3 Jan 2013

Horrendous

Holidays from hell.  Christmas, New Year, a Juffin that's home for two weeks and a Mushroom that won't sleep again.  Welcome to my nightmare.

I'd like to reiterate that I love the Juffin.  He is an amazing man, wonderful lover, awesome friend and fabulous housemate.  He cooks sometimes, he cleans most of the time, he does the bathroom as he know's I hate it.  He does 99% of the washing up and mostly remembers to put his dirty clothes in the basket.  I love him so very much but far out.  This parent thing is hard and I seem to be taking it all out on him!  I can't seem to stop myself.  I'm turning into a heinous bitch!

When baby's get tired, they display tired signs, like whinging, clenching their fists, shoving their fists in their mouths, and kicking their legs etc.  General unhappiness and some yawning are pretty much a dead giveaway.  Adults are like that for crying out loud.  I'm cranky when I'm tired, I yawn a lot, it's not rocket science. The Juffin doesn't know this however, as he is usually at work all day and has so far, missed out on Mad Max's no sleeping BS.  Until now.

Everything had settled into a semi routine around the 8 week mark.  We were getting a good 3 hr sleep in the morning, around 2 hours in the middle of the day and another 45 mins in the late afternoon, gearing up for dinner/bedtime.  The Mushroom was sleeping through til about 3/4am and I was thinking of introducing a dream feed to see if we could push that waking time back to 6/7am.  Then, because the universe likes f-king with me, all hell broke loose, and it's been shite ever since.

We've gone from reasonable naps, to non-existent ones, a clingy whingey baby who cries every time I try to put him down.  A baby who wants to be nursed around the clock.  A baby who is doing my head in.  At first Juffin just thought that he wasn't tired, because, hey, if you're tired, you'll go to sleep, makes sense right?  Unfortunately baby's aren't wired that way.  They need our help to go to sleep.  And they can quickly become overtired, making it harder to get them to sleep.  And then they have mega meltdowns and scream a lot.  Yay... not.

I was so looking forward to Juffin being home from work so we could spend some time together as a family. Our first Christmas as parents, Max being cute and having play time with Daddy during the day, Mum getting some time off to go and do some shopping and get a pedicure or something.  Alas not to be.  I have no idea what is going on.  The Mushroom will not nap and I'm getting more and more stressed out and blaming my man.....

I started this post a few days ago and didn't post it in the hope that things would get better.  Whilst the catnapping has continued, I think I'm a little calmer about the whole situation.  Last night the Juffin and I even went out.  Without the Mushroom!  Juffin's Mum came over and babysat whilst we went out for Thai and a movie.  I put on a dress.  I was nice to my Juffin.  We ate, we talked (about something other than Mushroom!) we held hands, and we watched a great movie.  It was fantastic.  Admittedly I kept checking my phone and wondering if the Mushroom was ok, and we bolted as soon as the credits started rolling but we went out and the sky didn't fall in.

The last couple of weeks have been horrendous for everyone in our little family and but I know now that I should just go with the flow and enjoy this baby stage because he won't need me soon.  I don't know why I get so worked up about things, feeling like I'm doing things the 'wrong' way.  I've always been pretty confident but this baby business is shaking that confidence.  I guess it's the thought that if you stuff up completely now, it might scar him for life.  But I'm not sure that I believe that and I guess I just have to have some faith in myself!

So my New Year's Resolution is that despite reading into things too much, trawling internet forums and talking to other Mum's, I've decided to go with my instincts and stop worrying what everyone else is saying.  I will pick up my baby if he cries.  I will feed him if he wants food, even if it's only been 1.5hrs since his last feed.  I will feed my baby to sleep if that's what he needs.  I will play with him and I will carry him if he doesn't want me to put him down.  If my house looks like a bomb site as a result then so be it.  He's not going to be a baby forever and maybe he just needs me right now.  The awesome little man didn't wake up last night for a feed until 4.45am.  With no 'sleep training' at all, he is nearly sleeping through.  He's happy, putting on weight, smiling lots and this week he's starting to roll over!  At the end of the day my little boy is doing just fine, and if he doesn't want to sleep for very long, then I just have to deal with it!

Snoozing on Dad!  
 

Next time: Speaking the Mushroom's language!