18 Jul 2018

Week, wait, what week is it?

Well I think it's safe to say that my poor blog has fallen by the wayside. 

Just like my commitment to healthier living.


Why you so shit Jess?

We just finished school holidays here in Qld and Juffin took a few days off, so I didn't have to and Mushroom only had to spend one day at Vacation care. Brilliant. Molly went to daycare as usual as I worked my normal 3 days and Juffin spent some time with Mushroom on his own.  Doesn't happen very often anymore the poor little one! He was thrilled to have his Dad all to himself.  They watched Star Wars, played Minecraft, went to the movies, ate junk and didn't do any cleaning. 

Of course, as fate would have it, both children took ill during last weekend and I had one vomiting all over the show and the other clinging to my legs whingeing constantly.

Fun times.

So the day's I didn't take off during the holidays didn't really count for much as I was stuck at home with two sick, painful AF children for two very long days. I packed them both off today thinking it would be fine, but got a call just after 2.30 to get Molly who's temps were getting higher and the paracetamol that I'd provided eon's ago had expired.  Of course it had.

At least I got to work most of the day right?


Ugh.  Hopefully she's ok tomorrow. The bigger one was fine.  Pretty sure he just didn't want to go back to school but fingers crossed he settles in better this term than the last one!

I went to a birthday party with Mushroom over the weekend (BEFORE he got sick) and I got a lump in my throat watching him play by himself.  He didn't really interact with the other kids.  He took off on his own, or stood by and watched everyone else play.  I don't know what's going on.  His teacher said that he has heaps of friends but we've never been invited for a play at anyone's house, not that I've asked anyone over for a play either, but I don't know if that's a sign of him not really connecting with someone or me being a douche.  On the last day of school, they had a fairytale day, and I watched as he sat by himself , he sat a few metres away from the group, and he ate his morning tea.  I urged him to move but he was happy where he was and after Molly and I left, I cried. He didn't seem phased and always talks about playing with this person or that person but it just makes me sad to see him like that.

I'm sure I'm just being a dickhead.  Parenting is killing me.

Being poor is also killing me, so we've had a bit of a chat about reversing our work roles, with me maybe working full time and Juffin picking up some part time work so he can focus on uni and the kids.  It's been 5 years of me working part time now and I'm ready for a challenge, a change, I just don't want the Mummy guilt that will inevitably follow.  Nothing's set in stone, but we know that we can't continue as we are as Juffin is working his guts out for peanuts and not getting any study done and we're barely making ends meet.

Has this arrangement worked for anyone else?  Pros, cons?  How do you deal with the guilt of missing out?  I feel like I still miss out most of the time due to work and the inability to take a two year old along to school things or Molly missing out because on my days off I rush around like a mad thing trying to get shit done.

25 Jun 2018

We Eloped

For those that aren't on my socials, I got married this weekend.  Like I ran away, with my lover, my best friend, my baby daddy, and I married him.

I took this as a sign that we were doing the right thing.

Eloping is kind of a big deal.  Especially in this day and age.

Obviously Juffin and I have been together for a long time.  Ten and half years actually, and we'd been engaged for nearly five.  However, we'd been talking about marriage for nine of those years.

Juffin has been married before. Yes.  He's very old... not.  The first time, he got married young, and it didn't work out and that's what happens sometimes when people are young and in love and reach that point and think fuck it, let's get married.  I'm not saying that it's wrong, it just doesn't work out for some couples and that's ok. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We talk about it now and he has no regrets.  Neither do I.  We both had to be where we were for things to work out.  Otherwise they wouldn't have.

I digress.

Can you tell that I've had some vinos?  Haha

We'd had numerous discussions about getting married. 

Married in the Daintree with our closest friends and family, booking a whole place out for a weekend. 

What about an 'engagement' party surprise wedding in the backyard? 

Then it was literally going to be visiting the registry office and spending the night at a hotel, but that wasn't an option in Townsville anymore. 

We just liked the idea of eloping... We'd talked and talked and TALKED and nothing came of it.  People stopped asking when we were going to get married.  They just stopped.

And then a few months ago, shit got real.  We'd talked about going to New Zealand, going to Tasmania, going somewhere different, exotic, far away, and then we thought, why?  Why not just go somewhere close, but not too close, and do it?  We had some money, for once, we could afford it.  What part of the world did we love?  Where had we spent amazing times?  Why not just get this shit done?

So we set a date and we started the wheels in motion. 

I looked up how much notice we needed, one month.  I googled celebrants.  I googled accommodation.  I googled my little heart out.

And can I just say here that this is why eloping is hard.


If you want to elope properly, which we sort of did, then you can't talk to anyone!  I'm a sharer, a talker. Keeping this fucking secret was HARD!

We booked a celebrant, we bought our rings, I bought a dress, we ummed and ahhed over locations.

In May we told our parents because we knew that we'd need someone to watch the kids for the weekend and whilst I thought my Dad would be ok if I told him I'd eloped, I'm not sure my Mum would have.  They were so happy to be involved, so excited to keep a secret.  Juffin rang his Mum and Step Dad and again, there was nothing but love. We're so lucky.

I booked accommodation, got my dress altered, kept looking for the perfect shoes.

On that home stretch I may have fibbed a little. I told people that we were going away on our own for a weekend, child-free to a wedding on the Tablelands.

I just didn't tell them that it was ours.

I didn't really talk about it at all as thought my face would give it away.

I told my friend we were going away on her birthday and she laughed and said we should elope. I thought I was going to die but managed to laugh it off.  I thought for sure that she knew what we were up to but she didn't say another word about it.

Juffin bought his suit, we finally locked in on a location, we wrote out vows, I decided to get my hair and makeup done and frantically looked around for someone to do it.

We were a week out and that's when I thought we might actually get away with this, it might actually happen.

I started telling random strangers.  When I managed to find the perfect shoes, I told the lady in the shoe shop that I was eloping on Friday.

When I got my legs waxed on the Tuesday before, I told the random 22 year old that I was getting married on Friday.

On the Wednesday night before we left, my mummy friend asked me where we were going.  I'd been vague, which is unlike me, and said we were going away to a wedding.  She outright asked me if Juffin and I were eloping, to which I just replied with laughing emojis.

I nearly had a panic attack.

I wanted to surprise everyone, yet wanted someone to share it with and Juffin was being a typical male who was like, yeah, it's great, what's the big deal?!


Then it was Thursday and we were leaving and it was actually happening.

We stayed in Cairns on Thursday night.  We met with our celebrant, the amazing Amy @ The Merriment Co Cairns  and had a chat about what we were hoping for, if it was any more casual, we'd probably all be asleep, lols.  Then we went out, had some Pho and saw Solo - A Star Wars Story.

I couldn't marry a man who'd never eaten Pho before.


And then it was Friday. Our wedding day. 

The hair and make up wizard came to our B&B in Cairns and made me look pretty before we left.  Danielle from Cairns Bridal Makeup was so beautiful and professional and amazing.  You can find her here if you need someone in that area...

We left Cairns an hour after we'd hoped, almost 1.30pm, and we'd been hoping to get to our location by 3pm, at this rate it would be almost 5pm!

 Me being me and Juffin being Juffin meant that there were a few hysterics and alot of nonchalant whatever's.

I'll let you guess who was doing what.

And then we got to our treehouse and it was magic.

We got dressed.

We hopped in the car and we drove to the Curtain Fig tree where we met Amy, and we got married.

I cried when Juffin read his vows.

I cried when I read my vows.

I cried so much that snot came out.

I wiped the snot off.

We had dinner in Yungaburra at an amazing restaurant.  Drank too much, ate too much, went back to our treehouse and pretended that we were childless for a few days.

And now that's how we eloped.

Married after ten and half long years.

And we both lived happily ever after.

The end.

17 Jun 2018

Weeks Twenty Two and Twenty Three

Well I didn't even make it halfway through the year before I missed a week.  And not just one week, two! 


I think that when I decided to blog weekly I thought that my life was more interesting.  Turns out, it's really not, and I'm not sure that me whingeing weekly about my life is as exciting as just sharing funny or exciting events on the blog.

Does that just sound like I'm trying to get out of blogging weekly?

Because I am.


Leading up to last weekend Molly and I had some little chats about no longer breastfeeding.  We were still having a bedtime feed, and I know that MANY people have things to say about breastfeeding past a certain age but I don't give a flying fuck.  My child, my business. 

I was going away for my sister's hens weekend in Brisbane and I think that she's too old for bottles, I wasn't going to express and frankly I was sick of it.  Breastfeeding a two year olds is hard work and she was starting to jump around and try and take me with her.  Um no.  Hell no.  So we had a few chats and then I did the bad mother thing and ran away.  For three nights. 

When I had a chat to Juffin about it, he said that she didn't notice.  She didn't ask about it, she didn't even mention it.  She didn't even seem to notice that I was gone. 


I got back on Sunday, bedtime as normal.  As was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday... When I say normal I mean still a shit fight but absolutely no mention of breast milk.

Then on Thursday, she has an hysterical meltdown because she wants boobie milk.


A week later.

That afternoon, I'd listened to her kindy educator tell me how intelligent and clever she is.  Ummmmm, are we talking about the same child because clearly this girl is a little slow on the uptake.  I mean I get it, I wasn't around so she didn't notice, but I'd been home for over 4 nights!  Unbelievable. 

I was actually feeling sad that she didn't notice, now I just felt bad for taking it away from her.  But I didn't give in.  Because I'm a mean Mummy and breastfeeding two kids for two years each is enough.  And now it's over.  Forever.

Will never have to boob in the car again!

I left my kids for a few days and went to Brisbane.  On my own.  I drank alot, I ate alot, I managed to get my flight home and wasn't in some kind of death state.

The only selfie I took.. who even am I?!

A bad cold ripped through work and because I never get enough sleep, and I'm too busy trying to get everyone else organised, I ended up having a day off work as all the snot and the constant cough finally caught up with me.

Boo to bad health.

I've been very lax in the fitness department and bad habits die hard.  I wish I could say that I'd made mostly good choices but that would be a big fat lie.  I thought I'd be further along my journey by now, but sadly, I'm not.  No-one to blame but myself.

Mushroom has been doing much better at school and though his behaviour isn't exemplary, I love that he's a cheeky shit sometimes.  I'm not supposed to say that am I?  It's hard not to laugh when he's mimicking his father or myself.  The no picking up of toys is actually driving me insane though and today I nearly lost my shit and threw everything in the bin. I have to start enforcing the pack up before you move on to the next thing.  There's stuff everywhere!

Today I said that they could watch a movie, which is rare these days, and they ended up tipping the popcorn all over the damn floor.  So this happened:

I am over cleaning up other people's messes. It's not my job.  And I have to do this for at least 15 more years.  I'm not sure my head won't explode before then.

Can I just throw out all of our stuff?!