27 Mar 2013

Solitude

Motherhood makes it hard to get time to yourself.  Actually you don't get time to yourself to relax.  Like ever.  There's always something to be done or people that need you.  So you have to try and come up with things to do so you can get five minutes to yourself.  If I still smoked, I'd hide behind the shed where no-one could see me and puff my little heart out but obviously I don't smoke any more and it wouldn't do any good hiding behind the shed as the smoke would be a dead giveaway.  I could just hide behind the shed.  That would work.

I try to have a shower every evening while Juffin is doing bath time and wind down time before Mushroom's bedtime.  I light some candles in the en suite and shut the door, and turn on the water.  I peel off my baby spew stinky clothes and breathe a sigh of relief as I ease myself under the shower head.. ahh this is bliss, relaxation, peace and quiet, ahhhhhhh..... then the door opens and the fluoro comes on and there's Juffin and Mushroom grinning at me from the other side of the shower screen. "Look there's Mum.  What's Mum doing?"

It's hard to get mad at them because they're both so cute, but seriously?  Can I not have a f-ing shower in peace?!  Ever mindful of little ears, I do my darndest to limit the swearing, smile winningly and tell them both to get out.  Immediately.  What part of five minutes alone do these men not understand?  I just wanna wash my vjj in peace!

Since having a baby I don't actually think I've been alone. At all.  And I love being alone.  I love reading and laying around watching terrible tv shows (Teen Wolf anyone?).  I love listening to my music and singing, I love doing my toenails with no distractions.  I love it.  Unfortunately as part and parcel of being a parent, those days are most definitely over.  It's just taking some time to adjust.  I'm not sure I ever will.  

So the other day, in an attempt to get some time alone I decided to mow the lawn.  What better way to get away from my boyfriend and my Mushroom?  Lawn mowing is a solitary activity.  It's also not baby friendly nor is it fun.  But it's solitary.  And it's necessary.  And I can put my head phone's in and walk up and down with a purpose.  The key word here is solitary.

It's come to this.  Lawn mowing.

It was the only thing that I could think of where they wouldn't follow me.  But I had to walk up and down in the blazing hot sun with a lawnmower to get away from them.  Not exactly relaxing.

I kept mowing until I ran out of fuel.  At least I was by myself and I was doing some exercise.  Right?

And before anyone says anything about tiny yards and mowing etc, this is my yard.  And yes the grass at the back was that long.  And yes, I mowed it and the front yard.  I am woman, hear me roar.

The Back Yard