15 Jan 2018

Week 2

I spent the last week frantically worrying about my big boy going to school and trying to get my shit together and order everything.

We got the booklist online but it still hasn't arrived.  I'm now confused as to where it ends up.  Do I have to pick it up from the school?  Will it get delivered to my house?  Is there some sort of pick up location?  I paid $13.95 for shipping FFS.  I got an email saying my order was being processed but that is literally it.  For nearly 3 weeks now we've heard nothing.  This school shit is stressing me out! 

I went to the School Locker shop at Domain and after walking around for 5 minutes the helpful gentleman informed me that they don't stock his school's uniforms. 

Of course you don't.

I went to get shoes and because it's a week before school the lovely sales attendant basically told me that there's fuck all shoes left in his size. 

Of course there isn't.

He ended up getting some fabulous shoes because he's fabulous and fuck her, but seriously, he has Nike's and he's 5. Who even am I?

My amazing friend Tarra tagged me in a school uniform shop on facey so Juffin took the little one there and we finally got some shirts.

In a size 4 because the size 6s are sold out.

Of course they are.

I am over this school shit and it hasn't even begun.  He's going to a fucking public school for crying out loud and I think we've forked out nearly $500 already and there's still more to buy!  He needs a reader bag, a library bag, a house shirt, a hat... I need another job.  Or a rich husband. 

To alleviate stress I've been exercising my fat arse off and posting sweaty selfies on instagram so I can get the love and encouragement that I deserve. 

I took comparison pics of myself and literally cannot tell the difference despite having to go down a size in my work skirts.... I look exactly the same in each pic despite being months apart but as if I'm going to share them here!  Ain't nobody needing to see that! 

Seriously though, it's hard work not succumbing to temptation and eating all the foods but I think my head is in the right space for once.  When you're as big as I am, the road is long and it seems pointless but hopefully I'm making long lasting, positive changes.  And setting a good example for my kids.  Here's to a healthier me in 2018! 

I don't want to jinx myself and talk about Molly's sleeping here so I won't.

I've probably fucked it now.

I caught up with one of my nearest and dearest, kept up with the washing, cleaned out my makeup AND washed all the brushes, and ate some pretty fantastic pineapple.

My kids are healthy, work is good, Juffin seems happy.. what more do you need? 

Always feasting - will miss our Tuesday's at the park :-(

7 Jan 2018

Week 1

The first full week of 2018 is over!  FAR OUT!  I have no idea what I do with my time (psych avoid washing and watch Veronica Mars) however, it is literally flying by!  My Mushroom starts school in two short weeks!  TWO!  How is that even possible?  I'm nowhere near prepared.  Shocker to no-one I'm sure.  Hopefully we manage to pull it off.. we usually do.. haha!

Molly is a menace.  Unlike her brother, she likes getting into shit and wreaking havoc.  Just yesterday she drew all over our sheets with marker and chocolate muffin'ed Mushroom's bed.

I have no idea where she got the muffin from, probably stashed from the day before, and whilst it was sheet washing day, I hate being forced to do it.

She has also started raiding the freezer (upside down fridge) for ice and leaving the fucking door open.

Misbehaving is funny.  She likes seeing my angry red face bearing down on her as I try not to use words that you shouldn't in front of small children.

Because then they use them too.. eg 'For fuck's sake Molly' which I overheard her big brother say in his room on Thursday when they were playing Lego.


I'm an awesome parent.

I will try and be consistent and trudge on.  She's not even two yet and already giving us heaps so I think we're basically screwed.  Is there such a thing as terrible pre-two's?  We're so there.

And before any of you start, I was a wonderful child.  It's not even karma.

I was gifted a beautiful timber King Single bed for Mushroom so we had a bit of a clean out and I sold his old bed.  What a shit show. Just a gentle reminder on courtesy and manners, if you have NO intention of collecting item on pre-arranged day/date/time, then kindly refrain from FUCKING POSTING THAT YOU WILL!!  Jesus Christ!  I waited all day on Thursday for this dumb moll to come and collect this bed, which she had prearranged only hours after I posted the damn ad, only to be blown off 35 minutes before.

My kids like going out.  We like going to the park.  Morning's are the best time for this due to us living in hell, I mean a tropical paradise.  I understand that life happens but I feel like in this particular instance she had no intention of coming to get the damn bed.  So don't be a dick and actually show up. Or don't comment at all.

Totally sold the bed on gumtree within 12 hours of posting and they picked it up straight away. Facebook sucks.
Smiling because it was 7am and they'd already destroyed the house 

I had my pre-mirena consult and apparently my vjayjay is good to go.  Yew!!  She said some things about dilation and cervical something or rather and risks, perforation, blah blah blah.  I mean, I did listen, but I've been through so much shit in the past five years that I'm literally like, if it's shit, we'll just take it out.  So it's happening!  We're doing this thing!  Fingers crossed for no drama.  I love the drama but, really, do not need more health dramas. Bring on February!

Now I was going to talk about how I tried to use the cheapie menstrual cup and it went horribly wrong but I think I'll save that for it's own special post so people can choose whether to read that one or not...

Also, no big deal, but I've been up Castle Hill two weeks in a row.

I haven't done anything else and comfort ate due to period all week but I've done that.

I'm taking it.

Next week I will try and get my shit together and get school ready. Unfortunately the school uniform shop isn't open until the 18th so we'll have to wait until then but we can get shoes at least.  A new bag, lunchbox, drink bottle.. I need to sell some more shit. 

My baby boy is no longer a baby.

My heart hurts.

1 Jan 2018

Happy New Year!

I wish I could say that I spent my first day of 2018 productively, but that would be a big, fat lie.  I spent my day rolling around in bed, watching Veronica Mars, which I've seen in it's entirety about 4 times already, and eating things I shouldn't.

I woke up with a bad headache. And not from drinking too much alcohol last night.  I wish.  I think my period is on its way, yay... not.  No, we took the kids to see the family fireworks at Riverway, and, I don't know why, but this morning I woke up feeling a bit shite and sorry for myself so I left the boys to it, after putting Molly down for a nap and I retreated to the AC cave that is my bedroom.

At some stage this afternoon I felt guilty and thought we probably should have organised something to do today, something fun, like take a day trip somewhere, but it was too late, and I feel shithouse about it.  So I took the kids for a big long swim and threw Mushroom around the pool a bit.  Don't get me wrong, he had fun with his Dad today, they built lego, watched movies, created things, I just feel like we should have organised something.  It's the first day of 2018 after all, and he starts school soon....  I don't feel like I'm winning any parenting awards.

2017 has been our toughest year yet.  Mushroom has been especially challenging.  His behaviour has gotten pretty shocking.  Hitting, yelling, hurting his sister, disobedience and defiance.  I'm not sure what to do to be honest.  I'm trying to be consistent, not lose my temper.  It's hard.  Last night, he just went mental.  He was running around crazy, throwing stuff in the air, pushing his sister over.  It was like he'd never been outside before.  We had to threaten to leave a few times and Juffin had to use his Dad voice.   It was only when they announced that the fireworks were starting, did he sit down.  And my goodness!  He was so mesmerised and full of joy, that I started to cry. How can you be so challenging?  And frustrating and defiant and then be so lovely and sweet!  He was snuggling up to me with his little face to the sky in total awe.  I had the realisation that in all his five years, he'd never seen fireworks in real life before.  He used words like magnificent and amazing.  I felt so awful.  So guilty.  It was a bit of a moment.

So I'm selfish.  That goes without saying. We all like doing specific things and I'm no exception.  It's just hard to drag around kids that won't listen, who won't stay still, who misbehave, who cry when you say no to that giant icecream/packet of chips/ride and then you have to deal with all the judgey looks from all the people staring as you drag your son away and chastise him through gritted teeth.  Add stupid heat to that equation and you've got a shite situation.

I don't deal well with it but I need to stop worrying about it.  It's making me crazy.  I love my kids and this year, I'm going to try harder.  After the shit year that 2017 was, and all the amazing help that we received, I am only hoping that 2018 is a tad better.

I'm going to try harder and be there for my kids, do more, listen more, be 'present'.  I want to give back to my community a little bit.  I'm going to stop yelling at Juffin, stop being jealous of others and what they have, read more books and watch less TV.  Move more and be more mindful of goes into my mouth.

I just want to be a better Mum, lover, friend, colleague and family member.

Not much right?


Tiring them out after a lazy day