27 Feb 2013

Four Months

4 days
Where has the time gone?  What happened to my baby boy that was too small for even 0000, who would sleep all day and snuggle into my arm?  Time is moving too fast and I wish it would slow down.

At 6.61kg my Mushroom has now doubled his birth weight, is rolling both ways, talking non-stop and trying to commando crawl across the lounge room. We're still exclusively breastfeeding, (though this has had it's challenges recently, see my post on rubbernecking here), bathing in the big bath now and still trying to eat our own feet. Mushroom is not interested in snuggling much now, he always wants to look around and take it all in.  If you're holding him, he's looking at everything but you.

Whilst there are elements of my old life I miss, mostly the drinking of hard liquor, my new life is not really comparable as it's totally different.  I get up at 6.30 every day and I'm greeted with the most beautiful smiles.  I eat breakfast at the table with my boyfriend whilst our son plays on the floor at our feet.  After Juffin goes to work, I youtube a bad 90s song and the Mushroom and I have a crazy dance off.  Mushroom squeals with delight as we rocket around the bedroom jiggling crazily.  

4 months 
During our day we'll play peekaboo, swim in the paddling pool, practise rolling on the floor, have story time, sing songs, do photo shoots and bake for Daddy Juffin.  In the afternoons, if it's not 1000c, we go for a walk to the shops and buy some milk, or some bread, or a bag of lollies that I manage to scoff on the way home therefore undoing the whole point of the walk. 
Each night at 6.15 Juffin gives the Mushroom a bath and I take 5 by myself but usually end up in the bathroom laughing with my two gorgeous boys.  Bedtime quickly follows and I sit down to a meal with Juffin and we talk about our day.  Washing, dishes, TV watching and showering follows and I'm in bed, another day over.  

It felt like it crept up on me, this motherhood thing.  All through my pregnancy I was a little bit detached, like it was happening to someone else.  When the birth didn't go to plan, it made me feel like a bit of a failure and as I struggled to cope in those first few weeks, I thought maybe I had made a mistake.  Four months on and I'm now wondering why I didn't do this earlier?!  I yak on to all and sundry about my amazingly awesome son, and my old self cringes in embarrassment as I pull out the phone so I can show the cashier at the supermarket a recent photo.  Yep.  I did that.  It sounds cornier to admit, but I live and breathe this child and I feel silly for ever doubting myself.  This is the hardest thing I've ever done, bar none.  Motherhood is damn hard work and I have even more respect for my amazing Mother now.   

This week the cold hard reality of returning to work and income has reared it's ugly head and I'm trying to manipulate the numbers but they all say the same thing.  Best case scenario would be winning lotto and never working again but unfortunately that's not going to happen.  A girl can dream.   

20 Feb 2013


I just realised that I'm an idiot who spelt my son's name incorrectly.

When your boyfriend asks you if there's one or two 'l's in Maximilian after 24 hours of labour and an emergency c-section, it is understandable if you get it wrong.

When you're completing the birth details on official paperwork and you've been feeding around the clock, dealing with a newborn and recovering from a major operation, it is understandable if you get it wrong.

When you send away for the birth certificate, and you have that niggling feeling that something is wrong, it's understandable that you confuse that feeling for tiredness/stress/hormonal imbalance and just ignore it.

The fact remains.  We spelt it wrong.

I, the stickler for correct spelling, have a son, with a very old fashioned name, that we have spelt incorrectly.    And I just can't abide by incorrect spelling.  And before everyone carries on about different spelling, I have no problem with you spelling your child's name however you like!  It's fine! Drop the Y add an IE, use a double EE, I don't have a problem with that at all!  Spell it however you like.  My problem is that we chose a name, Maximilian, and that we didn't spell that name that we wanted for our child correctly.  We didn't set out to spell it differently.  At all.  We didn't even decide on the name until he was born!  Now it's bugging the hell out of me!

The question is, do we embrace it, just let it be as he's probably going to be known as Max his whole life, or do we change it so it's correct?!  Will he be embarrassed later if he's a professional smarty parts or such and he uses Maximillian and people are always pointing out that it's spelt incorrectly? Or does  it really not matter?

It only costs $18 to change on birth and records and to be honest, I just can't stop thinking about it.  What should I do?

Would I have to change this as well?!

19 Feb 2013

Foot in mouth

Step 1. Locate foot.

Step 2.  Put foot in mouth. 

Photo says it all really.  I love the crazy kid.   

Car Trouble

Last Friday we ran into a little car trouble.  Which living with a mechanic wouldn't normally be a problem.  However, because I live with a mechanic, we only have one functioning vehicle at the moment.  The out of action vehicle, Juffin's other baby, was supposed to be fixed before the Mushroom came along....

The whole rebuilding engine, living with a mechanic whose car doesn't work, is such a long and boring story, I won't bother recounting the whole thing here.  Needless to say, we rely on my car, to get us all around.  This means dropping off and picking up from work if we want to go anywhere.

Friday's we need the car as we have swimming lessons.  I haven't blogged about swimming yet, but I will, I promise!  The Juffin has just replaced my brakes, airconditioning belt, power steering belt, tyres and radiator, so my car is running like a dream. Or so I thought. I didn't know that all these repairs had recently taken place before this incident.  I don't know anything about cars.  I just thought he was outside avoiding me and doing man things.

We (read I) rush around on Friday morning getting organised for swimming and we're out the door and on our way.  The Mushroom is having a big whinge in the back and thankfully Macklemore and Ryan Lewis comes on and he immediately stops grizzling.  Hallelujah.  Note to self, must buy that CD.  Also, do people still buy CD's anymore?!

We get to the pool and as I'm packing up the burka pram, I notice that there's a weird hissing noise coming from the front of the car.  That's odd, I think to myself, but remember that Juffin has said the brakes will be making funny noises for a few days after putting them on, so just dismiss it and carry on.

Hence the title burka pram... 
Swimming goes really well and the Mushroom is pooped, but still fighting sleep.  Babies are so stupid sometimes!  We make lunch plans with the other Mum's and head out to the car.  I turn it on and pop the Mushroom in his seat with the AC blasting so we can cool the car down.  I put everything away in record time and jump in, excited to get a yummy lunch and hoping that the Mushroom finally conks out.

We get to the end of the road and things start going wrong.  Firstly, I'm dealing with a screaming tired Mushroom in the backseat which makes concentrating on driving a little difficult and secondly the damn air conditioning has stopped working.  Not cool.  Literally.  The last time this happened, it was the belt that had snapped, but that has just been replaced so it can't be broken already... can it?!

Things go from bad to worse as I turn onto Thuringowa Drive, not only has the aircon stopped working, but the temperature gauge starts rising.  Shhhiiiiittttt!  I'm freaking out.  Mushroom is still wailing in the back and we've got hot, humid air gushing at us from every vent.  I turn off the AC and wind the windows all the way down.  I'm rooting around in my giant bag looking for the headset for the phone and trying to keep calm as the temperature gauge keeps climbing into the red zone and my son screams blue murder in the backseat.

At that moment, someone tries to change lanes, nearly wiping me out.  It's all too much.  I start crying.  With tears streaming I try to call the Juffin but he doesn't answer and I'm not sure what to do.  Risk driving home only to get stuck there and unable to pick up the Juffin from work this afternoon, or drive all the way across town to his workshop?  I pick the workshop.  We live 15 mins away on the highway and I think if I try and go 100km/hr the car will definitely explode.  I pull over to the side of the road and gather my thoughts.  Tears are still streaming and I'm worried about how ill prepared we are for things like this happening.  I'm also well aware that we now have a child and we can't even support ourselves properly so what kind of parents does that make us?  I know that people manage with way less and instead of disintegrating into a blubbering mess, I try and pull myself together.  It's oddly quiet inside the car and that's when I realise that  the Mushroom has finally stopped crying and decided to have a sleep.  I wish I could join him.

We drive at 40km/hr all the way to Juffin's work.  I pull over a couple of times and turn the engine off to let it cool down and then go again.  Thankfully Mushroom sleeps through the whole ordeal.  Doubly lucky is that Juffin works around the corner from a major shopping centre so I park the car under a tree, pull the burka pram out and manage a successful sleeping baby transfer, high five!

As soon as I see the Juffin, I can't help but start crying again, stupid girly hormones! He's rushes over and has an appropriately concerned face which just makes me worse.  I am blubbering and trying to talk at the same time explaining that the car is f**ked, must be the radiator, high temperatures, smoke and we don't have any money, and the other car is still not on the road and someone nearly ran into us, and Mushroom was screaming and I'm hot and tired and I didn't know what else to do.  He tells me to take a breath, calm down and tell him exactly what happened.  I repeat the experience and then remember about the hissing when we got to the pool.  He tells me to leave it with him and go hang out in the shops for a bit.  He kisses me and tells me to call my Mum or something but he'll take care of it.  How is it that he can just cope with shit and I fall apart?!  Infuriating.

We plug on down to the shopping centre, me looking like crap with no makeup, chlorine hair, cry eyes and sunscreen stains on my shirt and the Mushroom happily snoozing away in the pram.  I call my Mum and ask her to come and rescue us, thanking my lucky stars that it's Friday and she's not at work.  So with a rescue plan in place we set up in the foodcourt and I get something to eat.  We hang out in the shopping centre soaking up the AC and waiting for the call from Juffin to tell me that the car is really f**ked and we have to catch the bus from now on... talk about negative Nelly!

In the end my parents come to my rescue just before the Juffin calls and says it was just a hose and it's all fixed.  Unbelievable.  He then informs me that he replaced the radiator a couple of weeks ago so wouldn't have been that... right.  I officially know nothing about cars.  Mum and Dad decide to drive us back around the corner to the car anyway and I'm eternally grateful.  What a couple of stars.

Guess who spent most of the weekend working on car number 2 as a result of our little mishap?  Fingers crossed it's back up and running sometime in the next millennium.  I hate that car so much.     

18 Feb 2013


Juffin said he heard the Mushroom laugh weeks ago.  I was sceptical.  I hadn't heard any damn laughing and I'm with the Mushroom all day long!  Where's my laughing?

It goes like this, the Juffin is doing a nappy change and shouts out to me, 'Babe!  Babe!  Quick come here!!' The excitement in his voice is unmistakable.  I drop whatever it was that I'm doing (probably on my damn phone), and race into the Mushroom's room.  

"What?  What's going on?  Is our miraculously awesome child walking already or something?"  

"No," the Juffin says, "he just laughed.  He laughed at me!"

I stare incredulously at my lovely partner and his happy face and I instantly feel like crap.  Our son laughed and I didn't even hear it?!  Why didn't he laugh with me? Doesn't my son like me?  I start to call bullshit.  

"What do you mean he laughed?  He laughed.  Like actual laughing?  At you?!"

"He did.  I swear.  He laughed, just then.  I was changing his nappy and making funny faces and he laughed.  It was awesome!"

During this exchange son is burbling away on the change table, smiling and cooing at us both oblivious to what's going on.  Juffin is wiggling the Mushroom's legs around and animatedly talking to me and pulling faces still.  It's pretty cute.  And funny looking.

I decide to be a bitch.  

"He's only laughing at you because your head looks funny."  And with that, I exit the room.  


Who's laughing now Mr Funny Face?!  

Juffin doesn't really have a funny face.  I just had to make myself feel better because obviously my face is not funny enough to laugh at, that or my son doesn't think I'm funny at all.  Which just makes me sad.

Begin Operation Funny Face.  Over the last couple of weeks, I set out to make my son laugh by doing the following:  tickling underarms, singing silly songs, pulling fish faces, peekaboo, more tickling but around tummy area, laughing hysterically, smiling with all my teeth showing, poking him in the ribs, tickling his feet, pulling his ears, pulling my ears, poking my tongue out, putting my hair on his face, smiling with no teeth showing, rolling him over, jiggling him, bouncing, crossing my eyes, blowing raspberries, smiling with some teeth showing...  

After what feels like a gazillion attempts, and a seriously sore face, today I finally hear my son's laugh for the first time.  No idea what prompted it as I didn't do anything.  We were just looking at each other and he laughed.  Admittedly, I haven't done my eyebrows in a long time but I didn't think they looked that bad.  

Maximum Smiles 

It bubbles up out of nowhere and something inside me twangs.  Another mushy Mummy moment.

And thank the deity that he doesn't sound like those damn Karicare kids.  Ugh!  

12 Feb 2013

Creepy Corner

I'm convinced that the Mushroom can see things that we can't.  As in spirit persons.  Or, if you like, ghosts.  Ok, don't discount me just yet.  Let me explain.

From the day he was born Mushroom has been mesmerised by the corner of our bedroom.  One particular corner.  At first, I thought he was just attracted to the way the light looks when the sun shines in and hits the corner of the room etc.  Baby's can't really see properly at first so (I thought) obviously he is drawn to the shadows and light that flickers at different times of the day.

Fast forward a few weeks and we're having our morning cuddles.  The Mushroom has started smiling so we're lapping it up.  He smiles at Mummy, he smiles at Juffin, he smiles at the corner.  Hang on, what?  He smiles at the corner?!  Yep, he is smiling at the corner.  Smiling, cooing, and gurgling actually.  Basically the loving gummy smiles we're getting are also being shared with the boring old corner.  Hmmm...  We try turning the Mushroom around so he's facing a different direction and he forcibly moves his head to stare back at the corner, talking and smiling!  Immediately I'm thinking of mental disorders which make baby's talk to corners and as per usual google way too much and stress myself out by thinking of a million things that could be wrong with my baby.  Juffin, the voice of reason, tells me to calm down and continues to laugh and play with the Mushroom.  I try to shrug it off also but every time he looks at that corner....

One morning after Juffin has gone to work and Mushroom is nattering away to his corner, I try a little experiment and lay the Mushroom down out of harms way and I try to look at the corner from his angle.  Nope, just a corner.  I was thinking that he's looking at where his Juffin Daddy usually sits/sleeps but no, it's not that.  I don't remember when but at one point I mention spooky type spirit stuff but we laugh it off and  discount it as one of those odd things that baby's do.

Even though every day he has a little yarn to the corner. Every single day....

Being the crazy person that I am and obviously having imagination to spare, I don't let it go.  Not in the slightest.  Why doesn't he stare at other parts of the house?  Why this one corner in our bedroom?  Light filters through all over the place.  We have blinds, lots of them.  Baby's like the stripes so I can understand why he stares at those.  The fan, sure.  Out the open door whilst I'm doing the washing in the laundry, yes.  But this bedroom corner is not special.  It's just a corner.  I can't understand why of all the corners in the whole house, that he continues to be mesmerised by this particular one?  I make things worse by calling it the creepy corner. It's not really creepy.  It's only creepy because Mushroom keeps talking to it.  And that's creepy.  Baby's talking to things that aren't there...  
Last night, things got weirder.  I wake up to a chatting baby at 3.34am.  If the Mushroom wakes up at night, he cries for a feed, I feed him, he goes back to sleep.  This didn't happen last night.  Last night he's having a good ol' gasbag to an unseen entity.  Chatting away, no tears, no grunts of trying to get up, just gooing and gaaing, la lol leee, you know, baby talk.  I wake up the Juffin and I mouth at him WTF?!  He barely acknowledges my concern, as per usual, but this is not normal Mushroom behaviour.  I lay awake listening to him having a big chat freaking out about who's in the room with us!

This is not your usual ghost story.  There were no cold shivers, no fog, no flashes of light.  It's just my baby, having a yarn, with something that I can't see. Eventually he shut up and went back to sleep. Just like that. My Mushroom never drifts off by himself unless he's in the car, or in the pram.  Doesn't happen.

I know that things always seem creepy at 3 in the morning, but even in the cold light of day, I'm convinced that there's something that hangs out in the corner, in our bedroom, that the Mushroom can see that we can't. The Mushroom has made an unseen friend and is talking to that someone, or (F**K!!!) something,  on a regular basis.  It's not a bad 'thing'.  It's not unfriendly.  It's just there and the Mushroom can see it and we can't.

I know you all think I'm a fruit loop now but I just don't care.  Google it.  There are a gazillion links to other people who think their baby's talk to ghosts too!

The creepy corner.  I know.  It looks harmless...  

11 Feb 2013

Inner Monologue

This post is going to be depressing, so just skip over to the next one if you don't wanna hear it.  I know that there are so many more people worse off than I but I just need to have a fucking whinge.  I'm blaming the mini pill and hormones.  And the no coke thing.  And the heat lately.  But mostly the mini pill.  Here's a taste of what's been on my mind:

Returning to work, the possibility of working from home, if that's not possible, will they let me go part-time?  What if they won't let me go back part-time?  Do I find a new job?  Do I go back to university and do something I love?  What sort of money will we receive if I don't work?  Is it enough to live on?  We can't afford for me not to work/earn.  How much does daycare cost?  What are the family daycares like in my area cos there are heaps of them?  Should I go family daycare or long daycare?  What if Max doesn't like daycare?  What if I hate being away from him?  How do other families live on one income?  We don't even own a home yet, how the hell are we going to do that?  I turn 32 this year.  That's bad.  Should I start highlighting my hair as the greys are slowly multiplying.  I pulled out 3 the other day.  There was only one before the Mushroom.  Why am I still getting pimples at age nearly 32?  WTF is the go with that?  Why are they so big and gross?  What sort of games should I be playing with Mushroom?  Why do all the nursery rhymes that I know all sound the same?  What comes after dormez-vous in Frere Jacques?  Juffin's family is French.  Someone better teach my kid to speak French.  Am I a good Mum?  Am I doing the right things?  When will he fit into 00 as he's too big for 000 but too small for 00 so in stupid inbetween phase?  Hopefully the new pram liner I ordered will fit properly and be worth the cost.  I'm nervous spending so much money.  I have to get Mushroom in to see the Doctor, keep forgetting to make an appointment.  I haven't paid that outstanding bill and keep forgetting that too.  I also need to make a dental appointment but worried about the cost and it will need to be on a weekend so Juffin can watch the Mushroom.  Can't take the Mushroom to the Dentist.  Birkenstocks.  Should I buy some?  My feet have been hurting lately.  Getting old sucks.  What should I make for tea tomorrow night?  I wonder if the Juffin is going to buy me some jewellery soon?  I wish I had a money pot. FFS everyone wishes they had a money pot.  I want to go to New Zealand with Mushroom and visit family but we can't afford it.  Not for all of us to go.  Don't really want to go without the Juffin.  And still can't find flights under $800.  Which is too much.  But still want to go.  Maybe we should just go to Brisbane and visit instead.  I would like to go somewhere before I go back to work.  If I go back to work soon. When should we transfer the Mushroom into his own room.  I don't want to yet.  He's still in the hammock. Should we just take down the cot and keep him in the hammock or transfer him over?  He likes his hammock, but he can't stay in our room forever.  I like reading at night and the light is right next to his hammock and shines on his face.  I miss reading.  I miss lots of things about life before.  Does that make me a bad mother?  Am I a bad mother?  Shit I missed My Kitchen Rules tonight.  Damn it all to hell!  Can I not remember one frickin thing?!  Where has my memory gone?  Will it return?  Am I just going to be walking around forgetting everything like some stupid incompetent male?  

I told you it was bad.  It just goes on and on ad nauseum.  I lay awake at night thinking, thinking, thinking...  On top of that I am one cranky bitch lately and have been snapping at the poor Juffin left right and centre.  I have zero patience for certain people and haven't been endearing myself to anyone at all.  I had to laugh because a friend of mine has been a cranky bitch too and blogged about it here. I'm not going through anything nearly as stressful as her, so don't really have any right to be a Cranky McCrankster so I'll blame the crazy heat, motherhood, and, wait for it, yes!  The mini pill!  

Now that I've gotten that shit off my chest, here's a cute pic of the Mushroom and I'll be on my way!

16 weeks 


5 Feb 2013


Title says it all really.  The Mushroom has found his thumb.

It all started a couple of weeks ago when the constant sucking started.  He was sticking the blanket in there, his singlet, his fist, toys, you name it, it was going in his mouth.  The fascination with the hands just grew and grew and two days ago he found his thumb.

Now what?  Where do we go from here?  The little turd wouldn't take a dummy and has now found the next best thing, his own damn thumb!

All the research I've done on the intermenets say it's not a bad thing.  He's found his hands, he can self soothe now, hooray for thumbsucking!  Until they're older, and they don't grow out of it.  Then it's boo for thumbsucking!  Boo, boo boo!

Taken last week... a precursor of things to come!
(Please excuse the state of my very messy bed.  Baby's, housework, appropriate excuse)  

I don't have a photo of him with it in his mouth yet but it's pretty much in there all the time now.  Insert frustrated face here.  I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it, because if you do, they just do it more.  Yes.  Rebellion at 15 weeks, who'd have thunk it?!  

I have tried to use toys to distract him and found things for him to grasp onto and suck but I think it's just his thing for now... obviously being my child does make him a little stressy so this must be his way of coping.  Stupidly I think he looks cute all the time, even with his own thumb shoved in his gob, but I'm hoping that it's just a phase, like everything else, and that it doesn't last forever!  Fingers crossed he does grow out of it pretty quickly because unlike a dummy, I can't just take his thumb away from him!  

4 Feb 2013

Crazy Person

So I'm a fatty.  And this pregnancy was really good for me because I finally realised how much of a fatty I had become and then it made me start freaking out about the future and being a Mum and the Mushroom being ashamed because he has a fat Mummy and all that jazz.  I know.  It's not all about me all the time, but this blog kinda is, so there.

Miraculously, through daily exercise and unexplained phenomena, I only put on 7kg during pregnancy.  Amazeballs.  I was feeling pretty excellent about myself.  Following the birthing, I was back to pre-preggo weight immediately.  Awesome.  4 weeks later I was 5 kg down on that weight.  Even more awesome!  I'm jumping around singing breastfeeding's praises to all and sundry.  Getting my high horse all nice and high and thinking that my body has finally decided to shed itself of the excess weight...

Now we come to today and something has clearly broken because the scales are going back in reverse. As in kilos are going back on and there's no reason for it whatsoever.  I have been walking daily.  In face melting heat, with the poor Mushroom sweating it up inside the pram in sympathy!  Poor little Mushroom.  It's that hot inside his pram that I bought him a pram fan.  It arrives next week.  I digress...

I've been making better choices.  Having healthy snacks.  Yes, my portion sizes are probably too big, but I'm so damn hungry by dinner time and I'm sorry for the immodesty, but I'm a seriously good cook... I'm still breastfeeding all day and the Mushroom is getting all the good stuff, but not my fat!  Argh!

I'm clearly nutso in body and mind.  I mean honestly, who puts on weight after the damn pregnancy?!  What's wrong with my crazy body?  Why can't it just expel the fat and be done with it?!  I talk to it everyday.  I tell the fat that it's ok to leave me, I comfort my body and tell it it's ok not to be fat anymore.  Obviously a crazy person, but the walking everyday has stopped working, the ridiculous face melting heat of late isn't working and I'm pretty sure that telling my body not to be fat anymore isn't working either.

I'm not really sure where to go from here, just wanted to have a vent really.  I can't go back on the low carb diet I was on before Mushroom as you have to eat carbs whilst breastfeeding, you can't make good healthy baby milk without them.  I'm going to make a concerted effort to cut down on the size of my dinner serving (bread and butter plate!) and I recently gave up on the coke.  Yes.  The devil's drink.  I'm not doing sugar free either cos that shit is major poison.  It's full sugar or nothing at all and my ass is saying nothing at all.

Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures so when this ridiculous heat subsides I am going to tackle the hill.  With my boy.  Strapped to my back or with the pram.  Probably with the pram so I can work out my humongous tuckshop arms as well.  Heaven help me and say a prayer to whichever deity you worship cos I'm going to need it!  I will keep you posted!

Sans shirt in the pram... too hot Mum!

1 Feb 2013


Mushroom is becoming ever more aware.  He talks non-stop and swings his little head around and around checking everything out.  This is great, awesome, hip, hip hooray!  Doing it whilst breastfeeding however, sucks the big one. 

Enter the rubbernecker, the gawker, the big starey hole.  It started a couple of weeks ago.  We were feeding quietly on the couch and I'm watching something on tv when 'Thawp....' and Mushroom has pulled himself off  of my breast and has turned his noggin around to stare at the box.  What a clever boy, I thought to myself at the time and gently guided his head back over to my breast where he started hungrily sucking away again.  Then 2 minutes later it happens again.  Only this time, Mr Clever Clogs has puts himself back on, after having a chat, and giving me gummy's.  This is all super cute and I'm thinking how awesome he is and how's he's so funny and cute and clever.  

Fast forward to now and as one of the girls on the babycenter forum said "it's like he's going out for a latte".  Exactly.  A buffet, a coffee date, a beer with his mates.  Our feeding sessions now go like this:  

"Wah wah wah WWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"   Yell at Mum cos obviously hungry, feed me already!  I pick him and take him to the bedroom where we now have to do our feeds otherwise gets too distracted.  

"Uh, ugh, nuh, ugh, NUGH!!"  Mushroom is grunting up a storm, rooting around with his mouth, and punching me with tiny fists.. You can just hear his little brain saying where's the food already, damn woman?!  

Finally manage to get squirmy baby onto breast correctly, hooray!    

Then we have the humming, and the overly loud sucking noises whilst he feeds.  "Mmmmmm, hhmmmmm, aaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmm" all the while feeding, feeding, feeding...  

Then "THWAP" pull off (nearly removing my nipple in the process), swings head back and forth whilst having a chat, blowing raspberries and carrying on.  He does some people watching (staring at Juffin if he's in the room otherwise have no idea who he's looking at as we're all alone), has a chat, goes back for another bite, pulls off again, smiles winningly at the waiter (me), feed, feed, pulls off for more people watching... 

It's hard to tell when he's finished as he used to just pull off when he was done but now he wants to have a chat in between and even jump around on my lap for a bit, burp and have a little spew then continue.

This is also especially frustrating whilst out as I don't really want my whole breast out and exposed to all and sundry while he tells me what he did in the pram on the way here.  I know Mushroom, I was bloody there remember?!    

What had been a very efficient process, has now disintegrated into a shambles.  Instead of the usual 20 mins,  feeding now it takes over half an hour because of all the bloody rubbernecking and Chatty McChatterson's.  

Raspberry face from Chatty McChatterson 
At this point I just have to laugh.  You can't help but smile at him when he's being so damn cute.  Good thing I have nothing better to do hey?!