26 Nov 2012

Five weeks

Mushroom is five weeks old today.  I have managed to keep a human being alive for five whole weeks.  Bazinga to all you haters out there who doubted I could do it!  I have survived but more importantly, so has the Mushroom... so we're not doing too badly.  The little bastard won't sleep, but we're not doing too badly at all.

Let's recap some of the highlights from this week alone:

  • Mushroom decides that any kind of sleep is overrated and chooses to exercise his right to scream/grizzle/cry for elongated periods of time reducing Mummy to a shell of her former self (mentally, not physically, unfortunately!) 
  • Master the art of breastfeeding whilst lying down.  Awesome.  
  • Urinating all over the place whilst nappy changing is going on has become a daily occurrence.  Despite attempts to stem the flow of urine by strategically placed nappies/towels, urine still manages to penetrate and wet Mushroom's clothes.  Unadulterated grunting, fist pumping and leg kicking ensues to show Mummy how pleased with himself he is.  We go through a record of 5 onesies on one day.  
  • Successful outing to Stockland so Mummy and Juffin can stuff their faces with sushi and Mummy can get out of the house.  Minor meltdown whilst exploring the new Myer but have successful feed and nappy change in delightfully modern baby room.  Hooray for shops! 
  • Juffin is struck down by migraine.  Probably due to lack of sleep.  The Mushroom rewards his father by screaming till the cows come home then projectile pooing all over the carpet. Again.  As Mummy is not versed in the use of the Vax and has a screaming child to attend to, Juffin must shampoo the carpet whilst his skull is about to crack open. 
  • Mushroom shows a distinct predilection to the Presets and does some pretty decent headbanging to the new Parkway Drive track.  All hope is not lost!  
  • Attempts by Mummy to exercise are thwarted by the Mushroom who doesn't want to leave the comfort of the air conditioned bedroom and screams blue murder every time he is placed in the pram or hits the road outside the house.  Whilst I should just power on, it's a bit hard to look at his purple screaming face whilst I'm trying to get in a walk.  Also exercising after 3 hours sleep is not high on my priorities.  
  • Further on the air conditioning issue, Mummy thinks that she may have created a monster as someone refuses to behave unless in 25c comfort, she is currently rationing refrigerated cold air unless absolutely neccessary!  Mushroom will comply!!  
  • Mushroom smiles for the first time, but will not do it again.  He will, however, scowl at me at every opportunity.  Attitude x 1000.  I wonder where he get's that from?!  
  • We hear a new sound, which is a high pitched 'la lah LAAAHHHHOOOWWWW'.  This makes a nice change from the grunting and nanny goat crying.  I'm proud of his expanding vocabulary.    
  • Every morning the Juffin makes us breakfast and we all have cuddles together. For 5 minutes we forget that we've only had 4 hrs sleep and we laugh at our bobble headed son.  It's the highlight of my day.
Oh how my life has changed!  I know that people tell you every damn day when you're pregnant that your life will change in every single way, but it's like moving out of home, nothing can prepare you for the reality.

The above experiences are not all trying, but most of them are, and they're just part and parcel of my day now.  And despite starting the day around 4am my day flies by and I don't remember doing much at all!  Feed, nappy change, feed, soothe, put down to sleep, feed, nappy change, nappy change, washing nappies, shove food in my face and repeat process all over again.  Big ups to all you stay at home Mum's who have a clean house because right now, my house is fucking filthy!

I'm not going to say that being a parent is hard, because clearly it is, but everybody says that.  I'm going to say that it's different, a new perspective.  Every day is a challenge, but not outside the realms of possibility. It's not like climbing Everest.  You don't think about it, you just do it. My priorities have changed so much and it's funny because I still don't think of myself as a Mother yet.  I'm not even sure that I'm particularly maternal, but I think I'm doing an okay job so far...

"What are you looking at punk?!"