8 Mar 2016

Brazil

A little background.

I love waxing.  I have waxed on and off since I was a teenager.  I cannot stand shaving in any capacity and would rather have hairy pits than shave them.

Seriously. 

I'm like a Neanderthal. 

You can see where this post is going right?  

So until recently I would wax my legs, armpits, brows and bikini every month with my kickass Roller Derby playin', potty mouthed, waxologist.  I may have made that word up. Anyway, Cin is seriously the shit and I love her, but would you believe that that fucking moll decided to leave town?  2 years into our waxing relationship and she just ditches me.  For her family no less.  The nerve. 

At first I am stupid enough to believe that I can do this myself.  I'm flexible, I can save money and wax my own shit. 

Um no. 

Legs possibly, but underarms?  Bikini?  That's a resounding no.  Not only am I pregnant, I'm also short and apparently not as flexible as one would think.  I was finding wax in places that I hadn't even applied wax to for days afterwards.  

Disaster is one word to describe it. 

I then decided to stop removing hair altogether.  I mean why?  I'm not single, Juffin doesn't seem to care, I need to save money.  After a few weeks I started looking like an extra from Planet of the Apes.  A pregnant one.  And it was gross.  It felt unclean having inch long hair covering my legs.  Being a stubborn so and so, I still can't bring myself to shave. 

Like a miracle, a friend on facebook put the call out for waxing volunteers for her beauty training, yay!!  Free waxing and she was totally awesome!  Yay for Lis! My underarms and legs are once again hair free, now to tackle the rest. 

I started doing some facebook research and stumble across a page that I liked a while back AND she's offering half price waxing if I book on Wednesday, um SOLD!  

I message her and advise that I'm just after a bikini and a brow wax.  She's free at the time I'm free, I can't believe my luck.  She then asks how much I have off.  I let her know that I'm pretty pregnant and only want a tidy up, you know, just trim the hedge so to speak.  She says let's see how we go... I'm nervous. 

Thursday afternoon rolls around and I'm ushered into a beautiful home salon space and given a disposable g-string to put on.  She asks me again how much I'd like to have off and I say that I've never been to Brazil before and not sure if my vjayjay can quite handle an overseas trip right now.  She laughs... still nervous.

She pulls some gloves on and goes to work, chatting away as she ruthlessly removes my pubic hair. 
She puts my leg here, other leg here, lean this way, lean that way... As I flinch and grit my teeth, she checks in to see how I'm doing and praises me like a toddler.  At this point I realise that she's seriously going to remove all of my hair.  Like every single strand.  I again say that I'm happy to have a 'landing strip' but she cheerily says that it's almost all gone now anyway so why don't we just take it off so it's super tidy and clean for next time. Wow.  This is really happening.  I'm 34 and my vagina will be naked for the first time in a long time. 

At this stage, I'm numb.  Like actually numb.  I literally just had all my pubic hair removed at 33 weeks pregnant.  I'm a tough ass bitch. 

She does my brows, which look fabulous.  Puts some amazingly cooling cream on all my bits and sends me packing. 

I sit in the car marvelling at what I have just done.  I wonder what Juffin will think.  

I get home and check myself out in the mirror. 

What once looked like this:

image courtesy of mentalfloss.com



Now looks like this:

image courtesty of findpictures.com

A week on and I'm still not convinced.  I feel weird.  IT feels weird.  Showering and washing down there is super weird. Sex without pubes is also totally different, not that you guys want to hear about it and I'm not divulging details but yes, definitely Different with a capital D.  I don't know if it feels any cleaner either. Which I have heard people say before. I think I'm still trying to get used to it!
Pretty sure that I'll be opting for keeping SOME hair next time but hey, I've done it now and like they say in the hairdressing biz, it'll grow back!

Here's to trying new things!