Week, wait, what week is it?

Well I think it's safe to say that my poor blog has fallen by the wayside. 

Just like my commitment to healthier living.

Ugh.

Why you so shit Jess?

We just finished school holidays here in Qld and Juffin took a few days off, so I didn't have to and Mushroom only had to spend one day at Vacation care. Brilliant. Molly went to daycare as usual as I worked my normal 3 days and Juffin spent some time with Mushroom on his own.  Doesn't happen very often anymore the poor little one! He was thrilled to have his Dad all to himself.  They watched Star Wars, played Minecraft, went to the movies, ate junk and didn't do any cleaning. 

Of course, as fate would have it, both children took ill during last weekend and I had one vomiting all over the show and the other clinging to my legs whingeing constantly.

Fun times.

So the day's I didn't take off during the holidays didn't really count for much as I was stuck at home with two sick, painful AF children for two very long days. I packed them both off today thinking it would be fine, but got a call just after 2.30 to get Molly who's temps were getting higher and the paracetamol that I'd provided eon's ago had expired.  Of course it had.

At least I got to work most of the day right?

RIGHT?

Ugh.  Hopefully she's ok tomorrow. The bigger one was fine.  Pretty sure he just didn't want to go back to school but fingers crossed he settles in better this term than the last one!

I went to a birthday party with Mushroom over the weekend (BEFORE he got sick) and I got a lump in my throat watching him play by himself.  He didn't really interact with the other kids.  He took off on his own, or stood by and watched everyone else play.  I don't know what's going on.  His teacher said that he has heaps of friends but we've never been invited for a play at anyone's house, not that I've asked anyone over for a play either, but I don't know if that's a sign of him not really connecting with someone or me being a douche.  On the last day of school, they had a fairytale day, and I watched as he sat by himself , he sat a few metres away from the group, and he ate his morning tea.  I urged him to move but he was happy where he was and after Molly and I left, I cried. He didn't seem phased and always talks about playing with this person or that person but it just makes me sad to see him like that.

I'm sure I'm just being a dickhead.  Parenting is killing me.

Being poor is also killing me, so we've had a bit of a chat about reversing our work roles, with me maybe working full time and Juffin picking up some part time work so he can focus on uni and the kids.  It's been 5 years of me working part time now and I'm ready for a challenge, a change, I just don't want the Mummy guilt that will inevitably follow.  Nothing's set in stone, but we know that we can't continue as we are as Juffin is working his guts out for peanuts and not getting any study done and we're barely making ends meet.

Has this arrangement worked for anyone else?  Pros, cons?  How do you deal with the guilt of missing out?  I feel like I still miss out most of the time due to work and the inability to take a two year old along to school things or Molly missing out because on my days off I rush around like a mad thing trying to get shit done.

Week Nine

Ahh gastro.  How I loathe thee!

Mum friends and I have talked about what we'd prefer in terms of shit or spew and I can tell you hands down, that I'd prefer shit any day.

I know.

What kind of fucking things do you and your mates talk about Jess?!  But seriously, when you're a mother of small children, this shit comes up.

Literally.

Hah.

This week nearly made me change my mind.  Thank goodness we only had the back end going and not the top as well.  That would have been a special kind of hell.

Poor Miss Molly lost the bet and ended up with a pretty upset stomach. I got a phone call on Monday from the daycare asking if they could administer paracetamol, of course, no problem.  Didn't hear again.  Upon pickup she was crying because she'd just done a poo and wanted it changed.  She's getting to that age.  Yes, we are attempting to toilet train, no, it is not going well.

When they popped her up on the table to change, dear GOD!  THE POO!  It was like a mudslide in there.  DisGUSTING. We were all gagging.  I was looking around fanning my face thinking, fuck me child, what did I put in your damn lunchbox?!  They put it down to the paracetamol but pretty sure paracetamol has never made anyone shit like that in the history of its existence.

What followed was a pretty shitty night.

Pun intended.

We went through nappy, after nappy, after nappy.

To coincide with this awesome event, it had actually decided to start raining here after years upon years of a pretty serious drought.

I know. 

Stellar. 

Not particularly good timing when your child has gastro and you use cloth nappies.  Literally the definition of FML.

So we're elbows deep in shit nappies, it won't stop raining, Molly's fucking miserable, and I have no dryer... you know what happened don't you?  This cloth nappy Mama had to buy disposable nappies.

Tuesday night was even worse.  There was shit in the bed FFS.   We went through six nappies that night, and two sets of sheets.

I shit you not.

Are we over the puns yet? L O L S!

Juffin took one for the team and took carers leave.  He gets that now. 

He took Molly to the Doctor, washed the nappies, bought the disposables (like I could be seen buying nappies!) and changed and cleaned the river of crap that was my daughters bum hole.

Poor girl.

Poor Juffin.

I went to work.  Woo!

Thankfully Molly was the only one who was affected.

There is a God.

This post is long enough already, but to keep myself accountable, I'll be honest and let you know that I've well and truly fallen off the health and well-being wagon.  I got my period yesterday and I spent the week prior eating shit and feeling sorry for myself because I knew it was coming.  That and I celebrated my 10 year anniversary at work and realised that I have achieved very little in that time... real talk!

BUT my period and feelings of inadequacy should not be a reason to reach for the nearest deep fried food stuff!

Menstruation is not a reason to fill my emptying uterus with chocolate!

Begin shame cycle....

I know that beating myself up about it is pointless and counter productive and dwelling on it will not fix anything BUT THIS IS WHY I AM THE WAY I AM!

So I'm choosing to keep going, instead of giving up like I usually do.  I had a bad week.  I ate some crap.  I got a migraine and I couldn't do my hill walk today and I felt awful that I let my friend down but I also felt bad for missing it!  I can totally do this because it's about making my life healthier, and being a good example for my kids.

Bring it.

Hooray for rain!!

Four

This post is a bit of an update post because my daughter is already four months old.  Four whole months!

Huh?!  Four Months!!  

Even worse, the Mushroom is turning four in October. That's four YEARS old!!

It seems ridiculous.  Unfathomable even.  Time is literally evaporating in front of my face and my kids just keep getting bigger.

Molly moved into her own room over the weekend.  Unlike the Mushroom, there was no decision made.  There was no discussion, no umming and ahhing.  I just put her in there for day sleeps to see how she went and when that was successful, decided to pop her down in there one night and that was that.  She's gone from two wake ups to one.

I haven't taken the hammock down yet.  That seems too final.

Unlike Mushroom, I am not keeping track of the time as closely.  I think little Miss is 19 weeks tomorrow.

Molly has started rolling.  When she can be bothered. And loves laying in the middle of the lounge room, nappy less, kicking herself around so she can see what her brother is doing.  You know, pushing up with her legs and wiggling along on her back.  She's pretty fast too.

She likes chewing her fingers, her rubber fish, blankets, Mummy's clothes.... She drools a lot but there's no sign of any teeth just yet.

Sleeping is hit and miss.  We swing from 3 hour day sleeps to 40 minute power naps, and there's no rhyme or reason with how the day will go. We have learnt to just go with it.  You may remember some stress on my part regarding sleep with my son and while I worry that she's not getting enough sleep sometimes, she's  generally a very happy little girl.  Ahh the lessons I have learnt!

We have lots of smiling but still no laughter.  Juffin, Mushroom and I are trying our very hardest but all we can muster is a squeak.  She's very, very close!

Unfortunately for Juffin, I think Molly is going to be just as chatty as Mushroom and myself.  If I leave her line of sight there is major attitudal squawking, and as soon as I return, big cheeky smiles.  She burbles and gurgles to herself non-stop and loves yakking away with Mushroom who likes telling her big bullshit stories.

No idea where he gets that trait from...

We haven't started solids yet and probably won't for another month or so. We did baby led weaning with the Mushroom and I'd like Molly to be able to support herself sitting before we try real food. She seems very interested in dinner time and we make sure she is right next to us so she can see what's going on.

I'm still breastfeeding exclusively and we haven't tried a bottle yet.  Stupid I know but it felt like there was plenty of time to try and now we've entered the 'fuck it's going to be a shit fight' stage so too hard basket.  I know that she'll take one if she's really hungry... We've also been too broke to go anywhere anyway so really no need to attempt bottle feeding, hah!

At her four month check up last week Miss Molly weighed in at 5.25kg, and measured 58cm in length.  Only 100cm more and she'll be as tall as me!  We're still in 000 for clothes but not sure we will be for much longer, especially over her cloth nappy bum.  Can you say teletubby?!

So here we are, two kids, both in bed sound asleep, me in bed, not far from sleep, a kitchen which needs cleaning and a partner who's focused on his maths homework...

Sidenote; Juffin commenced university study a while ago and is fucking killing it.  I'm so proud of him.  He's the bees knees when it comes to maths and science!

This guy!  Heart eyes!

Anyway, I knew that life would change going from one to two kids, but I didn't realise how much.  I thought I would have time to study, to exercise, to play.  But it seems that I don't have much time at all, despite not working.  The endless cycle of cooking, cleaning and washing doesn't seem to stop.  My attempts at exercise have been feeble at best and walking with a 4 year old on a balance bike who likes to stop dead in front of you every 20 seconds is frustrating as fuck!!

Molly's face!

I barely speak to my partner without little ears listening these days and most of the time we end up texting each other during the day so we don't get interrupted, or I try to stay up late so we can have a proper adult conversation.  I know you're supposed to make time for each other for the sake of the relationship but that seems nearly impossible at this point. We're doing okay though, and even though I miss him a little bit, I know that he's working hard for our future.

If I'm not preparing food, I'm cleaning up after the eating of food and then preparing food for the next meal.  I shit you not.

We do cloth nappies, which means there's always washing.  Hanging, taking off the line, folding, putting away... Molly is a bit of a chucker so there's her multiple outfits everyday and my spewy tops.  The other day she spewed on my shirt and because of the angle it wasn't anywhere near my face where I could smell it, so I just didn't bother getting changed.  I wore that spewy shirt for the rest of the afternoon.  That's real life right there.  At least I've trained the Mushroom to put his clothes away now, that's one male in the house who does....

So life is a bit hard of late, and the money thing is stressful.  I worry that I don't play enough with the kids, that I yell at Mushroom too much, that I give in too easily when faced with coffee, chocolate and/or tantrumming three year olds, but I know that we're lucky and that's all that matters.

Where it all started... 

Grandma

The other day, my friend Ash and I were at the park with our kids, watching other Mum's workout whilst we ate chocolate muffins, and an elderly lady came up to have a chinwag.  She was gushing over Molly, who Ash was holding, and asking lots of different questions, how old, what's her name, what a lovely old fashioned name, isn't she beautiful blah blah blah.

Obviously she was a little confused as she was directing the questions at Ashley but I was answering.  She then dropped this little bomb.

"Are you the Grandma then?"

I'm sorry what?! 

"The grandma, you must be grandma."

I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON!

I laughed as I slowly died inside.

"No, I'm Molly's mother."

"Oh," she goes, "well who's she then," indicating to Ash, "the aunty?"

I said "No, she's just my friend."

She was looking back and forth, back and forth, like she didn't really understand.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I'm the Mum and this is my friend, and we're just hanging out at the park with our kids."

"Oh well," she goes, "She's just beautiful." And then walks away.

WTF old lady!

Do I look like a fucking grandma to you?!

I think I need to invest in some serious skincare my friends because damn, that was COLD yo!!

I got BURNT!

Please tell me I don't look like a grandma?!

Shithead Things Three Year Old's Do

Fact: Life with a Three Year Old is never dull.

Also fact:  Three Year Old's are total shitheads.

I don't know why people say that age Two is terrible, Three is much, much worse.  I would even go as far to say that Three is fucked.

So this post is entitled:  Shithead things that Three Year Old's Do

1. Run
The Mushroom is a runner.  If we're out, he bolts.  The shops, the park, the beach, the pool, he just legs it and he doesn't come back.  He doesn't acknowledge me calling him, threats of violence don't contain him and the promise of reward if he doesn't run has nil effect.  I know now why people put their children on leashes.  I want to so bad.  

2.  Piss and Shit Everywhere
We are currently experiencing a total toilet training regression.  He has started pissing and shitting his pants again.  This is after being super awesome for months.  I pick him up from daycare and he is only wearing jocks because he's been through three pairs of shorts in 8 hours.  When questioned on why he's having so many accidents, I get the illuminating response of: 'my no know'.  I can be thankful he's actually answered me I guess as this is another shithead thing that three year olds do.  

3. Selective Hearing
Selective hearing is one of my pet peeves.  I just can't condone people who don't fucking listen.  I can forgive you if you legitimately didn't hear me but when I repeatedly ask you the same question 5 times and you don't respond, look out.  It boils my goat.  I get so angry that I envision ripping arms out of sockets.  It doesn't help that my lovely fiancé has the same issue.

Arseholes.

4.  Whine.
Like all the FRICKING TIME!  My want it, my want it, my want it, my want it, my waaaaannnnt iiiiitttt, MYYYY WAAAANNNNNTTTT IIIIITTTTTTT, MMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY WWWWAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTT IIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!

You get the idea.  I don't have any teeth left.  I've ground them all away.

5.  Yell
I'm loud.  I'll admit that.  However, the Mushroom is louder. He has no concept of inside voices.  He yells everything and gets so excited that he nearly pees his pants.  If I don't answer him immediately he yells until I do.  I tried to point out the irony of this to him today as see previous paragraph regarding selective hearing but it fell on deaf ears.  Literally.

6.  Sudden Aversions to Random Things
Yesterday I was yelled at to get the 'special apple machine' down from the top of the fridge as he couldn't eat his apple with the skin on... despite 3 hours earlier devouring an entire apple, skin and all. Has total tantrum on the floor because he wants the skin removed immediately or the earth will shrivel up and die.

7.  Wanting Anything That Isn't Theirs
Example:
Would you like a cracker Mushroom?
No my wouldn't.
Ok,  I'm having crackers.
NO! MY DON'T WANT CRACKERS!
Rightio!  No crackers for you.

I sit down to eat crackers.

Muuuuuummmmmmmmm, my try some?

8. Everything Is Mine
Nuff said really.


The list could really go on and on and on and on and ON!

Motherhood.  Why am I having another one again?!  Oh that's right, he's the bees knees (insert love heart face emoji here)