It's working... it's working... it's... OH SHIT!

We passed our 6 week milestone on Monday.  Hallelujah!  And to all those people who said it would get easier after 6 weeks, phooey to you.  Lies!

After our horror weeks of little sleep, my lil Mushroom was being such a trooper since we implemented the swaddle and the night time bath ritual.  He was even going into his hammock half asleep and settling himself.  I was stoked!  We were introducing a 'dream feed' at 10.30pm when I went to bed also to push his wake up time for a night feed to 2ish in an attempt to get him sleeping until 6 again, but that was a work in progress.  I was so confident, I was so happy, I was so rested... I was so STUPID!   

To recap: we hit the big 6 week mark on Monday, and we had our first vaccination on Tuesday.  Which could be why he's being such a grizzle guts.  Or a growth spurt.  Or both.  Whatever it is, snap out of it already!  You hit the big 6 weeks, you had a needle, it hurt, now suck it up Mushroom!  I thought I was going to bawl my eyes out when they stuck him too, but managed to keep it together and only shed one little tear.  I kept thinking if I lose it, then he'll be even worse.  They had a little room set aside so I whisked him away for a feed straight away and he settled right down immediately.  No reactions and he was calm and alert when we left.  We even visited the girls at work across the road!

All day Wednesday the Mushroom was smiling and happy, and I thought that we'd gotten away with zero grizzliness but alas, come Wednesday night my lil Mushroom turned into a monster again.  I have no clue what is going on.  For nearly a week there, we were doing fantastically.  Then boom, enter Mad Max, the maddest mushroom of them all.. honestly!  All this fussiness can't be from two little needles, 3 days later?!  Obviously I have no idea but he's only catnapping now, for an hour tops, and is grizzling or feeding the rest of the time....

We had our new parent class on Tuesday and they mentioned the importance of trying to get into a routine. Baby loves routine, get them into a regular feed, play, sleep pattern... try to do the same things around the same time every day.  Which is what Save our Sleep says, and all other damn baby books.  Yeah.  I get it.  Get into a fucking routine!  Unfortunately if you can't get your child to go down for a sleep when he's tired, standing there and sh sh patting for hours on end, then how the hell are you supposed to make a routine work?  I mean if it takes me 2 hours to get him down for his 1pm sleep, then am I supposed to then wake him at 4pm anyway?  Even though he's only been asleep for an hour?  I don't get it.  Me and another girl were the only one's who have terrible sleepers... unless the other 10 Mum's were lying.  Which, judging by their hair, skin and general alertness, is not likely.  I stupidly also advised that we were coming to the end of our sleeping issues.  What a moron.  

Last night I finally got him to sleep at quarter past 9.  2 hours after his bedtime.  He then slept until 2am.  Which was great, but then he wouldn't go back to sleep.  Finally fell asleep on top of me for about 45mins, went to move him into his hammock, bang.  Awake again.  That was at 4am.  No sleep again until well after 9.30 this morning... argh!  I even drove the Juffin to work in the hopes that Mushroom would pass out in the car like he normally does.  No such luck.  Juffin tentatively broached that maybe it's time the Mushroom moves into his own room but I think that's just a ploy by him to get more sleep as I'd be feeding the Mushroom in his room, not ours... so onto him.

So here we are.  He's been out to it for nearly 2 hours.  The longest stretch since his 5 hour sleep last night.  I was going to head out to the shops and get some Christmas shopping done but I don't want to take my chances on him as he's been so grumpy.  I can only hope he sleeps for another hour and wakes up cheerful, grizzle free and ready to conform!  I'm the damn boss and he's gotta do as I say dammit!

On a lighter note, we are getting many more smiles now.  So that definitely makes up for it!  Bit bizarre that he'll be mid grizzle and break out into a full-on gum smacking grin then scrunch up his face and continue grizzling.  Just makes me wanna call bullshit on the whole thing but that gets me nowhere... you can't call bullshit on a baby!  It has zero effect whatsoever!

"I am Mad Max!  The Maddest Mushroom of them all!"

I feel like I've talked this whole no sleep thing to death and I apologise.  It's hard to write about anything else as it's all consuming! I can only hope that week 7 will bring us some rest, some fun (I'm going to attempt to take the Mushroom swimming!) and FFS, let's pray to Ganesha that we finally get into that damn routine!


On a side note, I know there's a lot of media coverage re whether to vaccinate your kids or not and there seems to be so many reasons for and against.  Either way, there's no guarantee.  In the end I made the decision to vaccinate because I have been, my siblings, my partner, my friends, my parents, so on and so on, and we never had any adverse reactions.  I have also visited south east Asia where some of these diseases that we're vaccinating against are still a reality.  This, amongst other reasons, are why I chose to vaccinate.  It's a personal decision, one that I respect, and I made mine.  

Success!

Well we did it.  We got some fucking sleep. Hallelujah!  I haven't been game to blog about it for fear of jinxing myself, but what the hell?  Can't be any worse than the last couple of weeks that we had.  This morning I even put the Mushroom down and he was semi awake and he just drifted off by himself.  Bloody brilliant!

Here's the part where I admit that I was stupid and should have listened to my mother. And my sister.  And numerous other people.  Swaddling was the key.  I had tried it previously but to no avail.  The screaming, grunting tantrum when I tried to swaddle him was enough to put anyone off.  In desperation, and exhaustion, on Thursday night I thought I'd try again.  Ok that's not exactly true.  I was bouncing a screaming Mushroom up and down, around and around, shhing and carrying on for over an hour and I decided to google how to calm an overtired baby... and what do you know?  Swaddling came up.  I thought there's no way, until I saw this you tube video and this one both using that miracle blanket thing and they stopped crying almost instantly.  Instantly people!  

Now I don't have a miracle blanket.  I do, however, have muslin, and I'm creative, and more importantly, I'm desperate, so I'll try to I do a homemade version of that.  I mean if it's that easy to make him stop crying then I'm in.  After some pretty ridiculous attempts, a screaming protestation and  20 minutes later, Mushroom admitted defeat.  Swaddled, he was a different Mushroom.  He was calm, warm and cuddly, and more importantly, not screaming.  I fed him all wrapped up tight then put him down to sleep, no hysterics, nothing.  Just quiet, deep sleep.  No shit.  I almost cried with relief.  I had a lovely, long, hot shower and got into bed and enjoyed over 5 wonderful hours of unbroken sleep. Little bloody champion.

Friday afternoon things went downhill but I also came to the realisation that my little man gets overtired very quickly and needs to be sleeping much, much more.  He was still catching up on all the hours he missed and was being decidedly unco-operative all afternoon.  I guess I just thought that if he was tired, he would go to sleep.. douche.  Baby's need to be settled to get to sleep and because he was so overtired, he wasn't settling, therefore he wasn't sleeping.  I just had to get him to calm down enough to get some good slepep and then be a better Mummy at making him go to sleep more often!

Unfortunately we had Juffin's work Christmas BBQ on Friday night so not great timing but you have to do these things.  We ventured out hoping that someone would fall asleep in the car... denied.  We then tried rocking, wrapping, and pushing in the pram.  Again denied.  I mean he wasn't a holy terror, just grizzly crying and general discontentedness, not screaming the house down unhappiness.  The Mushroom just didn't want to be put down in his pram, he just wanted heaps of cuddles, whilst nearly yawning his face off and continuing to fight sleep.  In the end I sat in the car breastfeeding for most of the evening which was tremendous fun.

After that, I decided that I was going to try to get into some sort of a routine and make sure that he was getting lots of good sleep, because at that time, he obviously wasn't!  Unfortunately that meant that rest of our social plans for the weekend went out the window but for our sanity, and Mushroom's wellbeing, it had to done!  We have now established a bedtime routine, play, bath, songs and cuddles, feed, sleep.  And it's working!  The Mushroom is drifting off to sleep alone and settling himself and, the best part, is going straight back to sleep after his 1.30am feed!!!  I'm so happy I could die.  Seriously.

All of you cross your fingers and toes for us that the good sleeping continues!

Mushroom Burrito anyone?!  

Next time:  Poo, poo, and more bloody poo!

Dark Day

Yesterday was a dark day. Actually, the whole 24 hour period was pretty dark. Juffin and I had a stupid argument, the Mushroom wouldn't sleep, the house looks like a bomb hit it and we can't seem to get into any kind of routine at all.

Tuesday evening commenced with the Mushroom being overtired.  He's starting to rebel re having sleeps during the day.  He was fine in the morning and then we tried that stupid Baby Bjorn and it went downhill from there.  Mushroom just won't settle and when he finally does, only sleeps for half an hour or so, not good enough.  This makes for an unmanageable little Mushroom.  So Juffin gets home and we have an evening of struggle.  I start tea whilst he has cuddles, he finishes tea whilst I feed the Mushroom.  We then take turns eating our dinner.  Which sucks.  As dinner is pretty much the only time of the day where we can connect as adults. Up until now we have managed to get Mushroom into bed by 8-9pm and we wait so we can eat dinner together.  This isn't happening anymore.  And it's shite.

I'm already upset because I can't get the Mushroom down to sleep and I feel pretty stupid re the Baby Bjorn thing.  When we're finally both in bed, exhausted and drained, I stupidly bring up something that shouldn't be discussed just before bed and we get into it.  I'm in tears, and whilst we don't go to sleep angry and all is forgiven, I feel absolutely crap.

1.30am rolls around, only 2 hours after Juffin and I have had our disagreement, and the Mushroom wakes up.  I have the light very dim, no talking, little eye contact and we do our feed quietly.  He drifts back to sleep and I try to put him back into his hammock.  He's not having a bar of it.  2 hours of 'it's ok, Mummy's here' (read 'I'm going to throw you at the wall if you don't go to f-ing sleep soon!') sh shush SHHHH'ing and a very grizzy Mushroom finally passes out.  I then cry myself to sleep as I'm so exhausted, my boobs are dry, my eyes may as well be too.

Less than 2 hours later, the Mushroom is awake again and I actually throw my fist in the sky and say for fuck's sake, quite loudly.  I thought that shit was an exaggeration, that people really didn't do stuff like that only said they did to make their point.  But I did it.  That shit is real.  I'm totally spent.  I must be the worst mother in the world!  My eyes are practically glued together, my wrists hurt from holding the Mushroom's head up to my boob, I have a sore back from carrying him and rocking him back to sleep and I just want at least 2 hours more of sleep.  Of course, this doesn't happen.  It's like mad mushroom sense and he can tell that I'm mad/frustrated at him and he refuses to co-operate in spite.  I mean, I know this isn't true but far out dude!  What's that book that everyone was laughing about last year?  I love you but go the fuck to sleep?!

Juffin gets up and goes to work in a bit of a daze, having not gotten much more sleep than I have.  We're not fighting any more, and it's all resolved but I'm still emotional and teary when he leaves for work.  I'm sitting on the couch, feeding (as per usual!) and the tears are rolling down my face.  In my infinite wisdom (read moronic stupidity) I get on Google and check out some sites re getting baby to sleep and unmanageable 5 week old's.  As I sit there, crying and feeding my son, I am horrified to learn that according to the internet, I really could be the worst fucking mother on the planet.  I may not be doing anything correctly at all!!  I had my suspicions that I was a bit crap, but to see it there, on the internet, far out!

Insert the following disclaimer here: I would like to add that today, as I'm writing this, I'm aware that I was totally over-reacting and once again, showing inherent stupidity by taking the words of strangers and not professional people which are probably utter bullshit to heart.  Google, once again, is not my friend.  Will I ever learn?!    

We are doing demand feeding, ie when the Mushroom indicates signs of hunger, I feed him.  This is generally every 2.5 to 4 hours.  Except in the evening when he wants to feed on and off for a couple of hours until bedtime.  According to numerous websites and baby books, we should have a well established routine which goes something like this: feed, play then sleep.  However, my Mushroom wants to feed, play for only 5 or 10 minutes, feed, then sleep, if I can get him to sleep at all.  I mean he's hungry, I'm not going to deny him food because he's hungry! I'm also not going to let my 5 week old son, cry himself to sleep.  He's 5 weeks old.  He doesn't know anything and crying is his only way of communicating with me.

In tears I send an SOS text to my girlfriend and contact the child health clinic and book in for some new parent sessions.  With help on the way, I go to make myself a giant coffee, only to find that the Juffin has consumed all the f-ing milk again.  Pissed is an understatement.  My girlfriend will be around to rescue me soon, but in the meantime I put on my sneakers, put the crying mushroom in the pram and we hit the road.  When in doubt, walk it out.  Or walk to the shops so you can buy some fricking milk so you can make yourself a giant coffee and think about ways of dismembering your wonderful boyfriend who leaves you with no fricking milk in the morning....

After 5 minutes in the pram the Mushroom is out to it, and I'm feeling a little better.  We motor up to the shops and back, milk in hand, and I have a lovely shower and start to feel a little better.  My girlfriend comes out with smiles and a sympathetic ear and it becomes clear, once again, that I may be an irrational moron.  There is no right or wrong way to parent, you just have to do what works for you and your bubba.  Of course, it's always someone else who is the voice of reason.  Looking back, I just feel stupid, but that's what being a new Mummy is all about.  Sleep deprivation and jumping to ridiculous conclusions.  Oh and raising a kid and all that shiz... Yes that is my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek.

Fighting sleep in the pram

The Mushroom still fought sleep yesterday, all damn day the boy refused to sleep more than 20 mins at a time, but I felt that little bit better about myself.  I tried to remain calm, stayed away from Google and when 4pm rolled around I just put him in the pram again and off we went. I mean at least he's getting a little bit of sleep in there, and coincidentally, the bottle shop is only 500 metres away!  After the day I'd had, I deserved a red wine!  We managed to get him into bed by 8.30pm and he slept much better. He had his usual 1.30am feed but, holy cow, straight back to sleep!  And don't fall off your chair people, but he then slept through to 6.30am!!  Woohoo!  I'm trying not to jinx myself but I even managed to get him down for a sleep this morning and he's been out to it for 2 hours now.  Super awesome!!

Next time: We're attempting to attend some parties over the weekend and I'm hopefully purchasing a second hand jogger pram so we can start revving up the exercise - will keep you all posted!