25 Feb 2016


I love music. Always have. In highschool I would have keeled over before admitting that I liked anything played on commercial radio. Such a snob.

Nowadays I'm a bit more open-minded. I may have added a bloody Biebs song to Juffin's Spotify playlist, but I'm admitting to nothing and I'm pretty sure he hasn't noticed yet.

In my old age I've definitely expanded my listening to include things other than loud, grungey rock and industrial blah blah whatever that genre was called. I find myself singing along to things my 15 year old self would murder me for. Ah, the elitism of youth.

Sadly, I find myself listening to specific artists or bands less and less and mostly just listen to the radio. Or random Spotify playlist. And this makes me terribly sad. I definitely don't get as excited about music anymore and can't actually remember the last time I bought an album or counted down the days until so and so's new album came out. Pathetic really. Desperate times indeed. I'm actually sad just writing these words!

So here I am. 33 weeks pregnant and trying to mentally prepare for what's coming. My midwife suggested I get a playlist together to play during labour and I'm looking for some inspo. I definitely don't want wanky whale music or anything with panpipes but some Fleetwood Mac and RHCP may be required.

Hit me with some tunes my friends. Songs that make you feel good, motivate you, something that will make me smile and take me away from where I am... Old faves and new bangers. I'm open. I'm down. Come at me!

22 Feb 2016


Each evening we have to check the Mushroom's bed for ants.


That's right. Ants.

Not Monsters. Not ghosts. Not crocodiles.


The Mushroom claims that his bed is an ant haven. An ant hotel. The place to be if you're an ant.




Seriously though, there are no ants in his bed. I have explained that ants are attracted to food and as he eats food in our bloody bed, not his, there is no chance of ants in his bed.

Besides, we have check it every night.

Sadly tonight I realised that my boy is just that, a little boy and no longer a baby. Made me a little heartsore for my chubba bubba. 7.5 weeks until the new one is here!

18 Feb 2016

Gut Talking

I have a friend who's into body building... sort of. Mostly just loves lifting heavy shit and being SWOLE and stuff.  She's pretty hot.  Ok, she's very hot.  But she's also super dedicated and strong and awesome.  She worked damn hard to get to where she is and whilst there's no way I'm about to start counting macro's, or tracking my every bite, it got me to thinking about how people cannot shut up about other people's life choices.

See when my friend was prepping for her competition last year, people at her work could not stop making stupid comments.  Comments about her food, her appearance, her life choices...

'Are you supposed to be eating that?'
'Is that all you're allowed to eat?'
'Aren't you hungry?'
'I couldn't do what you're doing'
'I hate girls with muscles'
'Be careful, you don't want to get too big'
'Are you eating again?'

On and on and on and ON!

Seriously!  It's bad enough to be all judgey judgey about people's food, let alone call them out on it, draw unnecessary attention and make them feel bad in front of everyone! You wouldn't walk up to a fatty and ask them if they should be eating the KFC that they're shovelling in their face would you?  And if you would, and they're not a great friend who needs you to kick them up the arse for eating KFC, then that's NOT VERY NICE!  YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON!

Most people who are eating crap, know that they shouldn't be eating it.  They're eating it, because THEY WANT TO!  Like people who track their food, meal prep, and lift big arse weights, THEY'RE DOING IT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO!

In the last two weeks I have been told that I'm huge too many times to count.  Comments like: 'Wow, you still have eight weeks to go', 'Are you sure there's only one in there?' and 'You've grown so much!' are unnecessary and make me want to kill myself.  Of course I've grown idiot, there's a human being, literally being made inside me!

You could also stop staring at my enormous gut when talking to me and try to keep your eyes on my face.  Or my boobs.  Either is fine.  Just stop looking at my belly. I know it's huge.  I know it's fascinating.  But I can't deal with it any more.  Please.

And stop asking me how I am.  Every day with the how are you?  Stop.  I have bags under my eyes, I have hair growing out of my chin, my underpants are too tight and my vagina feels like it's been kicked by a mule.  How do you think I am?  I'm growing a person!  A real, live person who kicks the shit out of my insides 24/7.  I'm exhausted.  I am a mother to a toddler. I'm hungry and tired, all of the time.  I try and sleep but as I need to pee 77 times a day, I rarely get more than 3 hours without feeling like I'm about to wet the bed.

I then lay awake for hours getting kicked in the bladder that's never really empty and worrying about all the stuff that I haven't organised yet.

Or how much my next electricity bill is because it's 35 degrees outside and it's 2.47am and the air conditioning has been running flat out for weeks on end now.  

32 Weeks.  So pretty.
Eight weeks to go and then another hell will emerge and I'll remember this time fondly and think about how stupid I was to whinge about this.  

I did this to myself.  But I'm allowed to whinge about it.  Those are the rules.  You're just not allowed to call me out on it.  Or ask me how I am.  Or comment on how huge I am. Or talk to me at all without offering me food and a nap first.

Why did I do this again?!

12 Feb 2016

Breakfast Convos - 2

Eating weetbix. I'm drinking coffee.

Me: What do you want to do today?

Mushroom: Stay HOME!

Me: Really? You want to stay home? I thought we could go to the waterpark.

Mushroom: YESSS! Waterpark!

I smile to myself.

Mushroom: Actually.

Eats more weetbix.

Let's go to the moon.

Me: The moon?

I'm incredulous.

How will we get to the moon?

I'm met with a LOOK. You know the 'you really are an f-ing idiot Mum' look.

Mushroom: A ROCKET

Like duh?!

Me: But we don't have a rocket.

Mushroom: (exhaling deeply) We'll BUILD ONE.

Oh of course. I'm so stupid.

1 Feb 2016

Ick Pics

So we can all agree that genitals are gross right?

Today a colleague and I were talking about dick pics.  And how that's a thing now.  That men just send random women pictures of their penis, like we want to see them.

Cos I definitely don't.  Penises are not at all attractive.

Neither are vaginas for that matter.

But penises.  Ewww.

So anyway, random dudes are sending women that they connect with on mobile dating apps, or talk to in clubs and exchange numbers etc, pics of their dicks and don't expect this response... which would be mine:


Apparently it's this universe.  I spoke to a few different women and most of them had been on the receiving end of an aforementioned, DICK PIC.

Now I don't know if this is limited to straight men, but I'm assuming that gay men also share pics of their dicks, which perhaps gay men are interested in seeing.  I know that as a straight woman, I don't appreciate the visual aspects of the penis one iota, but I'm not speaking for the entire straight woman population.  I'm just referring to something which I find extremely distasteful.  I mean I wouldn't send a pic of my vagina to anyone.  ANYONE.  EVER.


But if you're totes into the peen and love looking at it, then yeah, whatevs, good for you.  I guess I'd just wait and see if I liked a person and talked to them a few times before sending them photes of my junk, but, hey?  What the fuck do I know?

I don't really know what the point of this post is.  I honestly didn't realise that the dick pic thing was such a regular occurrence.

I'm getting old.

Half a block of this chocolate made me feel better....

Also, I have a son.  Is this something that I'm going to have to talk to him about in the future?! Because lordy, that is TOO MUCH!