Four Months

4 days

Where has the time gone?  What happened to my baby boy that was too small for even 0000, who would sleep all day and snuggle into my arm?  Time is moving too fast and I wish it would slow down.

At 6.61kg my Mushroom has now doubled his birth weight, is rolling both ways, talking non-stop and trying to commando crawl across the lounge room. We're still exclusively breastfeeding, (though this has had it's challenges recently, see my post on rubbernecking here), bathing in the big bath now and still trying to eat our own feet. Mushroom is not interested in snuggling much now, he always wants to look around and take it all in.  If you're holding him, he's looking at everything but you.

Whilst there are elements of my old life I miss, mostly the drinking of hard liquor, my new life is not really comparable as it's totally different.  I get up at 6.30 every day and I'm greeted with the most beautiful smiles.  I eat breakfast at the table with my boyfriend whilst our son plays on the floor at our feet.  After Juffin goes to work, I youtube a bad 90s song and the Mushroom and I have a crazy dance off.  Mushroom squeals with delight as we rocket around the bedroom jiggling crazily.  

4 months 

During our day we'll play peekaboo, swim in the paddling pool, practise rolling on the floor, have story time, sing songs, do photo shoots and bake for Daddy Juffin.  In the afternoons, if it's not 1000c, we go for a walk to the shops and buy some milk, or some bread, or a bag of lollies that I manage to scoff on the way home therefore undoing the whole point of the walk. 

Each night at 6.15 Juffin gives the Mushroom a bath and I take 5 by myself but usually end up in the bathroom laughing with my two gorgeous boys.  Bedtime quickly follows and I sit down to a meal with Juffin and we talk about our day.  Washing, dishes, TV watching and showering follows and I'm in bed, another day over.  

It felt like it crept up on me, this motherhood thing.  All through my pregnancy I was a little bit detached, like it was happening to someone else.  When the birth didn't go to plan, it made me feel like a bit of a failure and as I struggled to cope in those first few weeks, I thought maybe I had made a mistake.  Four months on and I'm now wondering why I didn't do this earlier?!  I yak on to all and sundry about my amazingly awesome son, and my old self cringes in embarrassment as I pull out the phone so I can show the cashier at the supermarket a recent photo.  Yep.  I did that.  It sounds cornier to admit, but I live and breathe this child and I feel silly for ever doubting myself.  This is the hardest thing I've ever done, bar none.  Motherhood is damn hard work and I have even more respect for my amazing Mother now.   

This week the cold hard reality of returning to work and income has reared it's ugly head and I'm trying to manipulate the numbers but they all say the same thing.  Best case scenario would be winning lotto and never working again but unfortunately that's not going to happen.  A girl can dream.