Today I visited my regular baby mama forum and I noticed that a woman had put up that she wasn't coping 2 days into being a first time Mum. Traumatic birth experience, baby won't stop crying, no sleep, can't eat anything, partner not very helpful, you know, the usual. Whilst everyone was posting positive wonderful fuzzy things, like 'oh those newborn cuddles all make up for it' or 'don't worry, it gets easier' I just wanted to post the following: 'Yep, it's shit, and it probably will be shit for a really long time. So get used to feeling like shit.' I didn't. Poor dear will figure it out soon enough.
People tell you it's shit, you just don't believe them. I mean, how could you possibly know until you've experienced it? And why else would we keep reproducing?! Definition of stupidity or what? Of course, those cuddles do make up for it, everything is worth that feeling of wonder and joy when you look at your beautiful creation. But at the time, like 2.37am after 40 mins of sleep, it doesn't really feel like it's worth it at all. Especially if the pregnancy was awful, the birth even worse, and you're baby blues is well under way!
I think women put too much pressure on themselves to be awesome. An awesome mother, homemaker, colleague, friend, lover. To be perfectly honest, I'm a shite friend, a crap homemaker (though Juffin is still getting baked goods every now and then so he's happy!), a bad colleague as haven't seen workmates in forever, and don't even go there with the whole lover thing.
|Can you see the streak of grey?!|
My hair is falling out at an alarming rate, but not the grey's, they're just multiplying. My skin is greasy and has started breaking out again and I look like a hippopotamus from behind.
Some days I wish I could walk out the door and just keep walking.
But I don't, because before everyone gets all high and mighty, I love my Mushroom, and I love my Juffin, and I love my life.
But some days it's just hard and that's just life, innit it?