22 Apr 2018

Week Sixteen

My kids are driving me batshit crazy.  They feed off of each other and the oldest one is so defiant. Won't listen, talks back, yells, riles his sister up, runs amok... I'm ready to pack in the towel.  I just walk around with the wooden spoon in my hand wielding it atop my head,  ready to strike at a moment's notice. 

Fuck. My. Life.

Several days ago, Tuesday, Wednesday, they're all the same, I threatened, on a whim, to remove everything from my son's room except his bed.  Toys, books. lego, puzzles.. you name it, the whole lot.  Now I think I'll actually have to follow through and there's so much stuff in his fucking room that the whole thing was a bullshit idea and I really am the worse Mum ever. I should never have said it in the first place but I can't take it back.

Why is it when our kids are misbehaving, that we feel like we're the worst parents in the world?  I thought I was an okay Mum but lately, not so much.  One must soldier on...


School went back this week, can I get an AMEN?!  I totally didn't know about the pupil free day on Monday until the last week of holidays so had to do some begging to the MIL.  I think she was relieved to only have one.

Mushroom seems to have settled back into school quite well but doesn't seem keen on his fave friend from last term anymore.  He won't tell me what happened, just that they're not friends anymore.  The boy in question still says hello every morning and seems keen to talk to Mushroom, but he's being stone cold.  It really does break your heart when you see/hear this shit but obviously it's just life. I've explained to him that you can have lots of different friends and even if you don't play every day, you can still be mates.  I mean, they're 5.  He doesn't seem short on friends so far, so hopefully he'll muddle his way through.

He had his Fun Run this week, it was postponed due to rain from last term.  Of course I was there in my giant sun hat, and no-one else in stupid Nth Qld was wearing one.  What's wrong with people?!  Anyway, they had to run 650m and watching their tiny little legs run that distance was exhausting.  Mushroom didn't come close to winning but I think he ran most of the way, and he was pretty stoked with his ice block afterwards.  His house did actually win on the day so he was telling everyone he won which wasn't a blatant lie.... my son the storyteller.  No idea where he gets that from?!

Molly has taken to removing her nappy after sleep time and then defecating on her bed.  Yes.  She shits on her bed.  It's happened twice now in 3 days and it's a veritable shit show.

Why is she doing this?  Why now?  We're almost bloody toilet trained FFS

She's killing me.

At least Juffin was home to deal with the aftermath today.  And she doesn't play in it.  Just squats and poops.  Good God.

We went to the park on Tuesday so I could wear her out, and I managed to get her off the swing for 3 minutes in total.

Any other Mum's just spend all their time pushing the damn swing?

I've been doing well with my exercise again this week but food has been hit and miss. Need to tighten the reigns, so to speak, and start being strict again.  I'm nowhere near where I should be after all this time due to bad food choices.  At least I seem to have gotten into a groove with the exercise thing, small mercies!

Hooray for fitting into smaller pants! 

My new salties arrived, along with my much needed new work shoes, but I still have to buy some decent walking shoes.  Who likes buying practical things?!

I discovered how to use Insta stories and have spammed all my friends and followers ceaselessly over the weekend.

I would apologise but I'll probably keep doing it.  I love the socials.  Total social whore.

Aside from attending a million birthday parties, and watching my kids ingest an abhorrent amount of sugar, the shoe thing, and starting a new book, I don't have much else to report. We're busy trying to get a few ducks in a row here, hoping to make a big purchase soon, so fingers crossed that all works out and goes smoothly.

Now that I've talked about it, you know it won't.


And on that note, I'll end with this astounding fact, my rents celebrated their 39th wedding anniversary yesterday.  39 years!  They also really like each other and hang out and do stuff together all the time.  It's a bit cute and sickening.  Happy Anniversary Muzz and Colls.  Love you!

16 Apr 2018

Week Fifteen

Alarm goes off early but I'm shattered after staying up too late watching Call the Midwife. I hit dismiss and roll back over. 
Kids come in and crawl all over us, I have work at 9 so I get up, make breakfast and coffee, shower, make-up, facebook, realise the time, freak out and leave...
Finish work at 4.30 and rejoice that it's my only work day of the week however the alternative is staying home with demanding children and yelling... 
Get home and house looks like bomb hit it, Juffin cooking sausages (it's meat free Monday) and there crap everywhere.  Too tired to yell.  Get dressed and do my work out, almost die. 
Dinner turns out to be chilli sausages so everyone has a shit fit.  I think they're delicious but Juffin is blaming me for not telling him that there were chilli sausages in there.. I totally forgot.  Whoops. 
Get kids into bed, tidy up kitchen, folding washing... 

Kids in my bloody bed again for half the night
I don't have to be anywhere so I do my work out whilst the kids watch TV 
I give in and make pancakes as they keep nagging
Hang washing out
Realise at 9.30 that I will murder children if we don't get out of the house so spend 45 minutes packing food and locating hats, shoes and sunscreen to go to the fucking park 
No sunscreen
Stop at chemist warehouse on way to park, transfer dollars into account but account is overdrawn so card won't work. Kids are yelling about wanting jelly beans and pulling shit off the shelves.  Transfer more money onto a different card whilst hissing at children under my breath.  Card works. 
Pack kids back into car and fight with insane toddler who has started planking when entering car seat and screaming at top of lungs.  Ready to pack it in and go home without even visiting park.  Realise that I haven't had coffee which is affecting my ability to cope but have just wrangled kids back into car and don't want to repeat experience.  Macca's coffee it is.  Card wont' work again. 
Use other card.  Juffin going to kill me. 
Get to park!  Finally! 
Extricate bikes, bags, hats, put shoes back on toddler, apply sunscreen, unload scooter and children, converge on park. 
Managed to get table sit down, yelled at by Mushroom who wants to sit elsewhere, have to stop myself from telling him to fuck off and eat a bag of dicks and instead smile sweetly and tell him that he's welcome to sit wherever he likes... he stomps over and throws helmet onto table knocking over my untouched coffee and spilling it all over me and the floor. 
I almost cry. 
He apologises. 
Again I have to stop myself from telling him to fuck off. 
My friend and her kids come and join us.  It's glorious. It would be better with coffee. 
Her Dad does a coffee run.  Day improves immensely.  
Leave park around 12.30 and head home
Small child slept well, big smaller child chilled and watched TV.  I got organised with dinner for family as I was heading out
Went out for dinner with friends.  Had korean food.  Was amazing.  Love girlfriends, love cocktails, wish I could drink  more of them... got home after 11.30. Totally shagged. 

Molly is back at daycare, huzzah!  
Up at 6.30 and get organised, pack lunchboxes, and get sorted for the day.  Mushroom and I are off to do the hill. He has dressed himself and filled his camel pack with cold water.  He can be the most adorable human. 
Drop Molly off and head to hill.  Whingeing starts 2 mins in but as soon as we hit the track he's fine and literally running rings around me.  The track is not as bad as I think it will be until we hit the last 600m which consists of neverending stairs. Stairway of death.  Manage to survive but not sure how. 
On way down it starts raining and we get a bit wet but it's so nice to hang out with my little big boy, he's hilarious. 
We get home and he refuses to shower but I definitely.do.  We get changed and I drop him off at his mates place for a few hours whilst I get some shopping done. 
I wait for 25 minutes for a coffee that is too hot to drink for 30 minutes.  
I wander aimlessly around the shops looking for inspo to buy for my daughter for her birthday.  Nothing looks good.  
Think about having lunch at shops but can't justify spending the money so I buy a piece of steak and bananas (always bananas) and head home.
Mushroom is having a ball so I eat my lunch and then possibly fall asleep on the couch for an hour and a half.  
When I wake up, I make cupcakes for my friends' daughter's birthday on the weekend and Molly's kindy birthday the next day. It's already 4pm so I go and pick up the kids and head home to make dinner.  I'm feeling lazy so make fish cakes with a tin of tuna and leftover mashed potato and pair it steamed vegies and cheesy pasta for the kids.  It's a big hit.  Sometimes you have a win.  
Bring washing in, fold and put away, vow to clean the floor tomorrow, frost Molly's cupcakes and clean up my baking mess and pack Molly's lunchbox.  Tell Juffin to put the dishwasher on before he goes to bed, fall asleep before 10.  

"It my Birthday today Mum?  My birthday?"
No Molly, not today.... poor darling has no concept of time. It's not even 6am...  
Juffin drops Molly off so I put Mushroom to work and we pick up all the shit from the floor and I vacuum.  Ok.  I used the movies as bribery but it totally worked.  We don't have time to mop before I leave but at least I can see the floor again and there aren't toys covering every visible surface.  It's a rush to get dressed, locate shoes, and then fight about wearing appropriate clothes that aren't stained, or holey, or both... must do wardrobe clean out and get out the door on time.    
Get to cinema only to be told that there is a vacation group in our session and seats are limited.  I'll be damned if I have to sit down the front so I race in and nab seats next to another Mum and her daughter.  Movie is dry and hilarious and very British.  Goes straight over Mushroom's head.  Worst ways to kill 90 minutes.  
We hit the shops and get lots of stuff for Molly. Mushroom is savvy shopper and assists by pointing out all the things he'd like for himself and pleading with me that he really needs them right now.  Realise again that I've left the house without coffee and wonder who the fuck I have become.  We get sushi and coffee and stuff our faces.  Manage to get home by 2 and have a little down time before going to pick her up.  I get the mopping done and hang the rest of the washing.   
Pick Molly up.  Get home, start dinner, consider getting takeaway but decide to be good, and we have taco's.  I love Taco's.  
Stay up late with Juffin and Mushroom wrapping presents and getting organised for the big girl's day.  Message my friend to see if she wants to meet for gelato, and so glad that she does.  
Crawl into bed some time after 11.  Realise that I haven't done any exercise today 

The birthday!  
Molly is up at the crack of dawn and is the most excited cherub ever.  
Can't believe we've had her for two whole years.  Can't believe time has flown by. Get emotional and wish she could be a baby forever but love her walking, talking, sassy self.  
Make pancakes for breakfast, dress children, fight with Mushroom about wearing appropriate footwear.  Can't be bothered fighting.  Too tired. Realise that it's raining and washing still on line.  Don't care. 
Miraculously, remember to take chicken out of freezer. 
Pack up snacks and jump in car, late, head to the Strand for gelato.  Molly insists on bringing her new doll and pram so have to walk at snails pace across the road with small child pushing doll in pram.  People think she's adorable.  I think she's a pain in my arse. 
Meet friend for gelato.  Strand is beautiful, kids relatively well behaved.  Head down to the park and spend a blissful two hours soaking up the sunshine and not yelling at children.  
Head home and birthday girl falls asleep en route.  Senior neighbour comes straight over when I get home to return borrowed books and bring present for Molly.   She is adorable. 
Transfer birthday girl to bed and put a nappy on her, locate more books for neighbour, thank for the present. 
Turn TV on for Mushroom and eat some lunch.  Fall asleep on the bed for god know's how long. Wake to Mushroom yelling at me that he's going to poo. 
Put roast chicken in oven at 4pm.  Whip up vegan chocolate cake for tonight. Take kids down to shop to get milk and bread and, you guessed it, bananas.  We also need potatoes for roasting.  Children are quite well behaved considering and I let them ride the unicorn out the front.  They are shit and don't even go up and down.  Rubbish. 
Get home and put vegies on, do dishes.  Go and check clothes and they're still wet. Wash some more clothes and hang out nappies.  
Juffin comes home and is greeted with cheers and affection. This never happens to me. 
He has alcohol so he is my favourite person today.  He entertains children whilst I finish dinner.  We eat and have cake.  My kids are happy.  My daughter is ecstatic.  Chocolate cake is her favourite thing in the whole wide world.  I still can't believe that she's two. 

"It my birthday Mum?"


8 Apr 2018

Week Fourteen

I did it you guys!  I did 30 minutes of exercise for 30 damn days in a row!  I'm amazing! 

What is amazing is that how amazed I am at myself for even managing to stick to that shit.

Look at my dumb, sweaty face! 

And guess what?

I lost and gained 2.5kg in 30 days. 


What a rort!


I feel better.  I look better.  My fitness has improved.  And I think I'm less cranky.

Though after this weekend, Juffin and the kids may disagree...

We had an up and down week.  Juffin had a few days off due to school holidays and I had my usual days off and I think that this messed with the kids and their routine a little bit.  That and succumbing to illness as soon as the holidays hit. 

Both have had high temps, coughs and snotty noses.  Juffin took them both to the Dr on Wednesday and it was the usual undisclosed virus.  What can you do? Nothing.  They seemed to rally quite quickly but we still have snot.

And coughs.

And attitude. 

Molly had holiday days off from daycare also so we've all been in each other's faces all week.  Aside from Tuesday when I took them both to their grandmother's house so I could do the floors and lay on the couch. 

She's has stellar days with the toilet training and has zero accidents and then follows it up with pissy pants all day long!  I don't understand it!  We will persevere and hopefully things will click soon.  I'm sick of washing damn nappies.

Here she is having a moment in the trolley on Friday.  It was a tough time for everyone.  Shopping with two children is really my limit.  I struggled to keep my shit together and they mostly didn't. 

Fun times!

I had fun with Mushroom making slime.  Our first batch wasn't awesome, but the next batch was more than satisfactory.  I think I'm a bit awesome now.  Just saying...

It's actually really relaxing playing with it. I kinda like it.

Caution, period talk coming up... Since having the mirena in.  I've had my period twice. In a month.  Which is a bit shit.  It also lasts for over 10 days.  Which is majorly shit.  I'm trying to be positive and trust the process, so fingers crossed this bullshit doesn't carry on for 6 months.  I'm pretty sure that my body is a bit stupid however, as I had no breaks from periods after child birth, despite breastfeeding both my kids on demand, and when I started taking the mini pill again, my periods were all over the show for months. 

What I'm trying to say, is that it's normal and I just have to trust that it will all settle down and sort itself out.


In preparation, I've gorged on chocolate, eaten potato chips and pasta, as I officially start another workout plan tomorrow.  Except this one is 90 days. 

Fingers crossed I can do it! 

Getting Juffin to take measurements tonight, as didn't do that before the last one and make sure the alarm is set.

In other news, Juffin has pink eye, and blamed me.  However my eyes are shiny white and not at all itchy.  I told him his body is trying to tell him something, ie don't stay up late studying all week and then play video games until 2am on the weekend and not expect to pay for it somehow.  I mean, I know that I definitely need to work on going to bed earlier, but he's an absolute shocker.  Last night, he watched a fucking movie that I wanted to watch with him, without me.  I almost kicked him out of the house.  Who does that?! 

Ps my little big girl is 2 on Friday.

W T F (insert crying eyes emoji here)