25 Jan 2016


Hi, my name is Jessica and I'm shit with money.

There, I said it.

I bemoan our lack of funds ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. But the sad reality is that we have plenty of money. We just waste it.  On crappy take out, on coffee's, on other bloody useless shit and I have no idea where it goes!  What are we doing wrong?  How can this and this equal minus this?

So I write things down.  You know, on paper, because I'm over 30 and that's how I roll.  It looks great.  Things add up.  We should have enough money to pay all our bills and save some as well... except we don't.

We have an amazing account with QCCU that makes sure all our bills are paid. I pay the rent on time, childcare, petrol in cars... I grab a few things at the supermarket.  I grab a coffee, a sandwich, buy a shirt from KMart and suddenly there's $2.47 in the account and I have no idea what happened.  I'd blame Juffin but honestly, we're both totally shit.  Me mostly.  There is no-one to blame but myself.

So heading into maternity leave for the second time, I thought it best to plan a little bit.  You know, because we have lots of time left for financial planning... ahem.  I told you, I'm shit.  We have made the decision that I'll take my maternity leave at half pay so I'll be able to stay home longer with Baby Beet and the Mushroom.

I work 20 hours per week.  That means I'll be getting paid 20 hours per fortnight.  For 16 weeks.

Good God.  What have I done?!

I know, I know. I'm a melodramatic lunatic.  Of course it can be done.  People live on a hell of a lot less.  And it's not like I'll be spending up big whilst stuck on the couch with a toddler whingeing at my feet and a baby stuck to my chest will I?

To facilitate our lean weeks ahead, I've started grocery shopping online so we can stick to budget and get the freezer and pantry all stocked up.  It's been two weeks and I don't think my pantry has ever been this full of food!  I'm aiming to spend about $150 a week now to prepare for the apocalypse and I do my own version of meal planning so sticking to a food budget should be fine... famous last words.

I will be packing the Juffin a lunch box (I do not do this already because he's a grown ass man but seriously?!) and he will be banned from buying sushi and subway for the foreseeable future.

My pantry.  Yes.  It's a mess. I like it that way and I can find everything.

I've re-stocked all my cloth nappies and wipes, which was expensive but will save us thousands in the long run, disposables cost a bloody fortune!  In this instance, I'm grateful for the age gap as the Mushroom is mostly toilet trained and I cannot even imagine having to wash double the amount of nappies!  I don't want to jinx myself, but hopefully breastfeeding is as easy as it was last time around.

I'm trying to put a few bucks extra away now but I can't help feeling like it's too little too late.  I know that the old adage 'the more you have, the more you spend' is true so I guess we'll be forced into not spending because we literally won't have anything to spend.  If we can do this, then there's no reason why we can't finally get fucking married and buy a damn house!

Aside from the above, I'm open to tips, suggestions, advice.  I have reviewed all of our insurances recently and can't save any money there but I could use practical, workable ideas to save some dough.

On an unrelated note, I found a pram that I really REALLY REALLY NEED TO HAVE!  It's second hand.  It's in great condition.  It's less than a year old.  It's all I ever dreamed of in a pram.... But it's $400!!  Where can I find $400?  Will someone buy it for me?  Should I set up a gofundme account?  If everyone who reads my blog bought me a piece of that pram for $2, then I'd only have to pay for half...

The above is a joke.

Sort of.

I actually considered begging you guys for money.

I can't sell that many cupcakes.

But I would make you food if you did.

No seriously.  Don't do that....