28 Jan 2018

Week Four

This week saw me lose my shit over the neverending washing and go off at the kids about their constant food wastage and mess.

I can't help myself, I get stupidly angry and yell.  Alot.  I'm a bit of an arsehole if I'm honest, but fark!  I repeat myself over and over again and literally nobody listens to a damn word I say. 

I have tried being calm.  I have tried to keep my shit together.  I have tried speaking at an acceptable volume and asking nicely.  Nothing seems to work.

I use cloth nappies, this is not news to anyone, and I don't love washing and I use them anyway.  But doing washing sucks balls and for some reason I am the only person who does the goddamn washing.  Who decided I did all the washing?  I don't remember having a team meeting?  I don't remember being nominated!  I don't remember the part where Juffin said, hey babe, you do the washing and I'll mop the floors.  I wanna mop the fucking floors!  (Incidentally we did the floors twice this week which I'll talk about later but you get my drift). 

I've even considered going on a washing strike and only washing my own clothes but I still have to do the kids.  I mean I tried to get Mushroom to hang clothes out but he's just too short.  He can't actually reach.  So it's pretty redundant if I'm washing 3/4 of the clothes and leaving that one's out.  Vindictive much?  

We've had fights about it.  And he does heaps around the house.  He very rarely does the washing unless I command it.  And it shits me. I don't know what the solution is but Juffin if you're reading this, hang the washing out/bring the washing in/fold the fucking washing!!  

We have tiles.  Which is great.  And shit.  At the same time. 

The kids have snacks in the lounge room all the time.  The joys of open plan living right?  FARK!  There is food all over the place, ALL THE TIME. 

I have tried to enforce an eat at the table only policy and it just falls the fuck down.  I cannot maintain it. And it's futile anyway with an almost 2 year old waving her hands about and showering food in a 5 metre radius around her.  I mean she's practically in the lounge room anyway!  

I had the week off work whilst Mushrooms settled into school.  On Wednesday I did the floors, vacuumed and mopped, did under the couches, put all the toys away.   Putting the damn toys away and picking up all the food scraps literally takes 45 minutes.  

4 5 M I N U T E S!!!

WTF?!  

There was an apple core under the TV table that wasn't there last week when I did the floors and it was nearly unrecognisable. 

You guys think I'm gross now don't you? 

Whatever.  Judge away. 

So on Saturday morning, Juffin decides to do the floors again.  

My kids were at school and daycare on Thursday, they have literally been home on Thursday afternoon and Friday and the floors were an abomination.  Usually we can get away with doing a sweep out but they needed to be vacuumed and mopped ALL OVER AGAIN. 

I tried not to get upset and take it personally that I had done them only days before and he was doing them again but when he started pushing the couches out of the way and tsking I had to leave the living area.  

Like do some washing dingus! Fold some clothes!  Mow the lawns!  Don't tsk at my apparent half arsed attempt to do the floors.  I felt like I shouldn't have even bothered on Wednesday! 

Yesterday they decided to raid the leftover pizza in the fridge and eat that at 7am.  I don't know how many pieces they ate, but there was pizza all over the damn house. 

At 8 they were complaining about being hungry so I offered to make porridge. 

Me: Does anyone want porridge? 
Kids: Yes.  Yes!  YES!!
Me:  Will you eat porridge? 
Kids: Yes Mum!  Yes! 
Me: Are you sure you want porridge? 
Kids: Yes! 
Me:  I'm not making porridge if no-one eats it.  I'm serious. You have to eat it.
Kids:  Yes we want porridge.  We'll eat it.  We promise Mum. PORRIDGE!  PORRIDGE!  PORRIDGE! 

Can you guess what happened?  Can you?

NO-ONE AT THE BLOODY PORRIDGE.  THE PORRIDGE SAT IN BOWLS TILL THE PORRIDGE WENT HARD AND COLD.

Juffin threw the porridge out after it sat there uneaten in their bowls for over an hour and then Molly said

MUM!  WHERE MY PORRIDGE GONE?

ARGH!  

I'm back to work tomorrow so I'm now going to prepare the lunches and pack the bags etc so I'm not up at 10 tonight doing it. Being organised just makes life easier but I don't like it.  I think I spend hours each week baking, packing lunch boxes and washing up tiny reusable containers.  

Mum life is awesome. 

Laying on the floor after cleaning them


PS Adulting!  We went out, had burgers and saw a band!  Like pre-children days!  It was a great night with friends, and Philadelphia Grand Jury and Art Vs Science were awesome.  The kids slept over at their grandparents house and Juffin and I slept in till 9.30!! AMAZING!

PPS Yes.  I just used excessive exclamation points but that shit rarely happens.  It was totally amazing.     

26 Jan 2018

Mushroom's First Day of School

Mushroom has finally started school.  We have concluded our first week and I think I'm more anxious now about the coming weeks than I was this time last week!

Mushroom has not been excited about school. He hasn't liked shopping for shoes, or bags, or uniforms.  He has not been looking forward to school at all.  I don't know why.  I'm not sure if we didn't talk it up enough or if we talked about it too much.  He just wasn't keen.  He especially didn't like the idea of going every day.

Every day Mum?!  Every single day!

I reassured him it was only Monday to Friday but when you only go to kindy 2 days a week and spend the other days with your grandmother and your Mum, it's kind of a shock.  And kids have no concept of time.  Only it feels super long... poor bastard doesn't realise he has 13 years of school ahead of him!

Monday started like usual.  I mean at least school doesn't start until 8.40am.  There was a bit of 'I  don't wanna go to big school' nonsense but he soon got over it when he realised that I'd made pancakes for breakfast.

That is an M shaped pancake.. best Mum ever!

He wolfed those down and then Juffin helped him get dressed whilst I finished getting the girl ready for daycare.  When he walked out in his little uniform, with the shoes and the socks, I had to quickly stuff some tissues in my pocket.


We decided to drop Molly off first so we didn't have to worry about her running amok, and on the drive there, she wouldn't stop asking where her brother was.  I mean honestly, do they both make me want to cry?

We set off for school when I got home.  Lots of worried little faces outside the classroom. Lots of anxious big faces too.  I kept my sunglasses on because I'm the biggest sook out.




We got inside and spent 10 minutes sorting out all the booklist stuff and ticking things off sheets etc.  There were activities set up on different tables, drawing, colouring, construction, blocks.  Mushroom picked these click and go sticks and he and Juffin spent a bit of time engineering a masterpiece and then we left...



We had a few cuddles, he chased after us a few times but he settled down well and there were no tears.  Of course as soon as we were outside the classroom I started sobbing and I kept it up for most of the walk through the school and then back home.  Juffin laughed at me but he held my hand all the way home.

I didn't think I would be this emotional about him starting school. I'm generally not phased with this sort of thing but something about this made me especially sad.  Probably because I know he'll be different now.  He'll change and grow and learn of course, but he'll also be challenged and hurt and scared at times and if he doesn't tell me about it, then I won't know.  I think that's what I'm most afraid of.  I don't want him to stop talking to me.  Insert sad face emoji here.

Survival kit from the teachers
I was fine once we got home.  Juffin went off to work and I lay on the couch watching crappy TV and staring at the unfolded washing.  I thought I'd have plenty of time to get stuff done but 2.45 rolled around so quickly and it was time for school pick up before I knew it.  I guess 5.5 hours isn't that long after all.

He was excited to see me, and full of news as per our following convo:

Jess: How did you like school?
M: It was good.
Jess: Was it fun?
M: Yeah.
Jess:What did you do?
M: I don't know....
Jess:  Did you make any friends?  Who did you play with?
M:  I don't know...
Jess: ?!*%#!

Guess who googled questions to ask their kids about school after this?

Main thing was he said he had fun, he didn't hate it, he didn't cry, he wasn't super psyched to go back the next day but I didn't have to drag him.  I know that that stage will come eventually!  I took him for a gelato to celebrate.  Starting school is kinda a big deal.  He was a bit stoked.


On Tuesday his teacher told me that he's distracted and needs to put his listening ears on and that he hit someone else with his lunchbox so I guess the good start couldn't last forever.  I was a bit horrified, but she said that he was absolutely fine, they're all adjusting, they're only 5... heaven help me. The first of, what I'm guessing will be, many teacher chats... hooray!

Unfortunately I have realised that I'll be paying even more for care for my bloody kids now that Mushroom is at school and I've lost my free babysitter as my MIL is moving away.  I now have to factor in before and after school care and an extra day of daycare for Molly, and to do the same hours on the same days means I will be starting at 9am and not finishing until 5.30pm.  Finishing so late is giving me major anxiety.  I mean I know people do it, and do it everyday of the week, but I like the balance that my part-time hours brings and if I'm not finishing until 5.30, I'm barely having the time to get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour, let alone have some play time with the kids.  Molly's in bed by 7.15 FFS!

I don't know what the solution is, but next week will be a massive adjustment so we'll see what happens...

I have a kid in school now.  How did that even happen?!

22 Jan 2018

Week Three

What a hectic seven days the last week was!

Highlights include: the booklist stuff finally showing up, Molly moving into her big girl bed, hitting the 10kg weightloss mark, realising that I cannot contact books for shit and Mushroom starting school! 

Hitting a weightloss milestone is pretty great but you need something to treat yourself with, unfortunately, my idea of a treat is generally deep fried or covered in chocolate... or both.  So I decided to book in and get my waxing done.

Now that might not sound like a treat to most, but, seriously, when you're a time poor Mum who hates shaving, it's like heaven to go in and have all the hair on your legs, underarms and bikini ripped out with hot wax.  I think if I'd stepped on the scales that afternoon, my weightloss would actually have been 15kg not 10.... hairy as a mofo.  And lazy as shit. But my eyebrows look fabulous.  Honestly.  I love them.  My best feature at present.

Sadly, I'm losing yet another waxologist in 3 years as my girl is moving on to bigger and better things.  I'm trying not to be bitter about it, but shit it sucks having to find a new girl. I think laser is the way forward.  Can anyone advise?  I need feedback people.

After spending close to $600 on school shit we are pretty fucking poor at present so I'm making an concerted effort to reign in the unnecessary spending.  I wish I could just blame Juffin but I'm pretty sure I'm the weakest link.  That or we both suck.  I feel like someone else just needs to take us in hand but we're too old to be living like this and someone needs to grow up and take responsibility.  I just don't want to be that person.  Anyway, I'm going to start baking again and Juffin is offering weekend car servicing so if you know of anyone who needs either of those things, just send them our way!

Proud as!
Molly has been in her big girl bed for two nights now and so far so good.  She's still coming in for a big chinwag at 2am but goes back to bed without issue so we're just trying to focus on that.  My MIL bought all the linen and whilst I appreciate the thought, I really wanted to do my own thing.. parents.  Of course, being so broke means that I haven't bought anything so it really is a blessing but far out.  It's bloody mint and pink.  Mint I can handle, the pink, not so much.  I wish it didn't bug me so much.  Fingers crossed for continued big girl bed success! 

I've been out and about the last few Saturday nights and I've been so well behaved.  I love drinking, like, I love getting boozed up, but I'm an obnoxious drunk person, and I don't have much self control, so Jess on the booze usually makes for a messy night.  Slowly, over the last few years, I've started to curb that shit.  I'll still have a few drinks, but then I'll stop.  Like a responsible adult person.  I drink water.  I drink the same thing all night.  I get home before midnight.  Last Saturday I had two beers and drove. 

I'm wearing my $3 Big W tank
I mean don't get me wrong, I have been shitfaced a few times in that time frame, and I will absolutely get shitfaced again, but I'm trying not to be like I was before.  Before I was a parent, it was a regular occurrence.  I don't know if I had a problem with it, probably, but I feel like it's not an issue anymore.  I don't wake up feeling bad about myself and worrying about what stupid awful thing I said to people I love.  That, and, I don't need the extra expense or the calories!  What a waste! 

Well that was a bit real!  Whoa!  Tangent!

The point was, that I committed to doing the hill every Sunday morning and I've made 4 out of 4.  Despite some late Saturday nights, and, I'm pretty proud of myself.  Special thanks go to my hill buddies Champ and Rem for dragging themselves out of bed stupidly early to do it with me.  I honestly wouldn't go if I knew someone wasn't waiting there for me! 

AND my big boy started school finally!  There was a bit of talk last night about not wanting to go, having to go five whole days, all the big kids blah blah blah and then again this morning but we made it.  I will do a separate blog about it later in the week after he's been there a few days as I feel that I need to devote a whole post to our experience.  Molly definitely missed her bro on the drive to kindy this morning and kept asking where he was.  Tomorrow will be interesting when he's not around and it's just me and my girl... it's never been just us before! 

He is actually gorgeous :-)

Hope all your little ones had a good first day at school.  It'll be Christmas again before we know it... 




15 Jan 2018

Week Two

I spent the last week frantically worrying about my big boy going to school and trying to get my shit together and order everything.

We got the booklist online but it still hasn't arrived.  I'm now confused as to where it ends up.  Do I have to pick it up from the school?  Will it get delivered to my house?  Is there some sort of pick up location?  I paid $13.95 for shipping FFS.  I got an email saying my order was being processed but that is literally it.  For nearly 3 weeks now we've heard nothing.  This school shit is stressing me out!

I went to the School Locker shop at Domain and after walking around for 5 minutes the helpful gentleman informed me that they don't stock his school's uniforms.

Of course you don't.

I went to get shoes and because it's a week before school the lovely sales attendant basically told me that there's fuck all shoes left in his size.

Of course there isn't.

He ended up getting some fabulous shoes because he's fabulous and fuck her, but seriously, he has Nike's and he's 5. Who even am I?

My amazing friend Tarra tagged me in a school uniform shop on facey so Juffin took the little one there and we finally got some shirts.

In a size 4 because the size 6s are sold out.

Of course they are.

I am over this school shit and it hasn't even begun.  He's going to a fucking public school for crying out loud and I think we've forked out nearly $500 already and there's still more to buy!  He needs a reader bag, a library bag, a house shirt, a hat... I need another job.  Or a rich husband.

To alleviate stress I've been exercising my fat arse off and posting sweaty selfies on instagram so I can get the love and encouragement that I deserve.

I took comparison pics of myself and literally cannot tell the difference despite having to go down a size in my work skirts.... I look exactly the same in each pic despite being months apart but as if I'm going to share them here!  Ain't nobody needing to see that!

Seriously though, it's hard work not succumbing to temptation and eating all the foods but I think my head is in the right space for once.  When you're as big as I am, the road is long and it seems pointless but hopefully I'm making long lasting, positive changes.  And setting a good example for my kids.  Here's to a healthier me in 2018!

I don't want to jinx myself and talk about Molly's sleeping here so I won't.

I've probably fucked it now.

I caught up with one of my nearest and dearest, kept up with the washing, cleaned out my makeup AND washed all the brushes, and ate some pretty fantastic pineapple.

My kids are healthy, work is good, Juffin seems happy.. what more do you need?

Always feasting - will miss our Tuesday's at the park :-(


7 Jan 2018

Week One

The first full week of 2018 is over!  FAR OUT!  I have no idea what I do with my time (psych avoid washing and watch Veronica Mars) however, it is literally flying by!  My Mushroom starts school in two short weeks!  TWO!  How is that even possible?  I'm nowhere near prepared.  Shocker to no-one I'm sure.  Hopefully we manage to pull it off.. we usually do.. haha!

Molly is a menace.  Unlike her brother, she likes getting into shit and wreaking havoc.  Just yesterday she drew all over our sheets with marker and chocolate muffin'ed Mushroom's bed.

I have no idea where she got the muffin from, probably stashed from the day before, and whilst it was sheet washing day, I hate being forced to do it.



She has also started raiding the freezer (upside down fridge) for ice and leaving the fucking door open.

Misbehaving is funny.  She likes seeing my angry red face bearing down on her as I try not to use words that you shouldn't in front of small children.

Because then they use them too.. eg 'For fuck's sake Molly' which I overheard her big brother say in his room on Thursday when they were playing Lego.

Yep.

I'm an awesome parent.

I will try and be consistent and trudge on.  She's not even two yet and already giving us heaps so I think we're basically screwed.  Is there such a thing as terrible pre-two's?  We're so there.

And before any of you start, I was a wonderful child.  It's not even karma.

I was gifted a beautiful timber King Single bed for Mushroom so we had a bit of a clean out and I sold his old bed.  What a shit show. Just a gentle reminder on courtesy and manners, if you have NO intention of collecting item on pre-arranged day/date/time, then kindly refrain from FUCKING POSTING THAT YOU WILL!!  Jesus Christ!  I waited all day on Thursday for this dumb moll to come and collect this bed, which she had prearranged only hours after I posted the damn ad, only to be blown off 35 minutes before.

My kids like going out.  We like going to the park.  Morning's are the best time for this due to us living in hell, I mean a tropical paradise.  I understand that life happens but I feel like in this particular instance she had no intention of coming to get the damn bed.  So don't be a dick and actually show up. Or don't comment at all.

Totally sold the bed on gumtree within 12 hours of posting and they picked it up straight away. Facebook sucks.
Smiling because it was 7am and they'd already destroyed the house 

I had my pre-mirena consult and apparently my vjayjay is good to go.  Yew!!  She said some things about dilation and cervical something or rather and risks, perforation, blah blah blah.  I mean, I did listen, but I've been through so much shit in the past five years that I'm literally like, if it's shit, we'll just take it out.  So it's happening!  We're doing this thing!  Fingers crossed for no drama.  I love the drama but, really, do not need more health dramas. Bring on February!

Now I was going to talk about how I tried to use the cheapie menstrual cup and it went horribly wrong but I think I'll save that for it's own special post so people can choose whether to read that one or not...

Also, no big deal, but I've been up Castle Hill two weeks in a row.

I haven't done anything else and comfort ate due to period all week but I've done that.

I'm taking it.

Next week I will try and get my shit together and get school ready. Unfortunately the school uniform shop isn't open until the 18th so we'll have to wait until then but we can get shoes at least.  A new bag, lunchbox, drink bottle.. I need to sell some more shit. 

My baby boy is no longer a baby.

My heart hurts.


1 Jan 2018

Happy New Year!

I wish I could say that I spent my first day of 2018 productively, but that would be a big, fat lie.  I spent my day rolling around in bed, watching Veronica Mars, which I've seen in it's entirety about 4 times already, and eating things I shouldn't.

I woke up with a bad headache. And not from drinking too much alcohol last night.  I wish.  I think my period is on its way, yay... not.  No, we took the kids to see the family fireworks at Riverway, and, I don't know why, but this morning I woke up feeling a bit shite and sorry for myself so I left the boys to it, after putting Molly down for a nap and I retreated to the AC cave that is my bedroom.

At some stage this afternoon I felt guilty and thought we probably should have organised something to do today, something fun, like take a day trip somewhere, but it was too late, and I feel shithouse about it.  So I took the kids for a big long swim and threw Mushroom around the pool a bit.  Don't get me wrong, he had fun with his Dad today, they built lego, watched movies, created things, I just feel like we should have organised something.  It's the first day of 2018 after all, and he starts school soon....  I don't feel like I'm winning any parenting awards.

2017 has been our toughest year yet.  Mushroom has been especially challenging.  His behaviour has gotten pretty shocking.  Hitting, yelling, hurting his sister, disobedience and defiance.  I'm not sure what to do to be honest.  I'm trying to be consistent, not lose my temper.  It's hard.  Last night, he just went mental.  He was running around crazy, throwing stuff in the air, pushing his sister over.  It was like he'd never been outside before.  We had to threaten to leave a few times and Juffin had to use his Dad voice.   It was only when they announced that the fireworks were starting, did he sit down.  And my goodness!  He was so mesmerised and full of joy, that I started to cry. How can you be so challenging?  And frustrating and defiant and then be so lovely and sweet!  He was snuggling up to me with his little face to the sky in total awe.  I had the realisation that in all his five years, he'd never seen fireworks in real life before.  He used words like magnificent and amazing.  I felt so awful.  So guilty.  It was a bit of a moment.

So I'm selfish.  That goes without saying. We all like doing specific things and I'm no exception.  It's just hard to drag around kids that won't listen, who won't stay still, who misbehave, who cry when you say no to that giant icecream/packet of chips/ride and then you have to deal with all the judgey looks from all the people staring as you drag your son away and chastise him through gritted teeth.  Add stupid heat to that equation and you've got a shite situation.

I don't deal well with it but I need to stop worrying about it.  It's making me crazy.  I love my kids and this year, I'm going to try harder.  After the shit year that 2017 was, and all the amazing help that we received, I am only hoping that 2018 is a tad better.

I'm going to try harder and be there for my kids, do more, listen more, be 'present'.  I want to give back to my community a little bit.  I'm going to stop yelling at Juffin, stop being jealous of others and what they have, read more books and watch less TV.  Move more and be more mindful of goes into my mouth.

I just want to be a better Mum, lover, friend, colleague and family member.

Not much right?

Hahahah

Tiring them out after a lazy day