30 Oct 2012

A birthing story.

I just had a baby.  Like for real.  I'm going to tell you all about it, in great detail...  so if you don't want to know, then don't read. I'll try not to include too many yucky details!!  Throughout my pregnancy I blogged for my work which you can find here.  It was so good sharing my experience with others so I'm hoping to try and continue that with my own personal blog, which could be infinitely better, or way more shite, only time will tell.  One thing is for sure, I will be brutally honest and I expect that some people won't like that.

It was a weird experience.  Pregnancy, the birth, now having to care for a tiny little human.... Mushroom is only a week old and I'm still trying to process what exactly happened to me last week!!

Friday night (October 20) Juffin went out for a drink or two at his mate's place, at this point we still have a few days to due date and apparently everyone goes over on their first baby, so I'm not worried.  I make up a giant plate of nachos, hook into some delicious natural spring water and vegetate on the couch.  My back is killing me and my mate S comes over to keep me company (read eat nachos!)  She leaves around 11ish and I have a hot shower and hit the sack.  I awake at 2am ish to increasing pain in my back and a weird achy feeling deep in my pelvis... could it be that I'm having labour pains?!  As I'm a total nerd and have had no braxton hicks (this is false labour pains to the peeps not in the know) I get onto my tablet and look up signs that you're in labour.  Apparently I could be in labour.  This freaks me out a little bit.  However, it's not bad, just achy back and it comes and goes, is bearable and Juffin has finally returned so I'm not overly concerned.

Awake on Saturday with manic desire to clean.  Like seriously.  I am on my hands and knees in the shower scrubbing at the grouting with a toothbrush.  In the nude.  Juffin is amused by my display and helps me out by vacuuming and mopping the floor as I shout instructions to him from the ensuite bathroom.  I try and get some rest in the afternoon and the back pain is still there but not getting any better or any worse.

Sunday we have a big breakfast and head out for coffee with the rents.  We hit the supermarket afterwards and get a few items that we're lacking.  Head home and here's where the fun really begins!  I'm not sure if we had lunch or not but I definitely remember we did have sex... yes, I know, sex at 39 weeks pregnant what's wrong with you woman?  But honestly, I kept thinking to myself if I'm really in labour then this could be it for a while so why not make the most of it?  It also was a good distraction and took my mind off things for half and hour or so... All the books say that the berkin is good to bring on labour and looks like it worked.

By this stage my back is aching.  Pain is radiating from the centre of my lower back outwards.  I am getting nothing up front, it's all in the rear and damn girl, it's not fun at all.  I try to remember my hypnobirthing breathing and do well to manage the pain until about 11pm.  We call the hospital and they tell us to come up.... unfortunately I'm only 1cm but Mushroom is spine to spine (this means his head should be facing my back but it's facing my front so he's the wrong way around... hence the unbelievable back pain) and they give me some drugs and send me home.  I feel better knowing that I'm definitely in labour and it's not all in my head!

The second visit to the hospital at around 4am is not fun.  I'm in agony.  I know that people say you're in agony but I really was in agony and not coping at all.  My breathing exercises have gone out the window and I'm barely focusing.  Juffin drives us up to the hospital again and they take me to an examination room where they promptly leave us alone for nigh on half hour.  I'm annoyed but distracted as the pain is coming much more frequently and it's more intense.  Juffin is more annoyed.  Stupid questions follow, has my water broken?  Yes.  Am I in a lot of pain?  Yes.  How frequent are the contractions?  Every 3 mins or so.  At this point I'm ready to kill someone.  Apparently there is an emergency at the other end of the birth suite so they give me a shot and leave me in a darkened room for an hour or so.  I have no concept of time.  The shot does little except take the edge off.

I'm then sent home a second time.... I know. What.  The.  Fuck.  No-one does an internal so have no idea how progressed I am at that point and I'm in tears but leave stoically.  On the way home I'm gasping and cannot stop yelling and carrying on.  Juffin is freaking out.  He puts me in the shower and I'm racked with pain so intense that I scream, there's blood and there's also the incredible desire to push.  He calls the hospital again and they tell us to come back again.  Seriously.  I don't know how I'm going to get into that car as sitting down is the most painful position for me to be in.  It's about 8am on a Monday morning and I'm screaming my nut off.  We get to the hospital and I'm dreading getting out of the car as there are a million people all coming and going to work and they're all looking at me!

Basically when I'm finally admitted, I'm 9cm.  I get on the gas and everything is fine.  I want to push, I'm given the go ahead to push and then wait, hang on, wait.  Ok we're just going to see how mushroom is doing... mushroom is not going well.  Mushroom is stuck because my stupid cervix is swelling shut and mushroom is still the wrong way around!  OMG!  So now I'm not allowed to push, even though I want to die!  Time passes, no idea how much as I'm in the worst pain imaginable, it's impossible to describe the feeling of wanting to push and not being able to... to just put it aside.  I'm exhausted, and confused about what has gone wrong.  An anaesthetist comes, they do an epidural whilst I'm experiencing intense contractions at 2 mins apart and still not allowed to push.  The epidural may help my cervix relax so that the mushroom can get out.  I stay at 9cm for over 5 hours.  It's at this point that a Doctor comes to see me and advises we'll have to do a caesarian.  I'm devastated.  I cry.  A lot. Juffin is trying to understand what the hell is going on and calm me down.  The Doctor advises that there's nothing else that they can do.  I feel ridiculously ripped off after experiencing all of that only to be denied right at the end.  Of course a healthy baby is what we want, no matter what, but it still feels like a major disappointment.

Surgery is a blur.  All I remember was holding Juffin's hand and waiting to start when they present me with our baby.  Mushroom!  There you are!  And you have a doodle!  We have a son.  I cry.  Again.  We have a son.  A boy.  We finally decide on a name there and then.  Juffin goes with the midwife to weigh our little man and check that he has 10 fingers and toes.  He does, I know this because I check him myself every day, just in case....  It's the worst feeling laying there on the operating table hearing your son cry for the first time and you're unable to hold him.  This isn't what I wanted. I just wanted a standard delivery....  They're finally done stitching me up, and we're wheeled into recovery where I get to meet my little mushroom and he's just perfect.  They put him on my chest and I just stare in wonder.  Did I really make you?  Were you really inside me for that whole time?  It's so bizarre and amazing at the same time.  I'm an exhausted, emotional mess.  Juffin and I just keep grinning at each other and staring at our boy.

Next time:  Recovering and sure, go ahead and touch my boobs 5 other people already have today!