6 Jun 2016

Fork

I've had a shitty few days.  Ok make that weeks.

Just to recap:

Newborn
Recovering from major abdominal surgery
Mushroom turned into a lunatic
Noticed abnormal, tender, swelling in belly
Packed house
Molly had her needles
Doctor's visit
Moved house
Ultrasound
Doctor's visit
Told I have to have surgery again
Mum and Dad left
Bleeding on and off for weeks
Financial woes

Oh

Turned 35.

Seriously.

I have spent the better part of the last week in emotional hell.  I have shed tears every day.  Including my birthday.  But that was because my son smashed me in the head with a stainless steel drink bottle as I wrestled him into his car seat.

I literally have nothing else to give.

Turns out that I have a large hernia following my c-section.  No I wasn't lifting things.  No I wasn't over-doing it. My Doctor seems to think that as I had keyhole surgery just prior to falling pregnant that this may not have healed correctly and this caused the hernia. Regardless of the cause, it needs to be fucking fixed, which means more fucking surgery.

Awesome.

Due to me not working and currently on maternity leave, the irony is that we have health insurance that we can't afford to use as I can't pay the out of pockets that Doctor's will inevitably charge.  We also have an excess. After moving, we're fucking broke, and struggling to get back on top of everything.  So now I'm on a waiting list.

Of all the other shit going on, the thing that upsets me the most is that Mushroom has gone completely nuts (see above birth of sister, moving house, grandparents moving away).  He is acting out.

All.
The.
Time.

His latest thing is trying to pull his sister's head off her shoulders or attempting to detach one of her legs.  He melts down at every little thing and refuses to co-operate or give in.

Ever.

I spend my days alternating between wanting to kill him and yelling my head off, to wanting to cuddle him and tell him I love him as clearly he's finding it all a bit much.  I don't blame him, I feel like crawling into bed for a week.

I know that my son is three and this is all usual three year old behaviour magnified by recent events.  But, FUCK, it's tough.

So the new house is a shambles.  There is literally crap everywhere.  I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks and I just don't care if we eat stale bread and floury apples for all eternity.

Ok, that's not true, I love food and hate floury apples, but honestly folks, I've tried to remain positive and upbeat, but after the few weeks I've had, I'm over it.  Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Can I just chuck it all out?!