7 Mar 2013

Rant

This teething business is really getting to me and I'm wondering where my happy little boy went.  I'm just grateful that he can't talk yet as I'm pretty sure he would be telling me to get f'ed and f off at every opportunity.  The poor little sod is so damn miserable and it's just making me feel cranky as well!  Today I had the worst headache, only exacerbated by a whining Mushroom who wouldn't feed, wouldn't sleep and wouldn't

Today I visited my regular baby mama forum and I noticed that a woman had put up that she wasn't coping 2 days into being a first time Mum.  Traumatic birth experience, baby won't stop crying, no sleep, can't eat anything, partner not very helpful, you know, the usual.  Whilst everyone was posting positive wonderful fuzzy things, like 'oh those newborn cuddles all make up for it' or 'don't worry, it gets easier' I just wanted to post the following: 'Yep, it's shit, and it probably will be shit for a really long time.  So get used to feeling like shit.' I didn't.  Poor dear will figure it out soon enough.

People tell you it's shit, you just don't believe them.  I mean, how could you possibly know until you've experienced it?  And why else would we keep reproducing?!  Definition of stupidity or what?  Of course, those cuddles do make up for it, everything is worth that feeling of wonder and joy when you look at your beautiful creation.  But at the time, like 2.37am after 40 mins of sleep, it doesn't really feel like it's worth it at all.  Especially if the pregnancy was awful, the birth even worse, and you're baby blues is well under way!

I think women put too much pressure on themselves to be awesome.  An awesome mother, homemaker, colleague, friend, lover.  To be perfectly honest, I'm a shite friend, a crap homemaker (though Juffin is still getting baked goods every now and then so he's happy!), a bad colleague as haven't seen workmates in forever, and don't even go there with the whole lover thing.

Can you see the streak of grey?!
I'm definitely not a 50s housewife.  My house regularly looks like a bomb hit it, which the Juffin then cleans up when he gets home from work.  Poor man.  I'm flat out getting the nappies washed and folded every day but have no idea what I do in my 'downtime' as it's definitely not housework!  I miss appointments, forget what day it is, and think it's a successful day if I manage to have a shower, brush my teeth and get a load of washing done.  I'm winning if I remember to get some meat out of the freezer for dinner.  I have no idea what is going on in the world which BC (before child) would have meant ridicule from my former self.  As for vacuuming, what's that?   

My hair is falling out at an alarming rate, but not the grey's, they're just multiplying.  My skin is greasy and has started breaking out again and I look like a hippopotamus from behind.

Some days I wish I could walk out the door and just keep walking.

But I don't, because before everyone gets all high and mighty, I love my Mushroom, and I love my Juffin, and I love my life.

But some days it's just hard and that's just life, innit it?