression, which then turned into habitual waking.  Which is bad. We went from sleeping through the night and starting to self settle during day naps to waking 2 hourly at night and feeding to sleep again during the day.  Backwards.  And it's ok to do these things for a week or two but six weeks, longer?!  I can't even remember how long it's been going on but it was definitely time for a change.

So we started with own room.  Success on the first night, slept through.  Then there was two wakings last night, and tonight the little turd just woke an hour and half after putting down.  I'm not comfortable with not feeding at night at all so I managed to feed once last night and rock back to sleep the next waking.  I was feeling pretty proud of us actually.

Tonight I rocked back to sleep after sending the Juffin in there to see if he could settle him but he's a bit crap at it and the crying just escalated.  I managed it in under 10 minutes of rocking, shh-ing and butt patting.  And not in a creepy butt patting way.  Babies like butt patting, trust me.

My problem is this, if I now start with the rocking does that just replace the feeding?  And then how do you graduate from rocking?  And over what period of time do you start to reduce the rocking and start putting him down semi awake?!  I'm not comfortable with lots of crying as I think he's still too little for that so it's a pretty long endeavour at the moment. The whole process is exhausting for me and the Mushroom...  but I'm trying to be strong and firm and consistent!  Perseverance and must remember that I'm the boss not little dude who's only been on planet for 5 months!!

Hard to be tough when he's got a face like this!

Here we go again...

I'm wondering what it's like to have one of those baby's that just falls asleep peacefully and quietly.  Like my son does, at bedtime.  But not any other bloody time.  And before anyone tells me again, yes, we've tried the save our sleep.  My sleep doesn't need to be saved.  His does.

Despite a respite of a few days, Mushroom has gone back to his usual catnapping ie sleep for 30-45mins then wake only to be a grizzly guts.  It takes me at least an hour to get him back down and usually about 30 mins in I get the shits and just pick him up play with him for a while.  I know, I know.  It's just so hard to listen to him cry.

Last night I told the Juffin that I was going to try and be tough today and put my foot down.  This morning he woke at 6.15.  We started winding down for 20 mins before nap time around 7.15, so we did a short top up feed, cuddle and into the hammock by 7.30, drowsy but awake.  I then said Mummy loves you, sleepy time and left the room.

Like a nutcase stalker, I then stood outside the door with the stopwatch and cringed inside as my son grizzle, grizzle, grizzled, for about 7 minutes then started crying.  It took all my strength not to go in there and pick him up immediately.  I waited a minute (that's all I could manage :-() and went back into the room.  I hadn't decided that I wasn't going to pick him up until I saw his little face and he stopped crying immediately and smiled.  And then yawned.  Like a lion yawn.  Little shit.  So I just patted his chest, avoided eye contact, did the shushing thing and waited until he stopped crying, said Mummy loves you, sleepy time and left again.  The crying started before I even got to the door this time but I just faked it and kept walking.  I stood by the door for a while and he stopped crying straight away but was still grunting and grizzling so I went and had a bit of toast.

Crying commenced again as I was halfway through my second bit of toast.  I was thinking that I had successfully managed to put him down for a nap and was congratulating myself on being mother of the year... idiocy.  As the crying sounded a bit more urgent I went back into the room and tried the shush pat thing again... which didn't work.  So I picked him up.  Mushroom lets rip with a giant burp and a bit of spewies down my back and calms down again.  Now feel like worst mother in World as he was obviously gassy earlier and I just left him there.  Terrible.  I rock him a bit, do some shushing and pat his bum for a while then put him back in the hammock.  Which he hates but doesn't cry just protests by grizzling a little bit and yawning lion yawns.  Obviously tired!  I'm standing there indecisively then realise I have to leave again so I march out of the room quickly before he can sense my weakness.  Again I hang around outside the door but I can only hear yelps of protest and general grizzliness, no crying so I decide to go and hang the nappies out.

In the time it takes me to hang the nappies out (2 mins max) Mushroom has nuclear meltdown.  Nanny goat screaming is in full swing and I am panicking thinking that I have been outside dilly dallying for ages but check the time and it has literally been 2 minutes.  Obviously my son has inherited my flair for the dramatic.  There's no shush patting these hysterics away.  I pick him up and rock him, murmuring lovely things like Mummy loves you and it's ok etc etc ad nauseum for a minute or two but it's not abating.  There's real tears flowing now and I'm feeling worse and worse for trying to force my baby to go to sleep on his own.  I think I'm making things worse by getting worked up as well so try taking deep breaths as my son continues to scream right next to my ear.  I surrender.  We hop on the bed and I shove my boob in his mouth and there's instant calm.  My son looks up at me as he's furiously sucking away with such pain and anguish that I feel like I've been well and truly played but also that I'm a terrible Mother because I a) gave in and b) I didn't give in sooner.  I can tell it's going to be the worst day ever and it's only 8.15!

I feed him for a little while until he calms down and then hold him until he falls asleep and then finally put him down for a nap.  Take note of the time people.  It took me over an hour to get him down for a nap.  AN HOUR.  He should have been asleep by 7.30 instead it was more like 8.30.  And he'll probably be awake at 9.30!  In fact I just heard cry out then but no noise since... far out.

So this is where I ask for help.  From anyone.  Please.  I don't need help with night sleeping.  Night sleeping is wonderful.  He is only waking for a feed around 3.30-4am now and goes straight back to sleep.  It's the napping I need help with!!  I don't have caffeine in my diet any more, no chocolate and I try to only keep him up for an hour and 15 minutes tops.  However as it takes me so long to get him to nap, this then means he's been up for close to 2 hours and obviously overtired!  I may as well just start trying to put him back to sleep as soon as he wakes up!  It's a stupid vicious cycle.  The weird thing is that he'll sleep when I go out during the day with no worries.  Shopping centre, park.  Just doesn't seem to want to at home or other people's homes.   I wouldn't mind the catnapping if he was fun to play with but he yawns a lot and gets very grizzly very quickly so is obviously tired and needs more sleep.  I'm just not sure where to go from here!

This nap in the beanbag was only 30 minutes 

Next time:  Growth spurts, wonder weeks, developmental phase... wtf?!

Horrendous

Holidays from hell.  Christmas, New Year, a Juffin that's home for two weeks and a Mushroom that won't sleep again.  Welcome to my nightmare.

I'd like to reiterate that I love the Juffin.  He is an amazing man, wonderful lover, awesome friend and fabulous housemate.  He cooks sometimes, he cleans most of the time, he does the bathroom as he know's I hate it.  He does 99% of the washing up and mostly remembers to put his dirty clothes in the basket.  I love him so very much but far out.  This parent thing is hard and I seem to be taking it all out on him!  I can't seem to stop myself.  I'm turning into a heinous bitch!

When baby's get tired, they display tired signs, like whinging, clenching their fists, shoving their fists in their mouths, and kicking their legs etc.  General unhappiness and some yawning are pretty much a dead giveaway.  Adults are like that for crying out loud.  I'm cranky when I'm tired, I yawn a lot, it's not rocket science. The Juffin doesn't know this however, as he is usually at work all day and has so far, missed out on Mad Max's no sleeping BS.  Until now.

Everything had settled into a semi routine around the 8 week mark.  We were getting a good 3 hr sleep in the morning, around 2 hours in the middle of the day and another 45 mins in the late afternoon, gearing up for dinner/bedtime.  The Mushroom was sleeping through til about 3/4am and I was thinking of introducing a dream feed to see if we could push that waking time back to 6/7am.  Then, because the universe likes f-king with me, all hell broke loose, and it's been shite ever since.

We've gone from reasonable naps, to non-existent ones, a clingy whingey baby who cries every time I try to put him down.  A baby who wants to be nursed around the clock.  A baby who is doing my head in.  At first Juffin just thought that he wasn't tired, because, hey, if you're tired, you'll go to sleep, makes sense right?  Unfortunately baby's aren't wired that way.  They need our help to go to sleep.  And they can quickly become overtired, making it harder to get them to sleep.  And then they have mega meltdowns and scream a lot.  Yay... not.

I was so looking forward to Juffin being home from work so we could spend some time together as a family. Our first Christmas as parents, Max being cute and having play time with Daddy during the day, Mum getting some time off to go and do some shopping and get a pedicure or something.  Alas not to be.  I have no idea what is going on.  The Mushroom will not nap and I'm getting more and more stressed out and blaming my man.....

I started this post a few days ago and didn't post it in the hope that things would get better.  Whilst the catnapping has continued, I think I'm a little calmer about the whole situation.  Last night the Juffin and I even went out.  Without the Mushroom!  Juffin's Mum came over and babysat whilst we went out for Thai and a movie.  I put on a dress.  I was nice to my Juffin.  We ate, we talked (about something other than Mushroom!) we held hands, and we watched a great movie.  It was fantastic.  Admittedly I kept checking my phone and wondering if the Mushroom was ok, and we bolted as soon as the credits started rolling but we went out and the sky didn't fall in.

The last couple of weeks have been horrendous for everyone in our little family and but I know now that I should just go with the flow and enjoy this baby stage because he won't need me soon.  I don't know why I get so worked up about things, feeling like I'm doing things the 'wrong' way.  I've always been pretty confident but this baby business is shaking that confidence.  I guess it's the thought that if you stuff up completely now, it might scar him for life.  But I'm not sure that I believe that and I guess I just have to have some faith in myself!

So my New Year's Resolution is that despite reading into things too much, trawling internet forums and talking to other Mum's, I've decided to go with my instincts and stop worrying what everyone else is saying.  I will pick up my baby if he cries.  I will feed him if he wants food, even if it's only been 1.5hrs since his last feed.  I will feed my baby to sleep if that's what he needs.  I will play with him and I will carry him if he doesn't want me to put him down.  If my house looks like a bomb site as a result then so be it.  He's not going to be a baby forever and maybe he just needs me right now.  The awesome little man didn't wake up last night for a feed until 4.45am.  With no 'sleep training' at all, he is nearly sleeping through.  He's happy, putting on weight, smiling lots and this week he's starting to roll over!  At the end of the day my little boy is doing just fine, and if he doesn't want to sleep for very long, then I just have to deal with it!

Snoozing on Dad!  

 

Next time: Speaking the Mushroom's language!