15 Nov 2012

Boulder holders

I was a naive pregnant person.  There were lots of things that I didn't know.  Like having to wear a maternity bra whilst you were pregnant.  Something about the wires in your normal bras interfering with your breast tissue and causing blockages which may lead to mastitis.  A lady from work told me.  Shout out!

For those that don't know me I'm a chesty gal.  I have the big boobs.  I hate them most of the time but the Juffin does like them, and Max seems to think they're ok too since he hangs out wasting time on them for ages after he's finished feeding, chomping sporadically on my nipples, I digress.  As a large breasted lady, shopping for bras is right up there with pap smears and ironing.  Horrid but necessary, and only required once every 2 years....  I usually buy cheap t-shirt bras from the big department stores for about $20 each.  I'm lucky enough that my cup size was hard to buy for, but not impossible.  I could get nice bras, pretty cheaply and they were comfortable and supportive.  When I got pregnant, it became impossible.  

I thought my breasts hadn't grown that much since conception.  I was already a DD but it was pushing the limits towards the end of my pregnancy.  The way that my friends had talked about mastitis I was pretty worried.    Time to take some action.   I was still working and I went into the bra shop on my lunch break and was greeted by a girl, I say girl because she looked like she was still in high school, and asked if I could be fitted for a maternity bra.  She looked at me frankly and asked what size I was wearing, I told her.  I think she wanted to see if they could even assist me or not.  Turns out they could, so far.  She marched me off to the change room wielding her measuring tape.  I'm very proud to say that I was wearing the correct size and fit for my bazookas.  I am awesome.  Apparently the majority of women are walking around wearing the wrong size bra for their chesticles.  Get it sorted girls!  Serio!    

So there we are, me, shirt off, her touching me in places that few people have touched before... COUGH...  and BraGirl advises me that I need to allow for at least a jump in one cup size and I should be able to get my hand inside the cup.  Lucky my hand is pretty small.  She toddles off and finds me a few different bras to try on, all their own brand of course, and leaves me to it.  

I hate trying on clothes.  If you're a bit on porky side, being in a changing room is like being inside a cone of truth.  You can't escape your reflection, and let me tell you, at 30 something weeks pregnant, it doesn't look good.  I pick up what can only be described as the ugliest bra in the world.  I mean, my self confidence is already on the floor and I have to wear the ugliest bra in the world.  Why do they do this to pregnant people?  We're sensitive you know?  I try on the beige, shiny E cup.  It's ugly.  It's beige. And it's too small.   Damn.  Deep breaths.  We move onto to another offering, this time in a lovely shade of off white.  Ok, who am I kidding?  It's beige also.  It's an F cup.  F for fucking huge.  And it fits, just, so this means it doesn't fit my hand in as well which can only mean that it's too small.  OMG.  I don't fit into an F cup!!!  I cannot be needing a G cup.  I need a freaking G cup?!  Seriously.  A G cup.  I have porn star boobs, I'm a freaking porn star.  And they're gross. And I look gross and where the fuck is the bra girl?!  I've been in this changing room for over 10 minutes hyperventilating over my giant gross, veiny, brown nippled boobs and she has not come back to assist me!

It's too much.  They don't even stock G cups so I'm screwed anyway.  I leave the store a sweaty, pregnant mess. Not only were the bras in that store fucking ugly, the service was crap.  At least I know now what size I have to buy.  I get home and pour my little heart out to my lovely boyfriend who points out that he loves my boobs, giant or no, and to just get online and order whatever I need.  I do advise him that because of my size I'll be paying upwards of $70 a bra which does warrant a raised eyebrow from him but it's a necessary evil so no point in worrying about it.  

I find some great websites but zodee.com.au has to be my favourite.  They stock beautiful maternity bras, in a range of colours, brands and sizes, and they offer free delivery for purchases over $50.  I buy 3 bras and some nursing singlets.  There's even online chat support if you need to ask questions about sizing etc.  Amazeballs.  Today, I bought a sleeping bra because no-one told me about the leakage factor and I'm sick of waking up with big wet patches all over the place or alternatively wearing a bra to bed!  

After my experience at the Bra shop that shall remain nameless, I'm pretty stoked with my online shopping experience!   My wonderful Mother (shout out!) also visited the Bendon factory outlet in Auckland when she was there on holidays and purchased me a lovely Bendon maternity bra, which though only an F cup, fits perfectly as well.  So I'm set.  Bras with cup holders bigger than my head are a go go.  Fuck me.  I can only imagine what they're going to look like after I finish breastfeeding... mega sadface!

One of my giant bras!
Next time:  Who knows?!  Everyday presents a new challenge!