25 Jun 2013

Mythbusters

There are a few things that you genuinely believe are true about motherhood until you actually become a mother, then they're busted.  As in the Mythbusters, myth busted.

And I hate the Mythbusters by the way as one of them, can't remember which one, Jamie or Adam, but one of them looks like an ex beau of mine and that reminds me of a time in my life that I'm not particularly proud of.  Not because of the ex, but the way I saw myself and the treatment that I put up with.  Not like violent treatment, just not very nice or loving or appreciative and sadly I thought that I couldn't do any better so kept returning to that particular person WAAYYY longer than I should have.  

And they're annoying as hell.  The Mythbusters.  The ex beau is also annoying, but I was mostly talking about the Mythbusters.  And I really dislike that guy Tory on the show.  I mean, Tory is not really a boy's name is it?  Not that I care that his name is Tory, that has nothing to do with him being super annoying, just that it's weird, no?  And that chick Kari!  She's super annoying too!

Hmm as per usual neurotic personality type took over and I've spent this whole post talking about how I  really don't like the Mythbusters instead of talking about motherhood myths that have been busted for me!

Myth:  Breastfeeding will help you lose weight/baby weight.
Fact:  This may be the case for some women but I'm yet to see a real, actual, woman that I know lose weight through breastfeeding.

Myth:  Your love for your child will make up for the lack of sleep/sex/alone time.
Fact:  Whilst not strictly untrue, you do feel really tired all day long and long for the time before you were stupid enough to fall pregnant.

Myth:  Babies make couples closer.
Fact:  Ok. No-one actually believes that anyway but just thought I'd make sure that y'all know that that shit is a damn lie!

Myth:  Cloth nappies are hard.
Fact:  Doing the washing is hard period.  That's as hard as it has to be.

Myth:  You will love your child instantly.
Fact:  I didn't.  It took a few days and then that whole weird maternal, motherly thing kicked in.  I'm not sure if that's because of the cesarean or I'm just a stone cold bitch.  Probably the latter.
(ok this isn't strictly a fact but it is relevant to me, and this is my blog, about me and my life, so there!)

Myth:  It's easy to be a stay at home mum.
Fact:  Nothing is fucking easy about being a stay at home mum.

Myth:  You will stick by your principals and never co-sleep/use a dummy/have ABC kids on/pooh with the door open/wipe snot off your childs face with your fingers.
Fact:  Obviously you do all of the above and more awful, disgusting, ridiculous things because you're a Mother now and as if any childless person would understand!

Myth:  Your life does not have to change just because you've had a baby.
Fact:  You're an idiot.

"You're crazy Ma!  Mythbusters is a REALLY GOOD SHOW!"