13 Nov 2012

Mary Poppins

I'm posting about leaving the house with a newborn because writing about the last 4 days in my house would just be too sad to bear.  I don't want to live through it again by writing about it.  Basically I'm now a dairy cow, and the Mushroom is a calf.  I was up until 2.45 this morning, and then back up again at 4.49.  I know because I looked at the clock and couldn't believe that 2 hours had passed.  It felt like 2 minutes.  My nipples are desperately looking for an exit out of this hell...

Needless to say, it has been SHITE!  To top things off the Mushroom decided to poo all over the carpet this morning.  In our rented house.  I had to get down on my hands and knees and scrub carpet whilst he lay next to me on the floor and screamed his little nut off until he was purple with rage.  I just kept scrubbing.  So are the days of our lives....

It is totes scary to go out with a teeny tiny baby that first few times.  Who am I kidding?  Mushroom is only 3 weeks old and I've only been out 3 times.  I'm scared as.  People stare at you, at the baby.  It's like they're judging what kind of parent you are.  And holy moley, if your baby crys, forget about it. Everyone is all sunshine and roses, and then your baby has a cry, and they hate you.  They look at you with their judging eyes. Judgey McJudge holes.  I think that that is the worst part about it.  The judging eyes when your baby starts crying and you can't get him to stop.  I feel like yelling 'It's not that easy a-holes!  Try coming to my house at 3am and see what screaming sounds like!  Damn!' Of course I don't do that at all.  I just grimace and hold the Mushroom tight and do the sh, shh, shhhh mantra over and over again....

I had to take Mushroom to the GP when he was 10 days old.  I felt like kicking the midwife's teeth in when she told me that I had to venture out that early in the game.  I was like what the hell?  Can't you check him over?  How the f am I supposed to get to the GP? I can't drive a damn car for six weeks, Juffin is back at work and I'm SCARED!  Go out in public, with the Mushroom, and be all organised and what not?!  Far out, huge ask!  Apparently there are heart defects that may not show themselves at birth though, so you have to get to your Doc to have the little bubba checked out.  Easier said than done.

I made the appointment and arranged for my Mum to take us.  I pretty much worried about it all week.  I googled what to pack into a nappy bag and packed and repacked it a million times.  At present the bag has the following items in it: child health record, (the stupid red book that YOU MUST TAKE TO EVERY APPOINTMENT), disposable nappies (yuck!), wipes, a muslin wrap, a change of clothes, nappy balm, disposable nappy bags, lip balm for me, panadol, my purse, plastic bag for dirty clothes, dribble rag... the list goes on!  The items that are in that bag, amazeballs.  I'm like frickin Mary Poppins over here.

The Juffin took the carseat over to Mum's the night before so it was all installed and ready to go for the next day.  I had nothing to worry about frankly.  He was fine.  I fed him, stuck him in the car and away we went.  The Doc visit went off without a hitch, we did a feed in the car, then decided to visit the work girls.  Mum even took me to get some lunch afterwards.  I was like a real adult again!  Yay!

We have since been to the supermarket to do grocery shopping, which went ok, until we reached the 3rd last aisle and he'd had enough and had a bit of a meltdown, and we've been to Willows.  Which also went ok, but again, mini meltdown.  For our Willows outing I had to practice putting the pram up and down so I didn't stuff it up and have to hang out in the car park screaming at the sky for an hour.  Yes.  It took me that long to figure it out and, and it was passed down to me, I had to download the product information brochure so I could finally figure it out.

I think Mushroom may be a typical male and hate the shops.  The key seems to be feed, change, feed, feed, feed and then he falls asleep and you're home free.  You may have between 2 and 4 hours to get your shit together or you may not.  After the last few days, I don't want to go making any kind of assumptions!

Sleeping in the pram

Next time:  Will I go crazy?!  Answer is:  More than likely!