Week Ten

It's the 11th of March already!  That means in a mere month my baby girl turns 2.

Disorganised much? 

I've decided to bite the bullet and buy her a pram and a baby because it's all she really loves to play with.  I don't know why I have a problem with it, I just do. But I have to get over it because everything is bubba, even poor Batman, so let's just give the girl what she wants!

My do poo's Mummy

I had my heart set on a timber pram but they're so expensive so I'll see how my online shopping goes.  Anyone with the hot tips, hit me up! 

We've started being a bit more pro-active with the toilet training now that we've over our upset tummy from last week.

She is really keen on the potty but does need some encouragement of the sugared variety.

Lollies have been working a treat.

Yes.  I'm that parent.

School has really ramped up the ever increasing passage of time.

We're going into week 8 next week, have to pick times for Teacher Parent interviews, school photos and Mushroom is writing actual words on paper and reading things. 

Like really.  Today he's been drawing ghosts on everything and running around 'scaring' people.  He then wrote 'gost' on a piece of paper because he just sounded it out and he "just worked it out Mum". 

Genius

I was, and am, equal parts flabbergasted and chuffed.

He's clearly a genius.

Later on I told him all about the silent h and showed him how to spell ghost properly but he was so excited and proud and quickly rewrote it so it was right. 

Proud Mama right here. 

Mushroom also had his first school disco.  I'm not sure I was prepared for the level of screaming that I was privy too, nor the headless chicken running around that they all did, but it was hilarious and fun and I got to meet Mushroom's little friend's mum.  Who seems really lovely.  And normal. 

Bit disappointing really. 

Hahah.  Just kidding!  It's great that Max has made such a nice little mate.  It was my worst fear that he would be unhappy and have no-one to talk to. 

Unfortunately they're going away for school holidays so no play dates there, but hopefully Juffin will find things for them to do.  He's taking some holidays so I don't have to.

The disco was hilarious and I almost got out of there without having to buy one of those stupid light up noisy toys but alas 10 minutes before home time he found out that they were selling them at the tuckshop and I couldn't say no because I'm a sucker. 

Work has been quite trying this week.  It always is at this time of year.  Health insurance goes up and people get angry.  I get it.  I'm angry too.  I have it and wonder, just like you, what the point is, but what's the alternative?  I waited for 18 months to have a hernia repair.  Which was probably minor to start with but ended up being major surgery and I had to have 6 weeks off work.  I couldn't drive.  I couldn't pick up my kids.  I couldn't do the bloody washing.  My Mum had to come and help and it was actually a blessing that Juffin wasn't working at the time otherwise we would have been screwed. 

I mean I had a fucking drain in my guts for 4 weeks.  Talk about nightmare.  If we'd had the money, I would have had that damn operation privately whilst I was still on maternity leave.  And therein lies the problem, the Medicare Scheduled Fee is too low and the Dr's charge heaps more and unfortunately the person left paying that gap is the patient.  It sucks.  I wish I knew what the answer is, but I don't. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because we work in the industry, doesn't mean we don't understand what you're going through.  Our premium is going up too.  Not our wage.  Those wait times at the public hospital are not made up or fear mongering, they're long.  It's fact.  If you are calling to compare, then have some info ready so the people on the other end of the phone can assist you.  Like the name of your cover, the cost, the rebate level you're on, the things that you're interested in being covered for. All this info helps out that person immensely. You have no idea!

Juffin started back at uni this week. He's been buying text books and whingeing about our shitty internet for a week now.  Only 11 more to go! 

Lols

I started a 30 mins for 30 days workout challenge that I found on youtube and tonight made 7 days straight!  I did the hill this morning but the video for today was just a stretch/yoga session.  It was the perfect end to a hectic week and made me realise how inflexible I am!  With practice I'll get there.  I am 36 after all.  Bonus is that now I can actually see the difference in my body and am keener than ever to get fitter, stronger and healthier! Hooray for feeling good about myself and finally looking after my poor, neglected temple.

Frustrated

I just spent 45 minutes crying over my phone because my body is fucking stupid and can't get it's shit together.

On Thursday last week I opened a letter from the Townsville Hospital saying that I have been assessed and placed on a Category 3 Wait List. 

For an appointment. 

Within 365 days.

That's a fucking year.

If I'm then seen for my appointment and they deem, again, that I'm still a category 3, then I will go on a surgery waiting list, and be seen for surgery, within 365 days. 

Another year. 

I could literally be waiting for two years to have this stupid cyst removed, in which time I will suffer ridiculously painful periods, bloating, random painful attacks and increased emotional stress because my body is shit and there's nothing I can do about it.

Best case scenario at this point is that it will probably burst and I'll have to have emergency surgery.  Which is always heaps of fun. 

I had this grand plan.  I thought I could go and see a Doctor in Brisbane and have the treatment privately but after doing some pretty thorough research, it looks like none of the Doctors in Brisbane participate in health fund schemes either so I'm literally screwed.  I may as well stay here and pay the exorbitant fees because at least I'm supporting the local economy right?

Right?

I'm so upset and disappointed with myself.  Disappointed with my useless fat body. 

I feel like this could have somehow been avoided, like this is my fault.  That I've brought this on myself for being fat and lazy and it's caused my stupid girl organs to malfunction or something.

Like I'm being punished for 18 years of laziness and poor food choices. 

Does being fat make you more susceptible to ovarian cysts?

Does being fat make your periods painful and awful and heavy?  So much so that your iron is so low and you're exhausted most of the time? 

Is it because I smoked cigarettes for years?

Is it because I binge drank anything and everything all throughout my twenties?

Is it because I lied to my parents when I was a teenager?

Is it because I have an unhealthy addiction to the popcorn?

Juffin has just said that we'll get a loan to cover the gap fees for the procedure and I'll just do it in the new year.  We just don't have a few thousand dollars for emergencies.  We just don't have a few thousand dollars.  This is our reality.

In the meantime, I'll just try not to wallow and dwell on how shit my stupid body is. 

Fork

I've had a shitty few days.  Ok make that weeks.

Just to recap:

Newborn
Recovering from major abdominal surgery
Mushroom turned into a lunatic
Noticed abnormal, tender, swelling in belly
Packed house
Molly had her needles
Doctor's visit
Moved house
Ultrasound
Doctor's visit
Told I have to have surgery again
Mum and Dad left
Bleeding on and off for weeks
Financial woes

Oh

Turned 35.

Seriously.

I have spent the better part of the last week in emotional hell.  I have shed tears every day.  Including my birthday.  But that was because my son smashed me in the head with a stainless steel drink bottle as I wrestled him into his car seat.

I literally have nothing else to give.

Turns out that I have a large hernia following my c-section.  No I wasn't lifting things.  No I wasn't over-doing it. My Doctor seems to think that as I had keyhole surgery just prior to falling pregnant that this may not have healed correctly and this caused the hernia. Regardless of the cause, it needs to be fucking fixed, which means more fucking surgery.

Awesome.

Due to me not working and currently on maternity leave, the irony is that we have health insurance that we can't afford to use as I can't pay the out of pockets that Doctor's will inevitably charge.  We also have an excess. After moving, we're fucking broke, and struggling to get back on top of everything.  So now I'm on a waiting list.

Of all the other shit going on, the thing that upsets me the most is that Mushroom has gone completely nuts (see above birth of sister, moving house, grandparents moving away).  He is acting out.

All.
The.
Time.

His latest thing is trying to pull his sister's head off her shoulders or attempting to detach one of her legs.  He melts down at every little thing and refuses to co-operate or give in.

Ever.

I spend my days alternating between wanting to kill him and yelling my head off, to wanting to cuddle him and tell him I love him as clearly he's finding it all a bit much.  I don't blame him, I feel like crawling into bed for a week.

I know that my son is three and this is all usual three year old behaviour magnified by recent events.  But, FUCK, it's tough.

So the new house is a shambles.  There is literally crap everywhere.  I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks and I just don't care if we eat stale bread and floury apples for all eternity.

Ok, that's not true, I love food and hate floury apples, but honestly folks, I've tried to remain positive and upbeat, but after the few weeks I've had, I'm over it.  Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Can I just chuck it all out?!