Balloon

Kids say the darnedest things right?

I've been feeling a bit woeful about my fat arse of late.  Well fat everything of late.  I still look like I'm about to give birth and I actually gave birth 7.5 months ago.

Sure the hernia isn't helping but neither is the extra weight that I put on, AFTER having a baby.

Whoever said breastfeeding helps you lose weight is full of shite.

Anyway, a tight budget and even tighter pants, have made me pull in the reigns.  I've started working out again and banished potato chips from the house.

God I love potato chips.

Today Mushroom and I were swimming in our lagoon like pool and I was doing some water resistant exercises because old, fat and dodgy knees, make water exercises a very good option.

"Mummy what are you doing?"

"I'm just doing some stretching and exercises."

"But why?  Don't you need your conmuter?"

I've been doing workouts from youtube on the back patio.

"No darling.  I'm just doing some exercises under the water today. It's too hot out there now and Molly's asleep"

"But why you doing exercises?"

"Because exercise is good for you.  Remember?  We all need to do exercise.  Besides Mummy needs to make her bum smaller."

"But I like your bum Mummy.  It's like a big air balloon."

Followed by 5 minutes of cackling and continued variations of the following:

"Big air balloon, big air balloon bum, bum balloon, air balloon bum, BALLOON BUM...."

I weighed myself tonight and I've not lost a single gram.  Not one after three weeks of being active and not stuffing food into my face mindlessly.

That coupled with the fact that my arse is a giant balloon was enough to drive me to eat peanut m&ms.  

Tomorrow is another day.

Peanut M&M's wouldn't melt.... 

Offended

Today I visited one of the large shopping centres and spent half an hour hanging out in the parent room.  As breastfeeding mother's are wont to do.

Anyway, as I was changing Molly's bum, I noticed this delightful sign on the wall.

Rude!!

Pharmaceutical companies have got a lot of freaking nerve man!  Way to prey on a woman's sensitivities arseholes!  Imagine a new mother, feeling frumpy, tired, dealing with a newborn and feeling a bit shit about her baby weight, and she looks up from changing her baby and see's that?!

If you can't read it, here's a close up with my gorgeous, indignant face.

Diet and Exercise not enough?  Take some drugs that'll mess with your heart!

I've blogged about post baby body image before and you can catch up here if you like.  Women, actually, men AND women, it's not limited to sex, they don't need to see this stuff.

Ever!

This may come as a surprise but guess what?!  People who are fat, know that they are fat!!  They know!!  They have to get up and see their fatness every damn day!  So seeing ads like this around, doesn't actually help anyone.  Fat people know what their options are, and if they don't, THEY'LL SPEAK TO THEIR DOCTOR, because that's what people do when they have a health issue, or google, but you get my drift.  They definitely don't need an ad on a bathroom wall to prompt them to do it. Or, if your Doctor is on the ball, they will say, hey, you're too fat, let's do something about it!!

My point is that, in this case, mother's struggling with wriggling baby's at the change station under the unflattering lighting of a large shopping centre do not need to see these ads, AND, as a fatty and a new mother I'm annoyed because this stupid ad is just another reason for me to feel shit about myself.  For all women to feel shit about themselves.

So thanks for that inova.

Thanks for ruining an otherwise lovely day.

You dicks.

Body

Let's talk about post baby bodies.

For some reason the media thinks that we care about celebrities who got back to PRE-BABY FABULOUSNESS in less than 2 HOURS post partum.  Clearly a minor exaggeration, but you feel me right?

The thing is that, we really fucking don't.

Seriously.

It's shit.

So stop doing that please media juggernauts, it's making mother's everywhere feel shithouse, cheers.

I have never had, what anyone would call, a fabulous body.  But I will go with the standard, it's pretty fabulous because at some point or another it carried three babies and it's currently keeping one of those baby's alive.  On it's own.  With the milk that my body produces.  In my boobs.

See, that's awesome.

But that still doesn't help me feel better when I go to try on breastfeeding shirts (see previous post) and it's not my boobs that are the problem for once, but my protruding, swollen, hideous, guts.  It's like I'm still pregnant.  I'm only 4kg away from pre-pregnancy weight but I feel like I'm so much wider around the middle.  I don't remember being this swollen after having the Mushroom.

I've only had the courage to look at my scar once and it made me feel sick so I haven't since then.  We don't have full length mirrors, praise Jesus, so it's easy to avoid looking at it.  But there's like a shelf there now.  It's bloody horrendous.

My boobs are saggier than ever and hang down by my waist, despite wearing a bra 24/7.  My feet are all dry and crusty because I'm barefoot at home all the time.  I have permanent black shadows, hairy armpits and my brows look like Ernie's.

Let's be honest, I probably feel bad about this because I see pictures, in the media, of women who weigh 47kg, looking amazeballs mere moments after having children and I just wanted to remind myself that it's total bullshit.

We raise our hairy brows to your post-baby body bullshit!

I have a daughter now. I want to instil some good feelings about her body.  I want her to focus on being strong, and smart and funny and kind.  Because these things matter, not how fast you can get back to your pre-baby body.  Who gives a flying fuck about that!