6 May 2016


Breastfeeding ya'll.  Can I get a hell yeah?!

I feel guilty.  Despite my traumatic and totally complicated birthing stories, I have managed to breastfeed both of my children with ease.

I know, I suck, or at least my children do.  Oh come on, that was funny!!  (insert laughing face emoji here, which is my favourite emoji of all).

The facts are that I did not get one cracked nipple.

I had no bleeding.

No dramas with tongue ties or latching.

No issues with supply at all aside from doubting myself at the beginning with Mushroom but then realised being nutcase new mother and got over it.

I am literally a cow.

To prove above statement, Miss Molly has put on 430gms since birth which means that my boobs are officially full of protein powder. Go super boobs!

But fuck me ladies, there are literally no clothes that are attractive, or comfortable for breastfeeding mothers.

I am not a small woman.  My boobs are quite large, the girls are more than a handful, and do you think that I can find anything decent to wear so I can breastfeed in style?  The answer to that question is no.

Firstly, I'm not fucking pregnant anymore.  I don't need a MATERNITY dress, I need a BREASTFEEDING dress.  Which basically just needs to be a wrap dress, or a stretchy v neck that I pull across and whip the ladies out with ease.

But there are LITERALLY NONE!

When I actually did find breastfeeding tops they are ugly and overpriced.  Like I'm going to pay $69 for a tshirt that has holes in the boobs?!  And those holes are too small for my giant chesticles anyway!

Frustrating is a word.

I tell you, if I could sew, the world for breastfeeding mothers who like wearing t-shirts that don't cost one bajillion dollars, would be a better place!

Look at this hideous thing that I picked up from Target.

Just LOOK!

It's the WORST!  I look like a saggy titted, navy striped whale!

AND it's already lost it's shape and stretched out and looks like a sack.

AND it also costs $30 when not on sale.

That is FUCKING bullshit man!

Breastfeeding in public is challenging enough without having to look ugly whilst doing it.

Please help me.  Mum and I went to every store we could on Thursday and there were NO breastfeeding shirts anywhere.  Kmart didn't even have singlets in a colour I would wear (I don't do marle grey) but any other colour is just fine.

I know I'm large Marge, but honestly, I care about how I present myself.  I'm not going outside looking like a hobo just so I can breastfeed my daughter.  I will sweat to death and wear a singlet underneath a normal shirt so I can do the whole lift and swoop if need be.

So help me.


If you see a nursing top ANYWHERE, online or instore, please let me know!  The God's would be forever in your favour.

And I'm not a total cheapskate, if it's a nice top, I would pay accordingly.  Please and Thank-You.

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