13 Jul 2013

Breadcrumbs

I started back at work 2 weeks ago.  Hence my prolonged blogging absence.  I apologise!  This working Mummy business takes a bit of organising!

I'm only working part time, 4 hours per day, so it's really over in a flash.  I feel like I get there and then I have to pack up and go home.  Which is fantastic!  I'm not there long enough to get bored or get annoyed with people, I just get in, do my work, have a chat with adult person's then I leave and pick up my very cuddly son.... who is also coping very well indeed.

Which brings me to this...  Is it bad that I didn't cry?  Not when I dropped him off the first time at the MIL's house, not when I dropped him off to family daycare for the first time?  Not even after the first two weeks when it finally sank in that I was back at work?  Does that make me a bad mother?  I felt really anxious that first week and he was really sooky but seems to have bounced back now and hardly seems to notice when I leave him!  I think I feel bad about not feeling worse, does that make sense?

Unfortunately not returning to work wasn't an option for us.  I would have loved to have stayed home with Mushroom forever and play games, sing songs, and make a mess of the house together but the cold hard facts are, we're still renting, Juffin doesn't make a lot of money, we still have car loans to pay off, and the cost of living is ridiculous.  Our last electricity bill was $700!  Since having the Mushroom we have definitely cut back on frivolous spending, but you just can't run a household on the amount of money we had leftover after taking care of all the big stuff.  And believe me, we tried!  We were down to breadcrumbs.

After successfully gaining a part-time position with my awesome employer, there really was no way I could put it off any longer.  So here I am, gainfully employed and being a Mummy. Instead of dwelling on my guilt I'm proud that I'm helping my family by putting food on the table and being able to buy medicine if my son is sick.  And that helps.  Because what the hell else are you going to do?

Kisses after work :-)