Week Eighteen

It's May!  May!  WTF

I feel like I repeat myself which this shit weekly, but guys, it's fucking May!  It's week 4 of term 2 already, and we're hurtling towards mid year... What in the world?!

Things I achieved this week:

• Washing Queen
• See amazing portrait paintings for Percival Prize
• Car research
• Sheets washed and changed
• Juffin application writing
• Sister chats
• Hill walking
• Fit into dress haven't been able to wear for 3 years
• Floors
• Flash child free dinner
• Quality family time
• Not die after alcohol consumption

Mushroom is still carrying on for school drop off and citing various reasons for his bullshit behaviour. Have had a few chats with his teacher who's all over it so crossing fingers this is yet another phase and school will improve again.  This morning was more to do with being jealous because Molly and Mum were staying home and he wanted to as well so he could play lego and watch TV.  Don't blame you there mate.  We had a good chat about it, school being his job now etc and obviously life means doing things that may be hard but you'll get to your goal in the end.  And his current goal is become a Scientist, "so I can do 'speriments' all the time".  Brilliant.  Not so brilliant is his behaviour at school because basically he thinks it's fucking social hour over there and talks to anyone who will listen, like will not stop talking.  To anyone.  Teacher included.  And, I'll be really sexist here, like a typical man, cannot seem to multitask and work at the same time so is not getting any work done as a result.  None. 

Ugh.

I know that you all think that this is hilarious given my particular fondness for chit chat.  Talk about chip off the old block! Seriously though, if he doesn't start focusing soon, I will lose my shit.  Juffin and I had a chat tonight and we've decided to limit the TV time to the weekend.  We're both guilty of putting it on when we need some down time and that's a bullshit cop out so we're both going to work on being more present, spending time outside and actually playing.  I will need to hit Kmart for some crafting supplies and we'll set up a little activity corner for them so they can go nuts.  Yes, the cleaning up will suck but maybe they'll have longer attention spans as a result.  One can only try these things but something has to change.  My boy is clever, he just needs to stop talking and focus.... god that feels like karma at work right there!  Haha!

My folks came to visit for the weekend and it was so lovely having them here.  I'm blessed with parents and parents in law that actually want to spend time with their grandchildren.  They happily babysit, even during the week, and luckily we've had a few sleepovers as well.  I know that they've already raised their kids, but they're only too happy to help out when we need.  Some are not so lucky and it's just really sad.  Working full time is exhausting, I get that, but helping out your kids by taking care of your grandkids for a day or two over the school holidays, picking them up from school or daycare, taking them for a night over the weekend so they can get some sleep, that's not too much to ask is it?  Apparently for some it is.  And that fucking sucks.

Art

Best of a bad bunch! Kids did not participate well in photo taking

Exercise has been non-existent after a few late nights trying to get applications done (Juffin), hens party planning, dress shopping, flight booking, finance sorting, washing... it never ends.  We're looking at getting a newer car soon and had to get all our ducks in a row, so fingers crossed we'll find what we're looking for shortly.  To be perfectly honest, my piece of shit car may not survive that long, and it's pretty embarrassing clunking around town in it.  On the positive side, I've yet to be carjacked and can leave it unlocked anywhere I go and no-one even attempts to take anything.  Probably jinxed myself now... 

I did get the hill done with the rents over the weekend, but haven't done an actual work out in almost a week.  I really do just need to get out of bed earlier but my constant late night's lately hasn't helped me there. I've also been plagued by headaches and I think it's directly related to my lax attitude to sugar, namely lollies, and carbs in the last few days.  I almost attempted hill walk with Molly today but couldn't bear to listen to the whingeing.. which really is redundant as listen to her whingeing all day every damn day... ahh 2 year olds, aren't they the best?

Worth the slog up there for this view!

Week Seventeen

I remember when I was a teenager, I went on a ski trip to NZ with my school mates.  I think I was in grade 9 or 10.  Anyway, I bought all my family presents, except my Mum.  I literally didn't even think about getting her something until we were in the airport on the way home, so I got her some shitty soap and some other crap.

My Mum was so upset.  She'd paid for my school trip, organised my bags, dropped me off at the bus, yada yada yada, and I was the ungrateful arsehole who didn't even THINK about buying her a present until we we almost at home, let alone, appreciate all the things that my Mother had sacrificed to send me on that damn trip. I mean, I bought myself Docs on that damn trip.  What an arsehole.

It always makes me super sad and I think about it a lot. Especially because obviously I loved my Mum, but I guess I didn't like her very much.  I was a teenager, she was kind of a hard arse and I felt so misunderstood.  I thought I knew everything and she knew nothing.  Clearly that is totally wrong.  My Mum is amazing, hilarious, smart and strong, and so generous.  Not only do I love her now, I like her heaps.  She's the first person I call if I need someone.  I was just 14 and I thought I knew it all and she couldn't possibly understand what life was like for me.  The fact that I didn't even think about her is clearly the most devastating piece of info above.  Obviously I was a totally selfish bitch.  To be forgotten, not thought of at all, that's the most hurtful thing about it I think.

"My want Daddy"

So why am I writing about this now?  Because my kids don't like me very much.  They prefer their Dad.  I'm the mean Mum who makes them clean up, who yells all day because they won't listen, who makes their food and makes them eat it.  I wash their clothes and make them put them away, I say no when they want to watch TV or a movie, I say no when they want to eat junk, I say get down, when they're using the couch as a launching station...  Obviously Juffin says no too, but I think they just hear me saying it all day every day and that makes me the bad guy. And I'm fucking sick of it and my kids are only little, so I have years and years and YEARS of them hating on me and I feel emotionally scarred already.

Tonight I sat on one side of the table as the kids fought over who sat next to Juffin.  He ended up sitting in the middle whilst they sat on either side.

Yesterday I got home from being out and there was no-one waiting to greet me at the door but whenever Juffin returns from anywhere there is DADDY!  DADDY'S HOME!  DADDDDDYYYYY!  And hysterical jumping and loving.  Me returning home, Hi everyone!  Silence.

Bastards.

Spoilt

I was doing sight words with Mushroom tonight and the word 'Dad' came up.  He goes "Dad's the best and Mum's the poopest" and then laughs hysterically.

I wanted to smack him in his laughing face.

I know that this is all normal.  I know that there has to the favourite and the other one, and I know that my kids love me, but damn, it doesn't feel good to be the other one.  It doesn't feel good at all.

I'm sorry Mum.  I wish I could take back that crappy soap and whatever other stupid thing I gave you.  14 year old Jess needs a smack in the chops.

It's been a hard week culminating in a beer induced migraine last night and I'm feeling just a wee bit flat.  I missed my workout yesterday, I didn't do the hill this morning, I ran out of time to bake and I'm now a day behind with my washing.  Molly has been getting progressively harder to handle and Mushroom's behaviour has not improved.  I can't help but feel like I'm a crappy Mother and when they prefer their father over me, it feels like that's just proving the point.  Especially when you are the one who organises their entire lives. 

What's the solution?  Suck it up Jess. Get over it and get used to it.  Which I will. But I've come here to vent about it in the meantime.  Being a Mum is fucking hard.  Bring on Monday and a fresh outlook.  This week was crap.


 

Week Fifteen

Monday

Alarm goes off early but I'm shattered after staying up too late watching Call the Midwife. I hit dismiss and roll back over. 

Kids come in and crawl all over us, I have work at 9 so I get up, make breakfast and coffee, shower, make-up, facebook, realise the time, freak out and leave...

Work 

Finish work at 4.30 and rejoice that it's my only work day of the week however the alternative is staying home with demanding children and yelling... 

Get home and house looks like bomb hit it, Juffin cooking sausages (it's meat free Monday) and there crap everywhere.  Too tired to yell.  Get dressed and do my work out, almost die. 

Dinner turns out to be chilli sausages so everyone has a shit fit.  I think they're delicious but Juffin is blaming me for not telling him that there were chilli sausages in there.. I totally forgot.  Whoops. 

Get kids into bed, tidy up kitchen, folding washing... 

Tuesday

Kids in my bloody bed again for half the night

I don't have to be anywhere so I do my work out whilst the kids watch TV 

I give in and make pancakes as they keep nagging

Hang washing out

Realise at 9.30 that I will murder children if we don't get out of the house so spend 45 minutes packing food and locating hats, shoes and sunscreen to go to the fucking park 

No sunscreen

Stop at chemist warehouse on way to park, transfer dollars into account but account is overdrawn so card won't work. Kids are yelling about wanting jelly beans and pulling shit off the shelves.  Transfer more money onto a different card whilst hissing at children under my breath.  Card works. 

Pack kids back into car and fight with insane toddler who has started planking when entering car seat and screaming at top of lungs.  Ready to pack it in and go home without even visiting park.  Realise that I haven't had coffee which is affecting my ability to cope but have just wrangled kids back into car and don't want to repeat experience.  Macca's coffee it is.  Card wont' work again. 

Use other card.  Juffin going to kill me. 

Get to park!  Finally! 

Extricate bikes, bags, hats, put shoes back on toddler, apply sunscreen, unload scooter and children, converge on park. 

Managed to get table sit down, yelled at by Mushroom who wants to sit elsewhere, have to stop myself from telling him to fuck off and eat a bag of dicks and instead smile sweetly and tell him that he's welcome to sit wherever he likes... he stomps over and throws helmet onto table knocking over my untouched coffee and spilling it all over me and the floor. 

I almost cry. 

He apologises. 

Again I have to stop myself from telling him to fuck off. 

My friend and her kids come and join us.  It's glorious. It would be better with coffee. 

Her Dad does a coffee run.  Day improves immensely.  

Leave park around 12.30 and head home

Small child slept well, big smaller child chilled and watched TV.  I got organised with dinner for family as I was heading out

Went out for dinner with friends.  Had korean food.  Was amazing.  Love girlfriends, love cocktails, wish I could drink  more of them... got home after 11.30. Totally shagged. 

Wednesday

Molly is back at daycare, huzzah!  

Up at 6.30 and get organised, pack lunchboxes, and get sorted for the day.  Mushroom and I are off to do the hill. He has dressed himself and filled his camel pack with cold water.  He can be the most adorable human. 

Drop Molly off and head to hill.  Whingeing starts 2 mins in but as soon as we hit the track he's fine and literally running rings around me.  The track is not as bad as I think it will be until we hit the last 600m which consists of neverending stairs. Stairway of death.  Manage to survive but not sure how. 

On way down it starts raining and we get a bit wet but it's so nice to hang out with my little big boy, he's hilarious. 

We get home and he refuses to shower but I definitely.do.  We get changed and I drop him off at his mates place for a few hours whilst I get some shopping done. 

I wait for 25 minutes for a coffee that is too hot to drink for 30 minutes.  

I wander aimlessly around the shops looking for inspo to buy for my daughter for her birthday.  Nothing looks good.  

Think about having lunch at shops but can't justify spending the money so I buy a piece of steak and bananas (always bananas) and head home.

Mushroom is having a ball so I eat my lunch and then possibly fall asleep on the couch for an hour and a half.  

When I wake up, I make cupcakes for my friends' daughter's birthday on the weekend and Molly's kindy birthday the next day. It's already 4pm so I go and pick up the kids and head home to make dinner.  I'm feeling lazy so make fish cakes with a tin of tuna and leftover mashed potato and pair it steamed vegies and cheesy pasta for the kids.  It's a big hit.  Sometimes you have a win.  

Bring washing in, fold and put away, vow to clean the floor tomorrow, frost Molly's cupcakes and clean up my baking mess and pack Molly's lunchbox.  Tell Juffin to put the dishwasher on before he goes to bed, fall asleep before 10.  

Thursday 

"It my Birthday today Mum?  My birthday?"

No Molly, not today.... poor darling has no concept of time. It's not even 6am...  

Juffin drops Molly off so I put Mushroom to work and we pick up all the shit from the floor and I vacuum.  Ok.  I used the movies as bribery but it totally worked.  We don't have time to mop before I leave but at least I can see the floor again and there aren't toys covering every visible surface.  It's a rush to get dressed, locate shoes, and then fight about wearing appropriate clothes that aren't stained, or holey, or both... must do wardrobe clean out and get out the door on time.    

Get to cinema only to be told that there is a vacation group in our session and seats are limited.  I'll be damned if I have to sit down the front so I race in and nab seats next to another Mum and her daughter.  Movie is dry and hilarious and very British.  Goes straight over Mushroom's head.  Worst ways to kill 90 minutes.  

We hit the shops and get lots of stuff for Molly. Mushroom is savvy shopper and assists by pointing out all the things he'd like for himself and pleading with me that he really needs them right now.  Realise again that I've left the house without coffee and wonder who the fuck I have become.  We get sushi and coffee and stuff our faces.  Manage to get home by 2 and have a little down time before going to pick her up.  I get the mopping done and hang the rest of the washing.   

Pick Molly up.  Get home, start dinner, consider getting takeaway but decide to be good, and we have taco's.  I love Taco's.  

Stay up late with Juffin and Mushroom wrapping presents and getting organised for the big girl's day.  Message my friend to see if she wants to meet for gelato, and so glad that she does.  

Crawl into bed some time after 11.  Realise that I haven't done any exercise today 

Friday

The birthday!  

Molly is up at the crack of dawn and is the most excited cherub ever.  

Can't believe we've had her for two whole years.  Can't believe time has flown by. Get emotional and wish she could be a baby forever but love her walking, talking, sassy self.  

Make pancakes for breakfast, dress children, fight with Mushroom about wearing appropriate footwear.  Can't be bothered fighting.  Too tired. Realise that it's raining and washing still on line.  Don't care. 

Miraculously, remember to take chicken out of freezer. 

Pack up snacks and jump in car, late, head to the Strand for gelato.  Molly insists on bringing her new doll and pram so have to walk at snails pace across the road with small child pushing doll in pram.  People think she's adorable.  I think she's a pain in my arse. 

Meet friend for gelato.  Strand is beautiful, kids relatively well behaved.  Head down to the park and spend a blissful two hours soaking up the sunshine and not yelling at children.  

Head home and birthday girl falls asleep en route.  Senior neighbour comes straight over when I get home to return borrowed books and bring present for Molly.   She is adorable. 

Transfer birthday girl to bed and put a nappy on her, locate more books for neighbour, thank for the present. 

Turn TV on for Mushroom and eat some lunch.  Fall asleep on the bed for god know's how long. Wake to Mushroom yelling at me that he's going to poo. 

Put roast chicken in oven at 4pm.  Whip up vegan chocolate cake for tonight. Take kids down to shop to get milk and bread and, you guessed it, bananas.  We also need potatoes for roasting.  Children are quite well behaved considering and I let them ride the unicorn out the front.  They are shit and don't even go up and down.  Rubbish. 

Get home and put vegies on, do dishes.  Go and check clothes and they're still wet. Wash some more clothes and hang out nappies.  

Juffin comes home and is greeted with cheers and affection. This never happens to me. 

He has alcohol so he is my favourite person today.  He entertains children whilst I finish dinner.  We eat and have cake.  My kids are happy.  My daughter is ecstatic.  Chocolate cake is her favourite thing in the whole wide world.  I still can't believe that she's two. 

Saturday

"It my birthday Mum?"

Fuck. 

Week Fourteen

I did it you guys!  I did 30 minutes of exercise for 30 damn days in a row!  I'm amazing! 

What is amazing is that how amazed I am at myself for even managing to stick to that shit.

Look at my dumb, sweaty face! 

And guess what?

I lost and gained 2.5kg in 30 days. 

Hahahahah

What a rort!

BUT

I feel better.  I look better.  My fitness has improved.  And I think I'm less cranky.

Though after this weekend, Juffin and the kids may disagree...

We had an up and down week.  Juffin had a few days off due to school holidays and I had my usual days off and I think that this messed with the kids and their routine a little bit.  That and succumbing to illness as soon as the holidays hit. 

Both have had high temps, coughs and snotty noses.  Juffin took them both to the Dr on Wednesday and it was the usual undisclosed virus.  What can you do? Nothing.  They seemed to rally quite quickly but we still have snot.

And coughs.

And attitude. 

Molly had holiday days off from daycare also so we've all been in each other's faces all week.  Aside from Tuesday when I took them both to their grandmother's house so I could do the floors and lay on the couch. 

She's has stellar days with the toilet training and has zero accidents and then follows it up with pissy pants all day long!  I don't understand it!  We will persevere and hopefully things will click soon.  I'm sick of washing damn nappies.

Here she is having a moment in the trolley on Friday.  It was a tough time for everyone.  Shopping with two children is really my limit.  I struggled to keep my shit together and they mostly didn't. 

Fun times!

I had fun with Mushroom making slime.  Our first batch wasn't awesome, but the next batch was more than satisfactory.  I think I'm a bit awesome now.  Just saying...

It's actually really relaxing playing with it. I kinda like it.

Caution, period talk coming up... Since having the mirena in.  I've had my period twice. In a month.  Which is a bit shit.  It also lasts for over 10 days.  Which is majorly shit.  I'm trying to be positive and trust the process, so fingers crossed this bullshit doesn't carry on for 6 months.  I'm pretty sure that my body is a bit stupid however, as I had no breaks from periods after child birth, despite breastfeeding both my kids on demand, and when I started taking the mini pill again, my periods were all over the show for months. 

What I'm trying to say, is that it's normal and I just have to trust that it will all settle down and sort itself out.

Woooosaaaaaa. 

In preparation, I've gorged on chocolate, eaten potato chips and pasta, as I officially start another workout plan tomorrow.  Except this one is 90 days. 

Fingers crossed I can do it! 

Getting Juffin to take measurements tonight, as didn't do that before the last one and make sure the alarm is set.

In other news, Juffin has pink eye, and blamed me.  However my eyes are shiny white and not at all itchy.  I told him his body is trying to tell him something, ie don't stay up late studying all week and then play video games until 2am on the weekend and not expect to pay for it somehow.  I mean, I know that I definitely need to work on going to bed earlier, but he's an absolute shocker.  Last night, he watched a fucking movie that I wanted to watch with him, without me.  I almost kicked him out of the house.  Who does that?! 

Ps my little big girl is 2 on Friday.

W T F (insert crying eyes emoji here)

Week Eight

I've become Queen of the Lunchbox. 

I've always been awesome at lunchboxes, but seriously, the amount of people who contact me for lunchbox ideas... 

I don't think what I do is that hard, but I'm pretty serious about two things, budget and unnecessary packaging. Our oceans are full of shit and we put it there because we love wrapping things in mountains of fucking plastic. 

Don't even get me started. 

Anyway, I have reusable containers, sandwich wrappers and a can-do attitude. I usually do a big bake up on Sunday for the week.

Some of our favourite lunchbox fillers include: 

Corn Cobs

Banana Choc Chip Muffins

Zucchini Slice

Pizza

Cheese and Salami

Crackers 

Sausage Rolls

Carrot Sticks 

Mini Croissants

And this week we added sushi to the repertoire!  Mushroom is STOKED! They weren't eating sandwiches so I asked him what he wanted and he said sushi. After watching a youtube video, I became a total expert. 

As you can see, I'm awesome and pretty much the best Mum ever.

Molly  has continued to be a pain in the arse at bedtime, asking for more cuddles, drinks of water, medsen (medicine) as she's 'sick'.  Anything you can think of, she tries it.  Juffin falls for her bullshit every time of course, but he can usually manage to settle her whereas I get frustrated AF and start yelling, only exacerbating the situation.  At least I can recognise my failings. I may Queen of Lunchbox but I'm definitely not winning any awards in the patience department.  

It's been raining on and off here for almost a week which is fabulous but hell for a cloth nappy mama with no dryer.  We've strung laundry up all over the place but it's so humid, things are not getting properly dry, especially my nappies. There was a break this morning and we managed to get some sheets and towels dry but rain started again around lunchtime so we had to make a mad dash back under the cover.  

I went out last night for a mate's birthday and had a fabulous time.  I love the margaritas.  

Gorgeous

Clearly I was looking beautiful and behaved like a lady.  

I assumed I'd have a hangover this morning.  I mean look at it.  But I dodged the proverbial bullet.  Sometimes I'm arsey like that.  Those times are few and far between now that I'm on the wrong side of 35.

I ran into my beloved hairdresser who is currently enjoying mat leave and not doing hair at all.  Which is why mine looks so amazing at the moment.  I may have tackled her to the ground and held her and her baby hostage until she agreed to do my hair. 

Just kidding. 

I did think about it though. 

I freaking love my hairdresser. 

She messaged me that night and we're on for March. I'm so freaking excited, I can barely contain my shit. 

I had a week off from exercise and food tracking after another week of not losing.  I'm annoyed that I let the weightloss plateau get to me so much.  I know it's normal, I know that movement on the scales isn't a true indication of how my body is changing.  I know that my clothes fit better, people have noticed, I can see it in my face.  I just let my head get munted.  I had to give myself a break.  

And a crunchie.  

I bought myself a new sports bra and tomorrow, I'm back on the horse.  

BOOOBBBS

I had a conference call with some school buds and we locked down the details for our TWENTY year highschool reunion.  Yes my friends, TWENTY FUCKING YEARS!  I am so AGED!  One of our school mates said he couldn't make it because it's his daughter's 18th that weekend.  I mean, Jesus!  I'm actually old enough to have an 18 year old child!  

I have no idea where those 20 years went but I am clearly exceeding expectations.  I'm fat, broke and still not famous but I don't think I've ever been this happy.  My kids are healthy, my man is lovely, I have great friends, a good job, my Mum and Dad are fab and my siblings are kicking goals all over the show.  

Life is good.  

Week Seven

It's been hotter than the ninth realm of hell here this week.

Like apocalyptically hot.

I've been doing my evening workouts after 9pm because in the afternoon it's still over 30c and I can't seem to get my butt out of bed before 6 on a weekday.

Inside crafting activity-facial hair

When it's this hot, life is infinitely harder and whilst I love taking my kids outside and getting to the park etc, it feels like actual torture. So we've been cooped up inside watching movies, playing with playdough and drawing.

Suddenly my kids love drawing.

It's really bizarre. 

I bought them both some cheap scrapbooks from Kmart and they've filled the pages with all sorts of pictures.  Molly's don't have much form, big circles and squiggles but Mushroom has been drawing people, objects and lots of different animals.  This week for show and tell they had to draw an animal and explain what it needs to survive.  He drew a lobster. 

For real.

This is it.

Masterpiece 

Did you know that lobsters have teeth but they're inside their stomach?  Fuck.  Neither did I.  I had to do some research re lobsters because other than being a crustacean I had no fucking idea. 

Having a child at school is teaching me things.

He seems to be loving school now, though it can be a bit boring Mum, so hopefully the love affair continues.... bahahaha. Is anything in parenting stable? 

Also on school, who's kid is in the yellow house? 

Seriously.

The yellow house should be banned from being a house colour at schools. They should only have dark colours. 

Purple, black, blue, green, red.. these are fine.  Yellow?  No fucking way.

You should see the state of his shirt and he's only worn it 4 times.  It's absolutely impossible to keep a yellow shirt on a five year old clean.

He wears this shirt once a week and look at it.

 Ban Yellow House!

Just LOOK! 

I soak this fucking thing in napisan, spot treat it and it still looks like this!  I'm not letting him wear it anymore.  I know that it's cooler than the polo but legit looks like he just rolled around in dirt in it and that's straight out of the washing machine. 

And don't even get me started on the white socks!  O M G!

What do they do?  Roll their ankles around in the mud?! 

I changed up our menu at home a bit this week and made mongolian beef, which everyone gobbled.  It's nice when you don't get I don't like it, this is yuck Mum, after you slave away for 40 minutes trying to find something that four different people might enjoy eating, that isn't pasta. 

I also tried changing up the lunchbox snacks and made apple muffins last week and that's been a big fat fail.  Everyone enjoyed them warm from the oven but nobody seemed fussed in the lunchbox so guess what, banana fucking muffins it is! 

Healthy snacks 

I prepped myself some bean dip and some hummus and have kept on track with the snacks this week, although I keep forgetting to buy lettuce or baby spinach so my salads have been a bit light on... hahah.  I don't seem to have the capacity for memory anymore and missed an appointment at Specsavers despite receiving a reminder text on my phone the day before.... brain is clearly fried and probably due to my girl child.  

Molly has been all over the place with her night time sleeping the last week or so and I am missing shut-eye desperately.  I had to have a nap today. 

Last night was probably the worst night in a while and it didn't help that I went out and got home late and that's when she started.  We administered drugs but she took ages to calm and then, of course, the other one woke up so I had to go and deal with him before getting back to bed to spend a restless night listening to her sobbing in her sleep and trying not to roll over on top of her.

My alarm went off at 4.45am to do the hill and I felt like vomiting but I made myself get up and go.  Everyone was sleeping quietly when I left but I teed up some more drugs in case she woke up again.

I don't cope well with being tired but Juffin, Juffin is a million times worse. He woke up this morning, saw that I was gone and decided to ring me on the hill to yell at me for leaving him all alone to deal with our sick daughter and wouldn't it be nice to get a good night's sleep in the spare bed.... I was flabbergasted.  I didn't sleep in the fucking spare bed at all!  I settled Mushroom and went back to our bed where I also dozed in and out and got kicked in the guts by the sobbing tiny girl that we made together.

Funny that men don't remember these things. 

I wish I'd slept in the fucking spare bed.

I may have said some choice words. 

Ok definitely said some choice words but Jesus.  If she was that sick, I wouldn't have done the damn hill. 

I got home and she was still pretty miserable but shovelling banana into her face so I wasn't convinced that she was really that ill.  I called house call doctor, apparently he tried but was just on hold for ages... (no fucking comment).  I sorted kids out, told cranky guts to go back to bed, and had a shower and a much needed coffee.  I then had my smashed avo and feta on sourdough which Molly decided to get in on, and then played dead on the couch whilst the kids watched ABC kids and we waited for the Doctor.

Doctor finally arrives, checks her over and says there's nothing obviously wrong with her and she's now been napping for nearly 4 hours.

Tonight is going to be F U N!