21 Dec 2012

Seriously?

In the words of an infamous Australian, please explain.  If I get asked one more time whether my son is a 'good baby' I will have a hard time holding my tongue.  What the hell is a 'good' baby?  Define a 'good' baby for me please!

Let's look at the things that generally people are talking about when they say 'good baby':

Mushroom is a great night sleeper.  Now that we have settled into a good nighttime routine, he goes down without a peep 9 times out of 10.  Bedtime is generally around the 7pm mark so Mushroom will sleep from around 7.30pm to 2.30 - 4am, wake for a feed, then go STRAIGHT back to sleep until 5.30am.  In my book, this is frickin awesome.  I'm not kidding.  I don't care that he wakes up for a night feed, BECAUSE HE GOES STRAIGHT BACK TO SLEEP!  However, this does mean that he's not sleeping 'all the way through' hence I'm pretty sure that that disqualifies him from the 'good' baby moniker.

Day sleeping is another story.  Some days he will go down without any fuss, others he won't.  Sometimes he'll sleep for 3 hours, other times he'll only sleep for 20 mins and howl like a banshee.  Every day is different.  Now that he's a bit older, we're getting into more of a set routine but honestly, that could change in half an hour.  I guess that definitely puts him off that 'good' baby list as he's unpredictable and has been known to fuss about sleeping during the day.  

Mushroom cries sometimes.  Especially when he's cranky, wants to be picked up, is hungry or generally just feels like having a bit of a yell.  This is a baby's only way to communicate.  Late afternoon is the worst time as by the end of the day, he's generally had a gutful of the world and needs to go to sleep.  Most of us feel like crying at the end of the day too.  Because Mushroom cries, this obviously disqualifies him from the 'good' baby club.

Mushroom gets really fussy too.  He doesn't like being hungry, or having a wet nappy.  He will then shriek and whinge and grizzle until I attend to him.  Some days he's like that all day and I just put it down to him having his 'period'.  I guess this means he really can't be in that 'good' baby group.

Now that we've passed that magical 8 week mark, I feel much more confident about my parenting capabilities, I think that the Mushroom can sense that too, because despite a rough few weeks there, we're going great guns!  He smiles, he's 'talking' more, he's enjoying being on his tummy for longer periods.  We have great play time and good sleep time now too.  Mum can get the washing done and the cleaning done and even have a nap if she so inclines...

The next time someone asks me if my Mushroom is a 'good' baby I will politely say yes, of course he is, as what the hell else would I say?  But inside I'll be saying phooey to you and your 'good' baby.  I don't want a 'good' bloody baby.  A 'good' baby sounds boring as hell!  Sleeping all the time, not crying, coasting through...  My Mushroom is totally awesome and I love that every day presents a new challenge and that no two days are the same.  I love watching him shriek, and cluck and yell.  It's amazing watching him grow and seeing him become more aware of his surroundings.  I love that when I sneak in to check on him sometimes that he's already awake and greets me with a giant smile.  I like my 'bad' baby so much that I might even have another one in the future.... So there!

Trying to lift his 'bad' baby head off the ground! 
Next time:  Did the World end?

19 Dec 2012

Shopping

I'm a traitor to the female population as I hate shopping.  Like really hate it.  So Christmas is like a super fun time for me.  Now, let me make this clear, I don't hate Christmas, I hate SHOPPING.  Say it with me, SHOPPING!  Ok, glad we got that cleared up.

There's something about shopping centres that just make me want to curl up in a ball and wail.  They're horrid, soul sucking places and I feel like the last few weeks I have spent all my damn time in them.  I love online shopping, online shopping is fun, and easy, and not soul sucking.  Physically walking about shopping centres with hundreds of other people is soul sucking.  I'll just say soul sucking one more time then we'll move on, soul sucking.  There we go.

By this stage,you're probably thinking that I'm a horrible grinch who hates buying gifts for people.  I don't hate buying people presents, I like buying people things.  I even like giving them the things that I have bought.  I just hate when you HAVE to buy presents and you have no idea what to buy them.  You spend hours wandering aimlessly looking at a million things and racking your brain for the perfect gift for someone who usually buys themselves the things that they want, or every gift idea you have is unbelievably expensive and therefore not feasible.  At this point you've been looking at the same crap for over 4 hours and you end up buying a piece of shit that you wouldn't even buy yourself just because you can't give them nothing.  To top off your super fun experience, the shops are bloody awful at this time of year and people are 'expletive, expletive' rude.  I have a damn pram, get the f out of the way!!

Shopping with an infant makes shopping even more fun.  Not.  Getting bloody organised to go out is hard enough.  I literally start getting ready 2 hours before we have to get out the door.  Especially if the Mushroom is still awake.  If he's awake then I get cried at every time I'm not paying attention to him.  He'll be happily playing on his mat, or in his bouncer, I take my eyes off him for one second to check the nappy bag situation and then it starts.  Rockstar.  No shit.  So then we start the whole song and dance, whilst I try and cart him around and organise bags and nappies and prams and the kitchen sink (I was just kidding about the kitchen sink....)  If I haven't had a shower at this point then that can take even longer.  I've even put his bouncer in the bathroom and left the shower door open so he can see me.  It's a little weird but it works for now and much better than coming out and finding a screaming mess because I dared leave his sight for 5 minutes.  Little darling.

So getting organised, right.  I have to check the nappy bag, make sure there's at least one nappy for every hour of proposed expedition.  At least one change of clothes for Mushroom, in case he pees on himself or has an accident as he's prone to do.  Two wraps, one to wrap around him as it's cold in the shops, one to put over the pram so the fluoro lights don't make him crazy.  Wipes, bottom balm, baggies for used wipes, wet bag for dirty nappies.  Spew rag.  A toy.  His red book, in case we have medical dramas whilst we're out.  Mum's purse, keys, lip balm, paracetamol, water bottle and a spare shirt for Mum in case we have shoulder spewies.  Yes.  I have to carry around all that shit.

When we finally get all that crap together, we have to start the car and put the pram in.  In North Queensland it's always a gazillion degrees, so you have to cool the car down before you put your baby into it otherwise you will cook them.  I'm not kidding.  If the car's been out in the sun all morning, it's nigh on 45c inside that thing.  You could fry an egg on the bonnet.  I usually let the car run for at least 5 minutes whilst I pack it up and then put the Mushroom in there just before we go so it's not too bad by the time we depart.  You can see why it takes me 2 hours to get ready.....

Once we get to the shops, the Mushroom will decide whether he wants to be good or be like his mother  mother and start with the shopping anxiety.  Bonus is that he likes his peanut thing on the pram and 99% of the time he's happy in there looking about with big eyes and watching me whilst we wheel around and try to navigate ridiculously overstuffed shops full of crap.  I try to keep my happy face on so he doesn't get upset...  We usually only need to visit the parent room once or twice for feeding or changing, but generally he'll go to sleep better when we're out than if he's at home... no idea what that's about.  Obviously gets tired from checking everything out! It's amazing how he can sleep with all that bloody noise going on around him!

Our shopping ventures usually end with one of us in tears, any guesses who that is.  Give you a hint, it's not the Mushroom. I'm so over the whole shopping thing.  It's impossible to shop properly when you've got a pram as you can't carry everything and some items require a trolley.  I bought something for my Dad which had to be carried and I was trying navigate the pram, hold onto said gift and juggle the giant nappy bag and other bags of shopping also.  I've even ended up using the pram as a trolley and carrying the Mushroom but that always ends badly as the pram is even harder to steer whilst loaded up with crap... oh the joys!

The moral of this story is, I'm not going back to the shops with the Mushroom by myself.  Either the Juffin comes too or I leave the Mushroom at home with his Dad and venture out alone.  After several successful forays, I've only got 3 presents left to buy and I know exactly what I'm getting so whilst it should be an easy expedition, there is a certain maniacal edge to fellow shoppers as we get closer to Christmas and it's making me quite afraid.... The worst part of the whole sorry situation is that I can't drink a bottle of vodka on Christmas Day to make up for all the agonising shopping ventures.  Boo bloody hiss!

Mushroom - The Christmas Elf
Next time:  'Is he a good baby?'  Argghhhh!!!!

18 Dec 2012

4 hours

Have you ever used a breast pump?  Unless you're breastfeeding, or have breast fed, then I guess you haven't.  The thing about breast pumping is it's super weird.  Another thing about breast pumping is... it's super weird.

When you're pregnant everyone in the health industry will tell you that breastfeeding is a beautiful, wonderful, natural thing.... Breast is best, blah blah blah, whatever.  For some people, it's just not a reality.  Your milk might not come in, you may have inverted nipples which aren't conducive to breastfeeding, it might be extremely painful and you may decide it's not worth the agony.  Your baby could have a tongue tie, which means they won't be able to latch on properly, but good luck trying to figure out if your baby is tongue tied!    Professionals will tell you to persevere, even with cracked bleeding nipples but ultimately it's up to you, a personal choice that you make.  I was naive and just assumed that Mushroom and I could get the hang of it, just like the whole natural birth thing... ahem.  Turns out I'm super lucky and only had about two days of difficulty breastfeeding, the rest has been smooth sailing, hooray for me!

The sucky thing about breastfeeding is that you can't drink copious amounts of alcohol, which is all you want to do when your son is screaming down the house and won't go to sleep.  Enter the breast pump.  I've been blessed with amazing friends and one of my wonderful friends lent me her very expensive, top of the range, medela swing electric breast pump.  Apparently if breast pumps were celebrities, this one would be Ryan Gosling... so hot right now.  Basically you whack it on and away you go.  Except that it looks weird and because it's so weird looking, I can't stop watching it.  My nipple, getting sucked out like that, it's so bizarre....

I had my work Christmas party on Friday night, and despite having stored enough booby juice in the freezer to last several days, I decided to drive myself therefore limiting the amount of alcoholic beverages I could consume.  It was my first night away from my little Mushroom and the Juffin's first time alone with him.  If anything happened, I wanted to be able to drive home immediately.  Yes, yes, I'm well aware that nothing was going to happen, but you just never know.  I also couldn't bear the thought of being hungover and still having to get up and entertain my little man the next day.. This is how I know that I'm a Mum and a responsible adult now!

I spent just on 4 hours away from my son and guess what?!  Juffin was fine and the Mushroom was fine.  Apparently he carried on a little bit after I left (missing Mummy :-)) so Juffin wrapped him up in my nightie, heated up a bit of milk, nigh on 100mls and he nearly scoffed the whole thing down!  As a result of being extremely milk drunk he promptly passed out.  Hungry hole.  I spent most of the night looking at my phone and thinking about how the two of them were getting on... awww.

Juffin and the Mushroom 
  Next time:  Christmas Shopping....

12 Dec 2012

Bless

This morning I had my first, proper, heart melter.  Shit.  My maternal instinct's have obviously been on some sort of muscle relaxant or something.. it's only taken 7 bloody weeks to kick in!

Mushroom and I were playing on the bed in the air con after our stinker of a walk this morning.  We were both hot and sweaty, him from laying in the pram, me from striding it out.  He was being a fussy turd and I realised it was nap time (getting good at recognising those tired cues people!) so I decided to give him a feed so he could nod off like a happy little clam and I could have a damn shower.

Instead of settling down and eating like a civilised person, my boy kept kicking the bed head and punching my boob with his little clenched up fists, jumping off and on and yelling his displeasure at me to the tone of:

'Wah!'
Gulp
Gulp
Gulp
'WAH!'

All the while staring up at me with disapproval and Cranky McCrank eyes.  After the third time it happened,  I decided to get even.  The next time he pulled off before he could utter a sound, I 'WAH'ed at him first.  You should have seen the look on his face!  Talk about big eyes, absolutely hilarious!  I started to laugh at him, as I do quite often as he takes himself so bloody seriously, when the best thing happened.  My little man's stern face dissolved into the biggest smile and he actually cooed at me, it was almost a giggle!  He smiled at me for a whole minute, grinning and carrying on, then stuck himself back on the booby and drifted off to sleep. He was so happy in that moment that my little heart melted and I actually had tears spring to my eyes.

Moments like that seem to be what makes motherhood all worth it.  I thought there was something wrong with me as I was yet to experience one of those crazy tears springing to eyes bullshit, but it happened to me today.  Bless his little cotton socks if it wasn't too feckin hot to wear them!

Making it all worth it 
  Next time:  Pumping...

11 Dec 2012

Never

Before Mushroom the following sentences would never have passed my lips...  

"No, one drink's enough for me, thanks."

"It's ok darling, it's alright."  I mean who says darling?!

"Such a good boy, slept until 6 so we got a sleep in" 

"Does this shit look a little green to you?" 

"I'm just going to do some pumping" (not of the iron variety)

"I don't care if he wakes up for a night feed...."

"Do you think that the pineapple I ate is affecting my breast milk?"

"Who's a good boy, who's a good boy?!" After Mushroom does a giant turd.  

"I haven't had time to read anything lately." (Saddest one for sure!)

"I've got to go to the Willows Markets" 

"Thank you for making me porridge Juffin, yum."

"I can't have a coffee, I've already had one today."

"At least I got to have a shower this morning!"

"I got all the floors and the washing done today, so productive." 

"Go to Coles babe, the wipes are on special at Coles." 

"We managed to get a good walk in today, was awesome!" 

"No babe, please don't touch them, my nipples are too sore"

I think that last one may a have been a little TMI but it's true.  Who'd have thunk it?  

Grinny McGrinhole 

Next time:  Has sleep found us?  Will I ever get to do the Christmas shopping?  Could Christmas just be fucking cancelled this year?!  




7 Dec 2012

It's working... it's working... it's... OH SHIT!

We passed our 6 week milestone on Monday.  Hallelujah!  And to all those people who said it would get easier after 6 weeks, phooey to you.  Lies!

After our horror weeks of little sleep, my lil Mushroom was being such a trooper since we implemented the swaddle and the night time bath ritual.  He was even going into his hammock half asleep and settling himself.  I was stoked!  We were introducing a 'dream feed' at 10.30pm when I went to bed also to push his wake up time for a night feed to 2ish in an attempt to get him sleeping until 6 again, but that was a work in progress.  I was so confident, I was so happy, I was so rested... I was so STUPID!   

To recap: we hit the big 6 week mark on Monday, and we had our first vaccination on Tuesday.  Which could be why he's being such a grizzle guts.  Or a growth spurt.  Or both.  Whatever it is, snap out of it already!  You hit the big 6 weeks, you had a needle, it hurt, now suck it up Mushroom!  I thought I was going to bawl my eyes out when they stuck him too, but managed to keep it together and only shed one little tear.  I kept thinking if I lose it, then he'll be even worse.  They had a little room set aside so I whisked him away for a feed straight away and he settled right down immediately.  No reactions and he was calm and alert when we left.  We even visited the girls at work across the road!

All day Wednesday the Mushroom was smiling and happy, and I thought that we'd gotten away with zero grizzliness but alas, come Wednesday night my lil Mushroom turned into a monster again.  I have no clue what is going on.  For nearly a week there, we were doing fantastically.  Then boom, enter Mad Max, the maddest mushroom of them all.. honestly!  All this fussiness can't be from two little needles, 3 days later?!  Obviously I have no idea but he's only catnapping now, for an hour tops, and is grizzling or feeding the rest of the time....

We had our new parent class on Tuesday and they mentioned the importance of trying to get into a routine. Baby loves routine, get them into a regular feed, play, sleep pattern... try to do the same things around the same time every day.  Which is what Save our Sleep says, and all other damn baby books.  Yeah.  I get it.  Get into a fucking routine!  Unfortunately if you can't get your child to go down for a sleep when he's tired, standing there and sh sh patting for hours on end, then how the hell are you supposed to make a routine work?  I mean if it takes me 2 hours to get him down for his 1pm sleep, then am I supposed to then wake him at 4pm anyway?  Even though he's only been asleep for an hour?  I don't get it.  Me and another girl were the only one's who have terrible sleepers... unless the other 10 Mum's were lying.  Which, judging by their hair, skin and general alertness, is not likely.  I stupidly also advised that we were coming to the end of our sleeping issues.  What a moron.  

Last night I finally got him to sleep at quarter past 9.  2 hours after his bedtime.  He then slept until 2am.  Which was great, but then he wouldn't go back to sleep.  Finally fell asleep on top of me for about 45mins, went to move him into his hammock, bang.  Awake again.  That was at 4am.  No sleep again until well after 9.30 this morning... argh!  I even drove the Juffin to work in the hopes that Mushroom would pass out in the car like he normally does.  No such luck.  Juffin tentatively broached that maybe it's time the Mushroom moves into his own room but I think that's just a ploy by him to get more sleep as I'd be feeding the Mushroom in his room, not ours... so onto him.

So here we are.  He's been out to it for nearly 2 hours.  The longest stretch since his 5 hour sleep last night.  I was going to head out to the shops and get some Christmas shopping done but I don't want to take my chances on him as he's been so grumpy.  I can only hope he sleeps for another hour and wakes up cheerful, grizzle free and ready to conform!  I'm the damn boss and he's gotta do as I say dammit!

On a lighter note, we are getting many more smiles now.  So that definitely makes up for it!  Bit bizarre that he'll be mid grizzle and break out into a full-on gum smacking grin then scrunch up his face and continue grizzling.  Just makes me wanna call bullshit on the whole thing but that gets me nowhere... you can't call bullshit on a baby!  It has zero effect whatsoever!


"I am Mad Max!  The Maddest Mushroom of them all!"
I feel like I've talked this whole no sleep thing to death and I apologise.  It's hard to write about anything else as it's all consuming! I can only hope that week 7 will bring us some rest, some fun (I'm going to attempt to take the Mushroom swimming!) and FFS, let's pray to Ganesha that we finally get into that damn routine!


On a side note, I know there's a lot of media coverage re whether to vaccinate your kids or not and there seems to be so many reasons for and against.  Either way, there's no guarantee.  In the end I made the decision to vaccinate because I have been, my siblings, my partner, my friends, my parents, so on and so on, and we never had any adverse reactions.  I have also visited south east Asia where some of these diseases that we're vaccinating against are still a reality.  This, amongst other reasons, are why I chose to vaccinate.  It's a personal decision, one that I respect, and I made mine.  


3 Dec 2012

Success!

Well we did it.  We got some fucking sleep. Hallelujah!  I haven't been game to blog about it for fear of jinxing myself, but what the hell?  Can't be any worse than the last couple of weeks that we had.  This morning I even put the Mushroom down and he was semi awake and he just drifted off by himself.  Bloody brilliant!

Here's the part where I admit that I was stupid and should have listened to my mother. And my sister.  And numerous other people.  Swaddling was the key.  I had tried it previously but to no avail.  The screaming, grunting tantrum when I tried to swaddle him was enough to put anyone off.  In desperation, and exhaustion, on Thursday night I thought I'd try again.  Ok that's not exactly true.  I was bouncing a screaming Mushroom up and down, around and around, shhing and carrying on for over an hour and I decided to google how to calm an overtired baby... and what do you know?  Swaddling came up.  I thought there's no way, until I saw this you tube video and this one both using that miracle blanket thing and they stopped crying almost instantly.  Instantly people!  

Now I don't have a miracle blanket.  I do, however, have muslin, and I'm creative, and more importantly, I'm desperate, so I'll try to I do a homemade version of that.  I mean if it's that easy to make him stop crying then I'm in.  After some pretty ridiculous attempts, a screaming protestation and  20 minutes later, Mushroom admitted defeat.  Swaddled, he was a different Mushroom.  He was calm, warm and cuddly, and more importantly, not screaming.  I fed him all wrapped up tight then put him down to sleep, no hysterics, nothing.  Just quiet, deep sleep.  No shit.  I almost cried with relief.  I had a lovely, long, hot shower and got into bed and enjoyed over 5 wonderful hours of unbroken sleep. Little bloody champion.

Friday afternoon things went downhill but I also came to the realisation that my little man gets overtired very quickly and needs to be sleeping much, much more.  He was still catching up on all the hours he missed and was being decidedly unco-operative all afternoon.  I guess I just thought that if he was tired, he would go to sleep.. douche.  Baby's need to be settled to get to sleep and because he was so overtired, he wasn't settling, therefore he wasn't sleeping.  I just had to get him to calm down enough to get some good slepep and then be a better Mummy at making him go to sleep more often!

Unfortunately we had Juffin's work Christmas BBQ on Friday night so not great timing but you have to do these things.  We ventured out hoping that someone would fall asleep in the car... denied.  We then tried rocking, wrapping, and pushing in the pram.  Again denied.  I mean he wasn't a holy terror, just grizzly crying and general discontentedness, not screaming the house down unhappiness.  The Mushroom just didn't want to be put down in his pram, he just wanted heaps of cuddles, whilst nearly yawning his face off and continuing to fight sleep.  In the end I sat in the car breastfeeding for most of the evening which was tremendous fun.

After that, I decided that I was going to try to get into some sort of a routine and make sure that he was getting lots of good sleep, because at that time, he obviously wasn't!  Unfortunately that meant that rest of our social plans for the weekend went out the window but for our sanity, and Mushroom's wellbeing, it had to done!  We have now established a bedtime routine, play, bath, songs and cuddles, feed, sleep.  And it's working!  The Mushroom is drifting off to sleep alone and settling himself and, the best part, is going straight back to sleep after his 1.30am feed!!!  I'm so happy I could die.  Seriously.

All of you cross your fingers and toes for us that the good sleeping continues!

Mushroom Burrito anyone?!  

Next time:  Poo, poo, and more bloody poo!