8 Jan 2013

Here we go again...

I'm wondering what it's like to have one of those baby's that just falls asleep peacefully and quietly.  Like my son does, at bedtime.  But not any other bloody time.  And before anyone tells me again, yes, we've tried the save our sleep.  My sleep doesn't need to be saved.  His does.

Despite a respite of a few days, Mushroom has gone back to his usual catnapping ie sleep for 30-45mins then wake only to be a grizzly guts.  It takes me at least an hour to get him back down and usually about 30 mins in I get the shits and just pick him up play with him for a while.  I know, I know.  It's just so hard to listen to him cry.

Last night I told the Juffin that I was going to try and be tough today and put my foot down.  This morning he woke at 6.15.  We started winding down for 20 mins before nap time around 7.15, so we did a short top up feed, cuddle and into the hammock by 7.30, drowsy but awake.  I then said Mummy loves you, sleepy time and left the room.

Like a nutcase stalker, I then stood outside the door with the stopwatch and cringed inside as my son grizzle, grizzle, grizzled, for about 7 minutes then started crying.  It took all my strength not to go in there and pick him up immediately.  I waited a minute (that's all I could manage :-() and went back into the room.  I hadn't decided that I wasn't going to pick him up until I saw his little face and he stopped crying immediately and smiled.  And then yawned.  Like a lion yawn.  Little shit.  So I just patted his chest, avoided eye contact, did the shushing thing and waited until he stopped crying, said Mummy loves you, sleepy time and left again.  The crying started before I even got to the door this time but I just faked it and kept walking.  I stood by the door for a while and he stopped crying straight away but was still grunting and grizzling so I went and had a bit of toast.

Crying commenced again as I was halfway through my second bit of toast.  I was thinking that I had successfully managed to put him down for a nap and was congratulating myself on being mother of the year... idiocy.  As the crying sounded a bit more urgent I went back into the room and tried the shush pat thing again... which didn't work.  So I picked him up.  Mushroom lets rip with a giant burp and a bit of spewies down my back and calms down again.  Now feel like worst mother in World as he was obviously gassy earlier and I just left him there.  Terrible.  I rock him a bit, do some shushing and pat his bum for a while then put him back in the hammock.  Which he hates but doesn't cry just protests by grizzling a little bit and yawning lion yawns.  Obviously tired!  I'm standing there indecisively then realise I have to leave again so I march out of the room quickly before he can sense my weakness.  Again I hang around outside the door but I can only hear yelps of protest and general grizzliness, no crying so I decide to go and hang the nappies out.

In the time it takes me to hang the nappies out (2 mins max) Mushroom has nuclear meltdown.  Nanny goat screaming is in full swing and I am panicking thinking that I have been outside dilly dallying for ages but check the time and it has literally been 2 minutes.  Obviously my son has inherited my flair for the dramatic.  There's no shush patting these hysterics away.  I pick him up and rock him, murmuring lovely things like Mummy loves you and it's ok etc etc ad nauseum for a minute or two but it's not abating.  There's real tears flowing now and I'm feeling worse and worse for trying to force my baby to go to sleep on his own.  I think I'm making things worse by getting worked up as well so try taking deep breaths as my son continues to scream right next to my ear.  I surrender.  We hop on the bed and I shove my boob in his mouth and there's instant calm.  My son looks up at me as he's furiously sucking away with such pain and anguish that I feel like I've been well and truly played but also that I'm a terrible Mother because I a) gave in and b) I didn't give in sooner.  I can tell it's going to be the worst day ever and it's only 8.15!

I feed him for a little while until he calms down and then hold him until he falls asleep and then finally put him down for a nap.  Take note of the time people.  It took me over an hour to get him down for a nap.  AN HOUR.  He should have been asleep by 7.30 instead it was more like 8.30.  And he'll probably be awake at 9.30!  In fact I just heard cry out then but no noise since... far out.

So this is where I ask for help.  From anyone.  Please.  I don't need help with night sleeping.  Night sleeping is wonderful.  He is only waking for a feed around 3.30-4am now and goes straight back to sleep.  It's the napping I need help with!!  I don't have caffeine in my diet any more, no chocolate and I try to only keep him up for an hour and 15 minutes tops.  However as it takes me so long to get him to nap, this then means he's been up for close to 2 hours and obviously overtired!  I may as well just start trying to put him back to sleep as soon as he wakes up!  It's a stupid vicious cycle.  The weird thing is that he'll sleep when I go out during the day with no worries.  Shopping centre, park.  Just doesn't seem to want to at home or other people's homes.   I wouldn't mind the catnapping if he was fun to play with but he yawns a lot and gets very grizzly very quickly so is obviously tired and needs more sleep.  I'm just not sure where to go from here!

This nap in the beanbag was only 30 minutes 
Next time:  Growth spurts, wonder weeks, developmental phase... wtf?!