14 Mar 2017


You guys.

My lovely partner, who is always right and so lovely and amazing, doesn't believe that we need a bigger fridge.

Please tell him he's wrong!

Important footnote: we already have a chest freezer not in use. We just need a standalone fridge and we'd be set.

It's hot here. All our sauces and condiments have to go in the fridge.

As does 90% of the fruit and all the vegetables.

All the baking, and bread have to fit too.

And the kids 15 million drink bottles.

Please, convince him. So that way when I win a squillion dollars, I can get a big ass one!

Pps that is my slow cooker bowl full of curried lamb ready to cook all day tomorrow while I'm at work.

I know. I'm fucking organised.

6 Mar 2017

Work Family

Red Velvet
Last week on Thursday I made cupcakes to sell at work.

Things have been tough, but I'm not going to go into details here.  There are people worse off than us and we have enough money to eat and pay our bills and honestly, I'm sick of harping on about it. It was a particularly tight week, we needed the money AND people have been asking for them.

Vanilla with Choc Ganache
So I made cupcakes.  I spent most of Wednesday night creaming things (butter and sugar, not my jeans), using lots of chocolate and butter and sugar and piping mountains of that sugary goodness onto smaller mountains of sugary goodness.

I sold most of them.  The Red Velvet is always super popular and I sold all 24 of those and only came home with 11 vanilla.  I should have just made the vanilla on vanilla like I was going to but I changed my mind at the last minute.

Anyway, I sent out an email to all my work mates thanking them for buying a tasty treat as we had been doing it a bit tough lately.  I only sell the cupcakes for $3 each, so hardly making a fortune, but every cent counts lately and I really do appreciate people spending their hard earned cash on my amateur baking.

Fast forward to today and my Manager came and found me and handed me an envelope.  She said it was just sitting on her desk with my name on it.

I found this inside:

You guys!!  I had tears streaming down my face. And had to steal one of my pod partner's tissues.

The gift card is for $75.  $75!!!

I don't know who gave this to me. They obviously don't want to be found out and I have my suspicions but I may never know.

Here's some truth for you all, it's hard returning to work after maternity leave.  The first time was hard, but I think this was harder.  You're leaving your babe for probably the first time, the logistical nightmare of getting kids (multiple) ready and getting to work on time, and looking like a human being and not a mumzombie.  Coupled with the lack of sleep, expressing breast milk and preparing food for all the family to eat during the day and then dinner when you get home... and that's not counting the actual work!

Your brain just doesn't function properly after you have a baby!  Add a workplace with lots of new faces, people in different roles, changes to processes and procedures and new reports and you just constantly feel a bit awkward, on the outs, like you missed the joke and you're standing on the outside grinning like a moron pretending that you get it.  That's been me at work for the last 6 weeks and working 3 days hasn't helped to alleviate that feeling either.

So whilst this gift card is an amazing gesture in itself, it has also made me feel incredibly loved and appreciated. Like I really am a part of the team. That people really care about what happens to me.

And I'm crying again now so I'm going to wrap it up.

I can't wait to repay the favour and pay this little kindness forward one day soon.

It's been like a big fluffy hug for me today and I so fucking needed it.

28 Feb 2017


Mushroom slipped over tonight.

On a piece of flat lego.

He howled for at least half an hour and I laughed silently for at least half of that time.  Until I realised that his howling would probably wake his baby sister and then I started hissing at him to stop carrying and be quiet.

Can you say Mother of the Year?

Also, can someone please explain why a four year old boy is moodier and has more attitude than a 14 year old girl?  Always with the dramatics!  He literally threw himself on the floor in a flurry of tears and howled.

I'm in serious trouble.

Unrelated, I hosted a Tupperware Party the other day and if I ever attempt to do that again, please tell me not to.  Stress on a whole other level.

I had so many baking fails. Like three fails, in three hours.  That's unheard of Jessica's kitchen.  So this is my note to self, don't host parties where you do all the food, including making pastry and don't apply for MKR 2018 cos I clearly can't cope with the pressure.

Just don't do it future Jess.

Please share with me your Mother of the Year moments.  I am still laughing as it was so comical watching him slide across the floor and do the splits.  I felt bad for a second but I was shuddering I was trying not to laugh so much.

Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Hey!  I'm super dramatic and insane!
Disclaimer:  The above photo was taken in the carpark at the pool.  I was not driving and taking selfies.

I only do that when the kids aren't in the car.

Just kidding.  I don't selfie in the car.  That's dumb. Don't do it.