Alarm goes off early but I'm shattered after staying up too late watching Call the Midwife. I hit dismiss and roll back over.
Kids come in and crawl all over us, I have work at 9 so I get up, make breakfast and coffee, shower, make-up, facebook, realise the time, freak out and leave...
Finish work at 4.30 and rejoice that it's my only work day of the week however the alternative is staying home with demanding children and yelling...
Get home and house looks like bomb hit it, Juffin cooking sausages (it's meat free Monday) and there crap everywhere. Too tired to yell. Get dressed and do my work out, almost die.
Dinner turns out to be chilli sausages so everyone has a shit fit. I think they're delicious but Juffin is blaming me for not telling him that there were chilli sausages in there.. I totally forgot. Whoops.
Get kids into bed, tidy up kitchen, folding washing...
Kids in my bloody bed again for half the night
I don't have to be anywhere so I do my work out whilst the kids watch TV
I give in and make pancakes as they keep nagging
Hang washing out
Realise at 9.30 that I will murder children if we don't get out of the house so spend 45 minutes packing food and locating hats, shoes and sunscreen to go to the fucking park
Stop at chemist warehouse on way to park, transfer dollars into account but account is overdrawn so card won't work. Kids are yelling about wanting jelly beans and pulling shit off the shelves. Transfer more money onto a different card whilst hissing at children under my breath. Card works.
Pack kids back into car and fight with insane toddler who has started planking when entering car seat and screaming at top of lungs. Ready to pack it in and go home without even visiting park. Realise that I haven't had coffee which is affecting my ability to cope but have just wrangled kids back into car and don't want to repeat experience. Macca's coffee it is. Card wont' work again.
Use other card. Juffin going to kill me.
Get to park! Finally!
Extricate bikes, bags, hats, put shoes back on toddler, apply sunscreen, unload scooter and children, converge on park.
Managed to get table sit down, yelled at by Mushroom who wants to sit elsewhere, have to stop myself from telling him to fuck off and eat a bag of dicks and instead smile sweetly and tell him that he's welcome to sit wherever he likes... he stomps over and throws helmet onto table knocking over my untouched coffee and spilling it all over me and the floor.
I almost cry.
Again I have to stop myself from telling him to fuck off.
My friend and her kids come and join us. It's glorious. It would be better with coffee.
Her Dad does a coffee run. Day improves immensely.
Leave park around 12.30 and head home
Small child slept well, big smaller child chilled and watched TV. I got organised with dinner for family as I was heading out
Went out for dinner with friends. Had korean food. Was amazing. Love girlfriends, love cocktails, wish I could drink more of them... got home after 11.30. Totally shagged.
Molly is back at daycare, huzzah!
Up at 6.30 and get organised, pack lunchboxes, and get sorted for the day. Mushroom and I are off to do the hill. He has dressed himself and filled his camel pack with cold water. He can be the most adorable human.
Drop Molly off and head to hill. Whingeing starts 2 mins in but as soon as we hit the track he's fine and literally running rings around me. The track is not as bad as I think it will be until we hit the last 600m which consists of neverending stairs. Stairway of death. Manage to survive but not sure how.
On way down it starts raining and we get a bit wet but it's so nice to hang out with my little big boy, he's hilarious.
We get home and he refuses to shower but I definitely.do. We get changed and I drop him off at his mates place for a few hours whilst I get some shopping done.
I wait for 25 minutes for a coffee that is too hot to drink for 30 minutes.
I wander aimlessly around the shops looking for inspo to buy for my daughter for her birthday. Nothing looks good.
Think about having lunch at shops but can't justify spending the money so I buy a piece of steak and bananas (always bananas) and head home.
Mushroom is having a ball so I eat my lunch and then possibly fall asleep on the couch for an hour and a half.
When I wake up, I make cupcakes for my friends' daughter's birthday on the weekend and Molly's kindy birthday the next day. It's already 4pm so I go and pick up the kids and head home to make dinner. I'm feeling lazy so make fish cakes with a tin of tuna and leftover mashed potato and pair it steamed vegies and cheesy pasta for the kids. It's a big hit. Sometimes you have a win.
Bring washing in, fold and put away, vow to clean the floor tomorrow, frost Molly's cupcakes and clean up my baking mess and pack Molly's lunchbox. Tell Juffin to put the dishwasher on before he goes to bed, fall asleep before 10.
"It my Birthday today Mum? My birthday?"
No Molly, not today.... poor darling has no concept of time. It's not even 6am...
Juffin drops Molly off so I put Mushroom to work and we pick up all the shit from the floor and I vacuum. Ok. I used the movies as bribery but it totally worked. We don't have time to mop before I leave but at least I can see the floor again and there aren't toys covering every visible surface. It's a rush to get dressed, locate shoes, and then fight about wearing appropriate clothes that aren't stained, or holey, or both... must do wardrobe clean out and get out the door on time.
Get to cinema only to be told that there is a vacation group in our session and seats are limited. I'll be damned if I have to sit down the front so I race in and nab seats next to another Mum and her daughter. Movie is dry and hilarious and very British. Goes straight over Mushroom's head. Worst ways to kill 90 minutes.
We hit the shops and get lots of stuff for Molly. Mushroom is savvy shopper and assists by pointing out all the things he'd like for himself and pleading with me that he really needs them right now. Realise again that I've left the house without coffee and wonder who the fuck I have become. We get sushi and coffee and stuff our faces. Manage to get home by 2 and have a little down time before going to pick her up. I get the mopping done and hang the rest of the washing.
Pick Molly up. Get home, start dinner, consider getting takeaway but decide to be good, and we have taco's. I love Taco's.
Stay up late with Juffin and Mushroom wrapping presents and getting organised for the big girl's day. Message my friend to see if she wants to meet for gelato, and so glad that she does.
Crawl into bed some time after 11. Realise that I haven't done any exercise today
Molly is up at the crack of dawn and is the most excited cherub ever.
Can't believe we've had her for two whole years. Can't believe time has flown by. Get emotional and wish she could be a baby forever but love her walking, talking, sassy self.
Make pancakes for breakfast, dress children, fight with Mushroom about wearing appropriate footwear. Can't be bothered fighting. Too tired. Realise that it's raining and washing still on line. Don't care.
Miraculously, remember to take chicken out of freezer.
Pack up snacks and jump in car, late, head to the Strand for gelato. Molly insists on bringing her new doll and pram so have to walk at snails pace across the road with small child pushing doll in pram. People think she's adorable. I think she's a pain in my arse.
Meet friend for gelato. Strand is beautiful, kids relatively well behaved. Head down to the park and spend a blissful two hours soaking up the sunshine and not yelling at children.
Head home and birthday girl falls asleep en route. Senior neighbour comes straight over when I get home to return borrowed books and bring present for Molly. She is adorable.
Transfer birthday girl to bed and put a nappy on her, locate more books for neighbour, thank for the present.
Turn TV on for Mushroom and eat some lunch. Fall asleep on the bed for god know's how long. Wake to Mushroom yelling at me that he's going to poo.
Put roast chicken in oven at 4pm. Whip up vegan chocolate cake for tonight. Take kids down to shop to get milk and bread and, you guessed it, bananas. We also need potatoes for roasting. Children are quite well behaved considering and I let them ride the unicorn out the front. They are shit and don't even go up and down. Rubbish.
Get home and put vegies on, do dishes. Go and check clothes and they're still wet. Wash some more clothes and hang out nappies.
Juffin comes home and is greeted with cheers and affection. This never happens to me.
He has alcohol so he is my favourite person today. He entertains children whilst I finish dinner. We eat and have cake. My kids are happy. My daughter is ecstatic. Chocolate cake is her favourite thing in the whole wide world. I still can't believe that she's two.
"It my birthday Mum?"