28 Mar 2013


I'm living with Superman.

No really.

Not because he's helpful and fun and lovely and a good cook and all that stuff.  Which he most definitely is.  But because he can lift really heavy things.  Like our bed.  Which I tried to move this morning and ended up hurting my arms and landing on my butt on the floor.

See. It's huge. And very, very heavy.

And yes, I'm aware that our bed is not made, I'm one of 'those' people.  I generally pull the doona up and that's my version of making the bed.  SuperJuffin doesn't seem to mind.

The doona hasn't been pulled up today because I was cleaning our room and packing away Mushroom's hammock so we can put the bed back where it was. I thought I could do this alone and be really productive and housewifey so it was all sorted when the Juffin got home from work today.  Alas.  Not to be.  I couldn't even move it a centimetre, let alone the many centimetres it would need to be moved to get it back to it's pre-Mushroom position.

How did the Juffin do it?  He's strong but I really had no idea.  I'm now in awe of him and his giant muscles.  That are hiding under his pasty white skin.

My plan to return bedroom to pre baby days has been thwarted by the heaviest bed in the world.  Ugh.  I guess I'll go do some washing or something.  (Read sit on my ass and watch Modern Family.)

27 Mar 2013


Motherhood makes it hard to get time to yourself.  Actually you don't get time to yourself to relax.  Like ever.  There's always something to be done or people that need you.  So you have to try and come up with things to do so you can get five minutes to yourself.  If I still smoked, I'd hide behind the shed where no-one could see me and puff my little heart out but obviously I don't smoke any more and it wouldn't do any good hiding behind the shed as the smoke would be a dead giveaway.  I could just hide behind the shed.  That would work.

I try to have a shower every evening while Juffin is doing bath time and wind down time before Mushroom's bedtime.  I light some candles in the en suite and shut the door, and turn on the water.  I peel off my baby spew stinky clothes and breathe a sigh of relief as I ease myself under the shower head.. ahh this is bliss, relaxation, peace and quiet, ahhhhhhh..... then the door opens and the fluoro comes on and there's Juffin and Mushroom grinning at me from the other side of the shower screen. "Look there's Mum.  What's Mum doing?"

It's hard to get mad at them because they're both so cute, but seriously?  Can I not have a f-ing shower in peace?!  Ever mindful of little ears, I do my darndest to limit the swearing, smile winningly and tell them both to get out.  Immediately.  What part of five minutes alone do these men not understand?  I just wanna wash my vjj in peace!

Since having a baby I don't actually think I've been alone. At all.  And I love being alone.  I love reading and laying around watching terrible tv shows (Teen Wolf anyone?).  I love listening to my music and singing, I love doing my toenails with no distractions.  I love it.  Unfortunately as part and parcel of being a parent, those days are most definitely over.  It's just taking some time to adjust.  I'm not sure I ever will.  

So the other day, in an attempt to get some time alone I decided to mow the lawn.  What better way to get away from my boyfriend and my Mushroom?  Lawn mowing is a solitary activity.  It's also not baby friendly nor is it fun.  But it's solitary.  And it's necessary.  And I can put my head phone's in and walk up and down with a purpose.  The key word here is solitary.

It's come to this.  Lawn mowing.

It was the only thing that I could think of where they wouldn't follow me.  But I had to walk up and down in the blazing hot sun with a lawnmower to get away from them.  Not exactly relaxing.

I kept mowing until I ran out of fuel.  At least I was by myself and I was doing some exercise.  Right?

And before anyone says anything about tiny yards and mowing etc, this is my yard.  And yes the grass at the back was that long.  And yes, I mowed it and the front yard.  I am woman, hear me roar.

The Back Yard 


My Mushroom gets distracted by the stupidest things.  Observe.



I had to put him down and tuck away the distraction so he would feed properly.  Exhausting.

(And yes, for the smart arses out there, there are disposable nappies on the bottom shelf of the change table.  They were given to me when Mushroom was born.  We have used about 5 in total. So there.)

25 Mar 2013


I feel so much better about parenting and my crappy no-sleeping baby after devouring the articles on this site:
http://www.troublesometots.com/ (Thanks to the lady on babycenter who recommended it!)

You're all familiar with my Mushroom's sleep issues.  Well it looks like we were going through a bit of a sleep regression, which then turned into habitual waking.  Which is bad. We went from sleeping through the night and starting to self settle during day naps to waking 2 hourly at night and feeding to sleep again during the day.  Backwards.  And it's ok to do these things for a week or two but six weeks, longer?!  I can't even remember how long it's been going on but it was definitely time for a change.

So we started with own room.  Success on the first night, slept through.  Then there was two wakings last night, and tonight the little turd just woke an hour and half after putting down.  I'm not comfortable with not feeding at night at all so I managed to feed once last night and rock back to sleep the next waking.  I was feeling pretty proud of us actually.

Tonight I rocked back to sleep after sending the Juffin in there to see if he could settle him but he's a bit crap at it and the crying just escalated.  I managed it in under 10 minutes of rocking, shh-ing and butt patting.  And not in a creepy butt patting way.  Babies like butt patting, trust me.

My problem is this, if I now start with the rocking does that just replace the feeding?  And then how do you graduate from rocking?  And over what period of time do you start to reduce the rocking and start putting him down semi awake?!  I'm not comfortable with lots of crying as I think he's still too little for that so it's a pretty long endeavour at the moment. The whole process is exhausting for me and the Mushroom...  but I'm trying to be strong and firm and consistent!  Perseverance and must remember that I'm the boss not little dude who's only been on planet for 5 months!!

Hard to be tough when he's got a face like this!

24 Mar 2013


Last night the Mushroom slept in his own room.

Egads, you say!  He's five months and he was still sleeping in our room?!

I have my reasons, and none of them are what you think.  Here they are:

  • It's hot here.  Like stinking.  So we have airconditioning.  Airconditioning is expensive.  If the Mushroom stayed in our room, only one airconditioner is running.  Not so expensive.  
  • The Mushroom sleeps in a hammock.  That was a present from my MIL after the cot was purchased and assembled.  The hammock stand is huge.  If we put the Mushroom into his own room earlier we would have had to put him straight in his cot, or take the cot down and use the hammock.  As a crappy sleeper I didn't want to put him into the cot until he was a bit older.  And couldn't be bothered disassembling cot only to have to put back up in a month or two. I'm lazy.
  • Breastfeeding through the night can be exhausting if you have to run back and forth between rooms.  More recently I have fallen asleep with the Mushroom on my lap whilst breastfeeding in bed.  Everybody does it so you can understand why running back and forth between rooms would make things harder.  You have to wake up properly to walk.  See my previous point, I'm lazy.
  • Night wakings were increasing so thought even less of a reason to put Mushroom into his own room.  Have been toying with the idea that perhaps it was BECAUSE he was in our room that he was waking.  I guess time will tell! 
  • Rolling over in the hammock is not particularly safe, which he only started to do this week.  
Then came all the usual stuff, can't hear him properly, can't see him, cot so big, rolling around all over cot yada yada yada.  

Last night we went out to a family BBQ. The Mushroom was doing his usual, I'm not sleeping after 3pm thing so he'd been up for 4 hours before we even got there.  The car ride was abysmal, screaming his nut off, that's what happens when you won't sleep mister!  As per usual he is smiling and happy as larry with all and sundry at the BBQ but starts to meltdown about half hour after arrival.  After some desperate breastfeeding, rocking, and shhing etc Juffin gets the pram out of the car and takes him for a few strolls up and down the street.  Success.  What a wonderful Daddy!

Despite all the talking, lights and noise, the Mushroom sleeps for most of the evening out with only a couple of little wakings but not much fuss.  I'm very proud of him but exhausted after many nights of waking up 3 or 4 times so tell the Juffin to get a wriggle on.  It's after 10 pm and someone offers me a jelly shot.  It's hard to say no. 

We manage to get home and I take the sleeping Mushroom to his room to try to change his nappy and put on a sleepy suit quietly but we have a MEGA scream fest.  Poor thing must have gotten a fright when I put him down on the change table as it's not soft and warm like his pram or car seat, so sensitive!  Juffin and I tag team and get a fresh nappy and a sleepy suit on in less than 2 minutes.  World record effort!  

I zip him into his sleeping bag and whip the boob out to top him up before bed then when he's settled and drowsy I gingerly lower him into the cot.  I have T-Rex arms so this is harder than you realise.  I have tried to make it as much like his hammock as possible.  We have put his sheepskin in there (yes I'm aware of the SIDS risk but he loves it and is very strong with his head and neck control) and his blanky.  I put a blockout blind on the window it's nice and dark and cozy.  I may have gone a little overboard but it must be hard to sleep in a cot after the constant motion of the hammock so I'm making sure it's as easy as possible and crossing everything that he sleeps ok!  He stirs a little bit when I put him down but he just sighs and is totally out to it. 

Here's where things get really cheesy.... I stood at the door for about 2 minutes just looking at him in his big cot and I started crying.  LAME!  Tears came out of my eyes because my Mushroom was in his own bed in his own room.  I then went and got my phone to take a photo.  SUPER LAME!  Over the course of the night I got up no less than 4 TIMES to check on him and stand at the door.  LAMEST!  I am one of those ridiculous mother's!  

After all that carry on the Mushroom sleeps until 6.45am.  The longest sleep we've had from him in weeks.  I can't believe it.  And instead of enjoying it, I've tossed and turned all night worrying about him!  Fingers crossed that he sleeps ok tonight and that I can actually relax enough to catch up on sleep as well!     

20 Mar 2013

Thank you

After a tough month culminating in me crying myself to sleep last night, I just needed some company and some laughs. As per my previous post, I'm not going to go into it as I'm trying to look on the bright side, but needless to say I was a bit of a mess.

I just wanted to use this post to say some thank you's.

Thank you to my sister, for lending an ear last night when I was a mess.  Thank you my spiritual sista for your patience, your wisdom, your kindness and your humour.  I miss you and wish you were.  

Thank you to my lovely friends, I won't name names, but you know who you are.  All Mummy's and all taking time to listen to me vent today. Thank you for the company, the advice, the laughs and the coffee's.   It was just what I needed.

Thanks to all the women on the babycenter forums who have proven to be a wealth of information,  and provide commiseration and useful advice and tips.  Invaluable.  I feel like we're all friends even though we're scattered across the country.  (side thank you to the internet for making that possible!)

And finally, I'd also like to thank my own Mum.  You are strong, smart, beautiful and wise.  Now that I'm a mother, I have a profound sense of appreciation for everything that you have done for me.  You are amazing.  I love you.  

I don't know where I'd be without these wonderful women in my life and thank goodness they are.  Because of them I can dust myself off and get back in the ring with a smile on my face.

Tomorrow is another day!

Mushroom Muffin.  21 weeks.  


19 Mar 2013


I haven't blogged of late as

a) I'm trying to be more positive


b) I'm trying to be more positive.

End of reasons.

We have had a horror week with increased night wakings, irrational crying, illness in the form of a cold which struck each of us equally.   Of course poor Juffin was suffering way more than myself and Mushroom.  Dying etc.


He managed to go to work as the alternative was staying home with me and the crankiest Mushroom on the planet.  I know.  I would have gone to work too.

So here's to the power of positivity.

Cranky sicky Mushroom
God help me.

7 Mar 2013


This teething business is really getting to me and I'm wondering where my happy little boy went.  I'm just grateful that he can't talk yet as I'm pretty sure he would be telling me to get f'ed and f off at every opportunity.  The poor little sod is so damn miserable and it's just making me feel cranky as well!  Today I had the worst headache, only exacerbated by a whining Mushroom who wouldn't feed, wouldn't sleep and wouldn't

Today I visited my regular baby mama forum and I noticed that a woman had put up that she wasn't coping 2 days into being a first time Mum.  Traumatic birth experience, baby won't stop crying, no sleep, can't eat anything, partner not very helpful, you know, the usual.  Whilst everyone was posting positive wonderful fuzzy things, like 'oh those newborn cuddles all make up for it' or 'don't worry, it gets easier' I just wanted to post the following: 'Yep, it's shit, and it probably will be shit for a really long time.  So get used to feeling like shit.' I didn't.  Poor dear will figure it out soon enough.

People tell you it's shit, you just don't believe them.  I mean, how could you possibly know until you've experienced it?  And why else would we keep reproducing?!  Definition of stupidity or what?  Of course, those cuddles do make up for it, everything is worth that feeling of wonder and joy when you look at your beautiful creation.  But at the time, like 2.37am after 40 mins of sleep, it doesn't really feel like it's worth it at all.  Especially if the pregnancy was awful, the birth even worse, and you're baby blues is well under way!

I think women put too much pressure on themselves to be awesome.  An awesome mother, homemaker, colleague, friend, lover.  To be perfectly honest, I'm a shite friend, a crap homemaker (though Juffin is still getting baked goods every now and then so he's happy!), a bad colleague as haven't seen workmates in forever, and don't even go there with the whole lover thing.

Can you see the streak of grey?!
I'm definitely not a 50s housewife.  My house regularly looks like a bomb hit it, which the Juffin then cleans up when he gets home from work.  Poor man.  I'm flat out getting the nappies washed and folded every day but have no idea what I do in my 'downtime' as it's definitely not housework!  I miss appointments, forget what day it is, and think it's a successful day if I manage to have a shower, brush my teeth and get a load of washing done.  I'm winning if I remember to get some meat out of the freezer for dinner.  I have no idea what is going on in the world which BC (before child) would have meant ridicule from my former self.  As for vacuuming, what's that?   

My hair is falling out at an alarming rate, but not the grey's, they're just multiplying.  My skin is greasy and has started breaking out again and I look like a hippopotamus from behind.

Some days I wish I could walk out the door and just keep walking.

But I don't, because before everyone gets all high and mighty, I love my Mushroom, and I love my Juffin, and I love my life.

But some days it's just hard and that's just life, innit it?


6 Mar 2013

Self Settle

My amazing little Mushroom is now able to go to sleep all by himself!

I didn't do anything, just needed to go to the toilet and he wasn't drifting off so put him down and when I got back, FAST ASLEEP!

More proof you say?  The other day we were at the shops and I was having lunch with a friend.  Mushroom just closes his eyes and GOES TO SLEEP!  We weren't even moving!

A girlfriend came over for coffee on Monday, Mushroom is whiny and starts rubbing his eyes.  Pop him in his hammock, and off he goes to Neverneverland.

I've even heard him wake up, obviously not ready to get up, have a little chat, stick the thumb or fingers in and he nods off again.  Amazing.

This 'going to sleep on my own' business has been going on for a couple of weeks now and whilst we don't have success every time, it's definitely getting easier.  We are also regularly getting a long sleep of 1.5hrs + every day now, which is huge after serial catnapping for as long as I can remember.  I feel like a super Mum who can achieve anything!

It's a small victory in a month of bad starts so I'm taking it.  I'm also starting to feel a little redundant.  My boy will continue to need me less and less from now on... sob.

Sleeping like a baby.  Literally.  

4 Mar 2013


Who would have thought that teeth could cause so much damn trouble?  If that's what is actually causing the trouble.  Because I wouldn't know.  It's not like the Mushroom can tell me why he's had a bee up his butt for the last 3 weeks!

Here's some evidence that could indicate teeth are imminent:

Excessive drool


Chomping on cold flannel  
I don't have a picture of the fingers in mouth, constant whining, crying, ear rubbing, fussiness and night waking that's been going on also.  I think it's pretty clear that some pearly whites are on the move.

For the sake of my sanity, please say a prayer to whichever deity you worship.  Just let this crap be over!